Tam, I'm sorry for what your H told you. If you keep on having R talks with him, it will drive him further away and he will keep on telling you the same thing. However, if you back right off, leave him to OW and get on with your own stuff - who knows, he may just start to turn back towards you again in time.
WAS's always say they are done and there is no hope. Truly there is no hope for now - but in time who knows? You contacting him, talk to him about R, asking him to try again is all contrary to DBing rules. Have you read & re-read DB and DR? Do you read and re-read the DBing rules every day? Please try and get yourself to a place where you don't drive him further away by pushing for another try at the M...respect his choice for now - even though it isn't what you want.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I'm so undecided. Wait it out or move out of state to near my sisters. Advice?
Last edited by Cadet; 02/12/1606:39 AM. Reason: edit to fix post
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
I am done with any R talks with him. We have talked briefly about the kids and that's it. I feel calmer, he seems nicer. My kids are out to dinner with him and OW right now and I'm not good with it but I feel calm. Things are looking up for ME and I will keep rereading the rules because when I stay on track it helps ME. Pray for me to continue to do it right. I know it's only been a few days but it does make a difference! I have a hickey game to go to with my son tomorrow nt, a hair spot tomorrow am and my friends baptism on Sunday with lunch after! Peace and calm, peace and calm, step away from the phone and no one gets hurt...
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
I have to tell myself to step away from the phone all the time. That sounds like a really good weekend. I'll pray for you to keep on track (pray for me to Im struggling )
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
Good for you Tamjkar - glad you can feel the difference it makes 'for you' - just leave him to broil in oil for a while and live your life.....hope you have a lovely weekend xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Had a good weekend so far, GALing. I admit sometimes I'm faking it or feel like I'm a bubble just going through steps of life kind of numb. I have an urge to text my x something sexual, he has desire for me still, I know this and know he would act on it eventually. I miss him. BUT it's a horrible idea right?! Cuz he's happy with OW ( at least that's what him and my kids say). I little part of my says I want to take what I can get. I know this is a BAD move and would probably make things worse right?! Someone pls talk some sense into me! I need to stay strong with NC!
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
That would be such a bad move Tam - step away from the phone and no-one gets hurt, remember?
You don't want to become OW to your H's current R - truly you don't. Hold your head up high, be graceful and move forward with your own life. He has nothing good to offer you while he is actively in a R with someone else, and you are worth so much more than that my friend xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks I needed to here that! I'm not going to do anything stupid! No more sabatoging! Sometimes I just get such a desperate feeling inside that he's gone forever and it scares the heck out of me besides making me sad etc.
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
I understand that & I've been there too - where you feel desperate and compelled to do something - anything! - to try and improve things. A big lesson to learn is that it is often better to do nothing. I've learned that I don't tend to regret doing nothing - but there are times I have regretted doing something (or as Wonka would call it - prodding the bear.)
So, if in doubt, or feeling swept away emotionally - just try sitting with those feelings and they will pass. Equally, maybe try doing some stuff just for you - planning some GAL, or reaching out to a friend. But the big thing to remember is - you don't want him on these terms - truly - he may still want you at some level (my H certainly told me he did) - but he didn't want to let go of OW - time for a rollercoaster ride!!
Take care Sweetie - you're doing really well x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
