Thanks, I really didn't look at it that way. I feel that I have turned it over to God. I have detached from her since she has been gone. She has texted me but I have only texted her to say Merry Christmas, Happy New year and once I text her saying I have mail for you and will be forwarding it to you. I hope you are ok. She comes back with Thanks I'm Great! I know she isnt great because our daughter has told me she isnt and a friend of hers reached out to me telling me to pray for her because she is not herself. I thought that I at least needed to occasionally respond to her but I haven't talked to her in over 2 weeks at all. Since she left only a handful of text with about 90 percent initiated by her. When she texted me I was very to the point, one or two word responses. I have a final divorce hearing at the end of the week. Then all we have to do is wait until October for it to be final. She has moved very quick on this. I am just hurting so much and trying to detach. I feel that I have done pretty good but I know others will say do it completely. It is in God's hands and I believe that he will do amazing things in his time. If it wasn't for my faith I would have given up on her a long time ago.
It is in God's hands and I believe that he will do amazing things in his time. If it wasn't for my faith I would have given up on her a long time ago.
Just remember that God's calendar and our calendar are not the same. If you don't see things change by the time D is final, does that mean God has not answered your prayers or that He has failed?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
No it doesn't. God does not fail but what concerns me is she has free will. During her EA I prayed hedge of thorns prayer everyday for probably 3 or 4 months. I could tell something wasn't right by her actions. She seemed more depressed. I then asked God to let me know if they were still talking. Out of the blue one day she tells me they are done. God answered both of my prayers. It seems when I'm at my lowest someone always tells me, I believe she will come back or something similar. It maybe someone who doesn't even know her. I believe that is God letting know don't give up. But it is hard. I love her so much and we never had any problems until her dad died and she changed. I just pray fir her and our marriage everyday.
I do know that her dad was a truck driver and was a cheater. Her mother went on the road with him to stop his wondering eye. Let my wife at home by herself when she was 13 or 14. She had 2 older brothers and a much younger brother living with her. She told my daughter while her father was in the hospital that her dad was a cheater. My daughter asked how do you know. My wife told her because "I was there. One night my dad walked into a bar with his girlfriend. I was a teenager and was in the bar. I walked over to the table and sat down and talked with them. I know not a proud moment for me." My daughter asked her later when her EA came our if they had ever talked about the encounter. My wife told her it was never mentioned again. Her father was a very selfish, stubborn man that picked on my very young kids to the point they would cry. My kids were not close to him. Now it is like he was the most wonderful man. My wife posts all of the posts on Facebook and Pintrest about how much she misses him and how much she is grieving and no one understands. Sandi, I have stopped contacting my wife and she initiates 90 to 95 percent of all of the contact by text. But I have not heard from her in a week to 10 days except when I told her that I would be praying for peace and strength on the anniversary of her dad's death. I did that because she had made it a point early on to let me know I never acknowledged one month, 3 month 6 months milestones of his death but her friends in her hometown did. Do you think it is too late? I believe that she will return home when my daughter marries and starts having children but that may not include me. A friend of mine told me that she did not believe that she is looking for a man because she is trying to find a job and figure all this out. I know that she is trying to make me believe that she is doing great and all is good. I read some of your story last night. My sitch is different than yours. We didn't have sex as much as I would have liked but we were having it at least once a month. my wife had some problems with painful sex. We did everything together. When she would go shopping, she would always want me to go with her and I did, Holding the packages and doing all the driving. I took her to all of her out of town doctors appointments. My daughter was a softball player and a friend of mine said that at the games the dads would be with each other and the moms together but not me and my wife, we were always together. I do know that she was stressed because she did not like her job and I had lost mine and was having a hard time finding a job. She used that as the excuse for her EA. I think it is funny because she quit a very good job to move 500 miles away to live with her mother and can not find a job. We had a good marriage. When people ask me now about where is my wife and I tell them she left me they are floored. They can not believe it. My wife's EA was the brother of a hometown friend. I believe that she manipulated her and tried her best to badmouth her life with me because we were so involved with my daughter's softball career. From what my wife told a friend of ours, Since the end of her EA this friend has pretty much stopped talking to her. I know this is a lot of information but I am willing to try to pray and wait this out. I just wish I had a little bit of hope.
I had my separation hearing on Friday. It was continued because the judge knew me and did not want to hear the case. We tried to work out an agreement. While in the conference her attorney told us. That marriage is hard and you have to work through your problems. We have been married for almost 19 years and we need to try to see if we could maybe talk and see if we could work it out. I know people are gonna say this is wrong but I told him in front of her that I did not want a divorce, I love my wife and would work to repair our marriage. Her attorney looked at her and said see there maybe you should go home and think about this and maybe you could talk and work out your problems... or maybe there is too much water under the bridge. She very quickly answered "That is it" I told her attorney, I can forgive her for her mistakes but she can't forgive me for my mistakes. So if this is what she wants I have certain requirements that I wanted, child support not at this minimum wage rate that they wanted but at the rate she was making when she voluntarily quit her job, I want her to sign the house to me and I would take my marital debts and walk away. They would not agree to this. My wife is bitter and is very angry at me. But what she is mad about is that I told people that we were having problems and after her EA I followed her and hacked her email. I know this is what I should not have done. I did all this before I started reading what I needed to do. It's done and I can not take it back. I am gonna leave her alone. She knows where I stand. I have gone from her words, the love of her life to someone she does not want to talk to. She still has a lot of grief about her dad's death which triggered all of this. I just wish there was something that would help her get over her bitterness and hardened heart.
I hear you but I have no words to help. If I think of something I will post again again. Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Mavrick, I'm new to following your sitch so forgive me for not knowing the back story. I would recommend that you start posting at a minimum 3-4 times a week. I think it would help you quite a bit.
You registered 4/16/15, yet from what I can see you're still in very early stages of grieving. Mostly denial. You seem to think your WAW is going through a faze and will snap out of the fog and see God's light. I don't believe that is helping you. It's keeping you stuck, it's keeping you clinging to WAW. And that's interfering with both your journey and hers.
I have been on here for a while now, and I've never once seen someone write "I know this wasn't what DB would advise" followed by a positive outcome. I think your speech at the courthouse flowed from a place of denial, still thinking that you can avoid this loss. The only result is that, as DB says, it forces WAW to resolve herself to keep moving away.
You talk about praying for your marriage. I would really like to see you praying that God's will be done, not yours, and that your faith is strengthened to know that you will thrive whatever God has in store for you. Read my last post on unconditional happiness (on my new thread).
I'm not sure if your WAW will come back or not. Some do. Many don't. I just want you to focus on your journey. It will do wonders for you whatever the future may hold.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Zues, I understand what you are saying. I believe th a God does not like divorce and his will would be that we stay together. But my wife has free will. I pray the holy spirit speaks to her and convicts her to realize her wayward ways. Am i in denial, may e but I know chances are slim she will come back but I serve a great God. Prayer is all I can do. She is 500 miles away. This was our first real argument in 18 years of marriage. A little background. Wife's father falls and wife goes home to be with him in hospital. Father dies,wife meets brother of HS friend and begins texting affair. I tracked her phone and hacked email trying to see how close they were. She is mad because I did this. But I forgive her for her affair. The affair ended months ago when he ended it
