Extremely confused

[sandi2]

I'm confused Tx. This doesn't seem to match your signature? Which says you are currently together.

Ah, come on guy! After 892 posts, you didn't know what he meant?

[mahhhty]

Sorry Sandi. I guess, I'm still confused.

Tx wrote... "She didn't respond so I gave up and moved on. That was the thing that got her back, ironically enough, is when I no longer wanted her."

But his signature said they were still together.

If you are saying that the only way things change is to completely move on. I do get that.

Sorry for hijack K.

[Squiggy]

You are in amazing hands with the people already in this thread, keefa. Make sure you truly reflect and spend time thinking on the points that are made. I don't want to hijack too much, only put in a couple thoughts after reading your sitch.

You are grieving now. It [censored]. There's no other way to put it. However, you have some great things to help you move forward. When your boys are around, put all of yourself into them. At the end of the day, you will always be their dad. They deserve the best of you each and every moment you are with them. Keep the time about them and do not let WAW talk leak into it. Tell them you understand, love them, and will always do your best for them.

Same for that pooch of your's. I know that during my misery time, my dogs somehow knew I was hurting and banded together to me. They helped me through those tough times when I was alone in the home.

Finally, detaching is a b1tch. I remember someone telling me that the WAW is ahead of the detaching game when they leave. However, you have the gift of being able to improve YOU! The end results, so long as you put in the work, are worth it. Set your goals, no matter how small, and work them. Pour all of yourself into them. You can make it.

[keefa]

I am laying awake counting the hours now before my soon to be ex wife makes it my soon to be ex family. This feels so surreal. Like a dream i cannot wake from. I am utterly alone right now, I have no family close. I do not feel strong. I do not feel able to continue divorce busting. She is moving out this weekend, taking the furniture, tv's, my boys, my family, my security, my hopes and my dreams, my life.
Nothing I have done seems to pave any way to reconciliation. Self preservation is the best I feel I can hope for. Shallow cliches are all I here. It will get better. Things will change. Unless this can be unmade in my head it will never change.
I feel like I am a spectator of my own life. Watching helplessly as it goes in a direction I don't want. I over eat. I starve. I miss sleep till exhaustion kicks me down. I read the book over and over until it becomes a blur in my head.
I'm seeing a counsiler but it's basically ' it's happening get used to it.'
Nothing in life can prepare a man to loose so much in this way.
I don't want to cope. I don't want to 'feel better' I don't want to just survive.
I want my life back. It feels useless. Just empty and useless doing all this.
She's moving out and I can't 'feel' anything from her. Nothing. I might as well be dead to her. I guess I already am. I cannot find strength anywhere.
I feel guilty I am not strong for my boys. But they will never see a broken Daddy.
I don't know what to think.
I don't know what to do

[Azzork]

So what can you do to take back control of your own life?

If you aren't in control of it, who do you expect to be? Accepting that you can't control your W, you need to start doing things in your power. GAL...spend quality time with your kids...etc, etc.


Stay strong, keefa. I know these days are rough. One day at a time.

[Free]

Keefa,
Going through this is a feeling like no other. I completely feel your pain.
The anxiety of the moment is overwhelming, I know. Stop and breath for a minute. Focus on you and your boys only. They need you, the real you, now more than ever.
The saying "This too shall pass" is so true. Easier said than done, I know.
It helped me to read some older threads on here to see similar situations and what the outcomes were. There are many to read that are inspiring and pulled me through days like you are experiencing today.
If you have not already read it, search "Crimson" and read from the beginning.
Be well.

[Thornton]

I feel your pain. I'm going through the same thing. You are in withdrawal right now. The anxiety is brutal. I know how it feels to not sleep and when you do sleep, it's only in 15 minute segments with waking up and realizing you are alone. Rinse wash and repeat. It's like withdrawing from a drug.

Your story reminds me of what i went through with my ex-wife. She took EVERYTHING from me. Long story short, I eventually moved on and found another woman to love. As soon as my WAW found out, she came crawling back and begging me to take her back. It was too late, I had already moved on.

It will get better. Promise.

[G8r]

Keefa, I hear you and I feel your pain. I have many of the same thoughts you have running through my head right now. Talking to friends and posting / reading this board help ease the pain for me, that is if I can focus enough. If I unable to focus, just breathe. It will kick in the parasympathetic portion of the vagus nerve to help calm you.

[J5K]

Keefa,

Be strong! Focus on you and the boys! Be who YOU want to be. The rest will fall into place! You can't control actions of others! Forgive them for what they have done and move on! I am two months into mine and it is still a rollercoaster ride but at some point the ride stops! The sooner you get there the better. You can do it just like many others have! Keep posting!

[keefa]

I am trying. I am running most days, I am trying to eat well but I seem to just eat rubbish when I can. I am trying hard at work, am going out each week with friends, am building a race car in my garage at home. I meet with a therapist once a week. I lose myself in doing my washing, household chores. I listen to music, I try and get to bed reasonably early. I spend as much quality time with my boys as I can. My eldest is now saying ' you look sad Daddy, cheer up' In short, I am doing all I can to GAL but i feel exhausted doing it. I just want to crawl in to bed and wake up in 2 years time. I toy with the idea of running away, I am usually the kind of person that stops by the side of the road if someone has broken down. But it gets you no where. you still lose everything anyway. for the first time I can remember, I feel like a negative person. Its been 7 months for me now. GAL is a continuous effort. The pain just does not let up. everyday there is something fresh to dig deep. I have never felt sorry for myself. Ever. I feel uncomfortable venting on here. When does it change ? 7 months and it feels as raw now as when I discovered her affair. she doesn't care, she is cold, emotionless and even her coughing in the other room irritates me. She is a familiar stranger. I don't know her. I want my wife back but nothing I do seems to have had the slightest impact. hopless is a word I would chose. I can't move on because I want my wife back so much it physically hurts.