Well after praying for guidance on my issue and clarity to know what to do. I slept on it and came up with 2 options. 1. Suck it up and say I will be getting the boys Friday and I will meet her for drop off Tuesday.
2. I like this one better as its action. There is an amazing indoor playground about 1/2 way between us. It's open on S bday. And though it wouldn't be a big party with family an friends. Just the kids, her and I. ( if she chooses to stay), it would be a great place for the kids to run and play, for me too as its built for everyone. they allow you to bring food so I would pack a lunch and make a cake for his bday as well.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Tyler, that sounds like a lot of fun. Hopefully your W will think so too.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
It's now been 3 days since any contact with W. Other than the morning after dropping off the boys to see if S3 was feeling better.
It's a very strange feeling. A mix of sadness, acceptance, relief, pain, loneliness. I have been kept busy with school. I went out tonight with a group of friends for supper and had a good time visiting. I find my mind wandering to W as it was a group we did spend time with.
There was no talk of her or R. A friend/ colleague asked how I was doing in a sincere way. I said I'm doing good. School keeps me busy.
I did get out to the gym tonight and was able to work out. That helped occupy sometime.
As I am writing this I find myself in tears because I realize I don't really have anyone to share my day with anymore. Not like I used to be able to with W. It's not the same with friends or family as it was sharing with spouse.
I find it so quiet at home unless I turn on music or am doing something. It bothers me when I can hear the clock ticking or the humm of the electricity in an appliance. Lol.
I find myself thinking of her less each day and yet more at the same time if that makes any sense. The frequency is less but the thoughts are more powerful and that makes its hard.
Ii honestly think this may be the lowest I have been since the day she left. I lived through that day and I will make it through this one. Each day is a new day full of blessings, you just have to be looking for them because not all will stand out for you to appreciate.
Make sure you do appreciate the blessings you do find tho
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
As I am writing this I find myself in tears because I realize I don't really have anyone to share my day with anymore. Not like I used to be able to with W. It's not the same with friends or family as it was sharing with spouse.
Tyler, I hate that you're having such a hard day. I have those a lot still. My H was the only person that I really talked to unless I was at work or talking to my kids (teenagers). I miss him every single time something happens. I want to pick up the phone and tell him. But, then I remember that he doesn't care about me any more. I used to always call him on my way to and from work. Now, when I get off work I just walk to my car in silence without him and drive home wishing I could tell him about what happened at work. Then, I get home and he's not here. I hate it! And, I still can't understand how he just doesn't want to be in my life any more.
I guess I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone. I know how it feels to not having anyone to share your day with. You're right, it is NOT the same to talk to family or friends. Hopefully this will get better for all of us soon. Hang in there.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
I also hear you about wanting to share things with your W. I miss sharing things with my WW as well. Although she doesn't believe I ever talked to her, I use to share stuff that I heard on the radio or read on yahoo news all the time. I still hear things and read things I want to share with her because I know she would find them interesting but I don't, for the most part. I save them now for when she starts a conversation with me. Helps me talk less about our M and R. Hang in there. Sounds like you're making progress even with the tough day.
Me:44 W:38 T:10.5 M:7.5 D:3 BD: 7/2015 W moves out of MBR: 9/2015 WW files for D: 2/8/2016
First tho I want to bring up my thought process and how I need to change it. I got a text from a friend/ co worker today that said mind if I stop in after work. I said ya no problem. What's ups? He said nothing big.
For whatever reason my mind races to negative thoughts. Always has. Ex. He's mad about something or something's wrong. Maybe some bad news at work he wants to share. Then I had to stop myself and think. Why does it have to be bad? Maybe he wants a drink and to see how I am. Maybe he needs help with something? Whatever it is I will deal with it and not worry about it.
It ended up being nothing really. He needed something and I was able to help him. We joked around and talked and that was that.
Second thing that was a step for me. I called my older 2 kids tonight just to talk and asked to speak to their mom after. I needed to go talk about a weekend I am supposed to have them and I potentially have plans to go away that weekend. So this is a big deal for me as I have always put off or cancelled me time for everyone else. I was afraid to bring it up as I thought it would be a big deal or I would disappoint someone. Again it wasn't. We moved some weekends around and it all works. At one point tho I said "well if i don't end up going away that weekend I can still take them... Wait. No. If those plans don't work out I will make new plans. It's the weekend school is over for me and I am back to work the next week. I want to go do something.
Again I felt like I was letting the kids down or I wasn't being a good parent. And that's not the case. They know I love them. I will always be here for them. I honestly don't remember the last time I went away with friends for the weekend or even did a day trip for me.
As for te off night. I felt guilty i didn't do anything. Haha. I sat down and watched a movie. No studying. No hobbies. No going out. No gym. Just sat and did nothing. It was nice.
It's still quiet and lonely at night, but the boys are coming tomorrow so I get a loud crazy house for a couple days again! Really excited to have 2 of the 4 this weekend.
Long story short. I took some steps today to put myself first. It almost feels wrong to say it or bad. At the same time it feels liberating to a point.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Also wanted to add. I am waiting to hear if the local high school needs a coach for a handball team. I used to play In high school and I coached for a few years as well. I stopped doing it as I felt I was too busy when I really wasn't. Also my boss said I was wasting my time volunteering as its not appreciated, they just use you blah blah. Not sure if he was having a bad day or what cause he is usually great but it made me fear for my job. I don't anymore. If I need to take time off work for something I enjoy then he can suck it up.
I really enjoyed coaching. It felt good to pass on the knowledge I had and watch others grow from it.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
On my way to meet for the boys again. It feels weird seeing her and not knowing what's going on in her life. A small part of me want s to know what her plans are for the weekend. How she's been. What's new. No where near as much as I used to tho.
These meetings still feel a bit awkward tho. Like I'm not sure what I should be saying or if I am being overly enthusiastic talking. Am I too friendly? I don't want to seem cold. It feels like I am walking a fine line and I'm sure it will get easier in time.
Walking into this with no expectaions from her tho. No reason to have any. I'm going to get my boys not see her. Looking forward to having play mates in the house again for a few days!
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
May have pushed a little when talking. She brought up her job and she's not happy with it at the moment. I said well if you ever want to talk about it... And I got a smile look that was either you haven't talked to me for weeks. Or why the F would I talk to you. I'm thinking the latter. But no expectaions right? But I said it and I meant it. So I can't think of it as a slip in that semse.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
