My H called me last night and the first thing out of his mouth after I said hello was to ask me what I was doing because I "sounded funny."
OMG....are you married to MY H? He did that to me all the time! I would ansewr and instead of hello, I would hear "Why do you sound out of breath?" Uhhh......???? Just sitting on the couch watching Dr Phi. Pretty sure he doesn't get me out of breath! Or, I would get the "......because you sound funny" or "it doesn't sound like that's where you are." Come to find out, HE was the one that wasn't where HE was supposed to be! I
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Anna! He is on his phone and we know that's my biggest trigger. But I keep thinking about my babies. Woo-sah Rain. I keep just walking away and getting busy...dinner...Laundry. So that I don't "pull a Rain" about his phone.
I am not strong enough for this.
Rain, you are ABSOLUTELY strong enough for whatever he throws at you!!! You're strong enough for you, and you're especially strong enough for those babies! You don't give yourself nearly enough credit for the strength that you've already shown....
Your XF was telling you that he loves you and wants to be with you, and instead of running into his arms (like I did!), you kept your wits about yourself and these beautiful words came out of your mouth. Read them, then don't tell me that you're not strong again.
Originally Posted By: Rain75
Me: that sounds nice XF it really does but...
Me: XF I'm sorry. What you're offering is just not enough. You will cheat again. But it won't be on me.
Me: thanks for letting me know. Please be careful and call a cab to get home if you need to. Have fun.
That last one was a different conversation, but it was so perfect that I had to include it. You are very strong and determined. You know what you need to do, and you're doing it. Stop doubting yourself. You've grown a lot and are getting stronger by the day. We all still falter and make mistakes, the important thing is to get right back at it when you realize that you've messed up. You've definitely got this!
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
My H called me last night and the first thing out of his mouth after I said hello was to ask me what I was doing because I "sounded funny."
OMG....are you married to MY H? He did that to me all the time! I would ansewr and instead of hello, I would hear "Why do you sound out of breath?" Uhhh......???? Just sitting on the couch watching Dr Phi. Pretty sure he doesn't get me out of breath! Or, I would get the "......because you sound funny" or "it doesn't sound like that's where you are." Come to find out, HE was the one that wasn't where HE was supposed to be! I
This ^^^^^^^^ just proves they all have the same script. Lol
Stupid script writer...stop handing out those scripts!
And if you guys would have known me during the PA and the EA I was a blubbering mess. This time I'm better. That is absolutely true. But saying NO to him was not strength it was fear. I'm petrified of going through that again, so I said no. Cause let's be real...it was a sh!t "offer".
And I have been able to grow and be better and stronger via text and phone for the most part. And I just started the 180s. But again during calls and via text.
In person is a whole 'nother ball game. I didn't cry this time though like I did before over his being on his phone.
Last night he finally put his affair box aka phone, down.
And my kids were over the moon. He played with them and sat with them. We ate dinner with them and watched a movie with them too. He even helped me put them to bed. It was almost like before. Almost.
I'm proud that I kept walking away and STFU. My babies are worth it and they loved seeing him.
And after he put his phone down he wanted me to watch a new show he's been watching.
Then when I said it was getting late he started talking. A lot. LOL. Stories I've heard a hundred times before of his school days. About his parents. His escapades with his best friend.
Everytime I got up it was "where are you going".
We had a nice time. No arguing. He asked to sleep over. I said okay but on the couch. He laughed and said thats fine.
And then....
I went to my room and looked at my phone and I had 2 blocked calls. Omg. Flashback to his A big time!
I walked out and showed him. He said I don't know who that is. I haven't talked to her (ow).
It irked me that he automatically went there. Ow has called numerous times since she BDed and never blocked. She only called blocked before BD. And I never ever get blocked calls and they came in a little after midnight.
He again said he has no clue.
I went to bed sad. He knocked on my door and came in. He said he was sorry but he hasn't spoken to ow and "no one i know has your number". But he assumes no one will go through hia phone and if he isn't with me he takes his phone code off.( and no one he knows=the new girls he swears he hasn't met up with).
I said I feel like we can never spend time together without things like this happening but okay and then said I have to get some sleep.
He said "don't say that babe i swear I'm not doing anything". I just said. Okay XF good night.
I cried myself to sleep.
Oh during the night he also asked me again who I am using that blasted app with. He admitted he got it to talk to some of those girls but has stopped. Nope. Don't believe him. And I got a little snarky here and said "well I guess we both use it for our new friends" lol
Also he made it a point to tell me he probably couldn't make it here Friday or Saturday night. Shocked...not!
Hi Rain. I found out last night that W's lies about me are spreading all over town. "All over" meaning a friend who I didn't even know had mutual friends with us has heard how much money I allegedly have in the bank (if I had that much I'd be happy -- maybe I should do a recount?) And other lies about why I'm such an unreasonable person. And this same friend is hearing about at least one W and ow sighting: in a whispering tete a tete in a coffee shop. So much for her needing time alone, huh?
I know, the friend shouldn't have told me, but she did. And she has good reason to hate W so I shouldn't be surprised.
Sometimes you just don't care anymore if it's good DBing or not. So I texted W saying I'm now hearing what she's been spreading about me and about us, and that I'm so disappointed. Should have said disgusted. She tried to call me nine times that I know of. (I blocked her for awhile, taking a page out of your playbook.) Then she texted and said she only told a couple of therapists and 2 or 3 "very close friends". (She's just trying to cover her a$$.)So I texted back, "Well, the close friends are telling other close friends and I'm hearing all about it now from the unlikeliest of people... You don't do anything or go anywhere without it spreading like wildfire." She texted twice asking me to call her. Then she added that she also told some attorneys about how much money I have.
The thing is, as I've said before, she's a big &*%$ing deal in this town, and her B.S. spreads quickly. People do love to gossip about her, and now I'm a part of it too.
Her three voice messages only asked me to call. I have not called. Again, you reach a point where it hardly matters anymore, don't you? This may set me back in terms of my goal to be with her, but right now I'm not sure I even want to. That's progress.
I'm scared about how I'll feel when this shock wears off. And please, people, don't tell me I shouldn't have contacted her. I know that. I'm tired of being the oh-so-reasonable little mouse woman she'd be a fool to leave. She's just a fool.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
NYGal. I was thinking what the F!....reading your post. I'm sorry NYG. The demonizing us and lying hurts like hell doesn't it?
A few close friends. Wow. Sweetie you're pissed and disgusted and you have every right. But sadly, they ALL do that, all of them. It's that damn handbook. If they don't paint us as money hungry and unreasonable (or mean and unsupportive) it would put them in an uncomfortable position when people are asking them why and looking at them like if they're crazy. They even convince themselves to an extent.
I'm not going to tell you that you shouldn't have called. I have a feeling that will be taken care of.
I will say this...in her I miss NYGal moments when she says she has to leave town or that if you R you would both have to leave town I guess this is what she is talking about. When she says she's made a mess of things and cant come back from it.
Remember, you found out just now but she's the one doing it so she's known exactly what she's meant all along.
As for ow. It hurts. I get it. I've dealt with an ow for over 2 years. And now these girls. But there is nothing to be done. On that, MWD and everyone here is dead on. Cheaters lie, that's pretty clear.
She's scared of you not being there if and when she is done with ow so she tells you she wants to be alone. From my own experience with ow and now these girls I can say that I wish with ow I would have left him and let that A fizzle faster instead of what I did. Girls too. Should have told him I knew once and let it slide instead of what i did. Whenever we pressure them about their (admittedly horrifying for us) choices they rebel and want it more.
And can I just say LOL. " I blocked her for a while taking a page out of your playbook". But NYG don't EVER take a page out of my playbook. I am a hot mess that takes 1 step forward and 5 back.
Sounds like W was acting very XF and semi stalking you via calls and texts.
And you may have finally gotten to the anger stage. Anger makes me stronger, but only for days at a time, usually after a talk or a revelation.
Thanks Azzork. You're right. And I have only used it to lash out since BD. It's only been the last few days that I haven't, except in my mind. That's just the truth. I have been a very slow student. But I am still plugging along.
