Skanky B...lol...that made me laugh MB. Thanks for your words. I can't sleep. Almost drove over there. Because I want to. Also because condoms don't just walk away and he keeps crying innocent. He says he is home every night! I know if I drive there right now he won't be home and I kind of feel like it will help me keep my resolve. But I'm struggling and fighting myself NOT to go.
MB I totally get where you're coming from. That you don't want to let go. In my past I was cheated on. And I walked away without a second thought and never looked back. Why the F is it so hard with him!!!
And all my life I have had the personality that once I move on, once I'm "done" there is zero chance of getting me to change my mind. My first real love cheated and I dropped him like a bad habit. I cried but never went back. He is still in love with me. And I wouldn't touch him for anything.
So I get scared. If he wakes up and grows up that I won't care one little bit. And that would make me so sad. For us yes, but more so for our kids.
But like you said...they are forcing us to play this hand. So really, if I get to that point he will have no one to blame but himself. I mean he will blame me (he already is) but he would be the one to believe that.
I hope you're feeling better... A hot bath will probably feel wonderful!
You really are doing awesome, Rain...even when you feel like you aren't. You're stronger than you think.
Anna I feel like a complete DB failure but thank you. And I fell asleep reading and never got my hot shower. But I will. It's calling to me LOL
Also I remembered who said that about validating them when they keep lying and cheating etc is saying ...good job breathing..you do that really well. It was Mona!
Anna...where are you? I tried to visit your thread but it keeps saying it can't be found. I did a search and none of your posts come up. None. Only whatever you have posted on other threads.
. MB I totally get where you're coming from. That you don't want to let go. In my past I was cheated on. And I walked away without a second thought and never looked back. Why the F is it so hard with him!!!
Read the last sentence of your quote below......that's your answer!!
Originally Posted By: Rain75
So I get scared. If he wakes up and grows up that I won't care one little bit. And that would make me so sad. For us yes, but more so for our kids.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
I hope you're feeling better... A hot bath will probably feel wonderful!
You really are doing awesome, Rain...even when you feel like you aren't. You're stronger than you think.
Anna I feel like a complete DB failure but thank you. And I fell asleep reading and never got my hot shower. But I will. It's calling to me LOL
Uh oh....I can't find her either. I wonder if it had anything to do with what we were talking about on her thread???
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
No, no...stop torturing yourself with those thoughts!!!! Bad Rain!!
He probably uses them to make balloon animals because he's bored and lonely without you. That's all.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
. MB I totally get where you're coming from. That you don't want to let go. In my past I was cheated on. And I walked away without a second thought and never looked back. Why the F is it so hard with him!!!
Read the last sentence of your quote below......that's your answer!!
Originally Posted By: Rain75
So I get scared. If he wakes up and grows up that I won't care one little bit. And that would make me so sad. For us yes, but more so for our kids.
I know the fact that we have kids makes it harder. But I read Monas thread and this is the 2nd time she is here and the 3rd affair. The 1st time she DBed for 3 years while he was with ow. He came home and they were gloriously happy. But it happened again. I don't want that to be my life. It scares the sh!t out of me MB.
I know. It scares me too! I really do know. This is his first time to cheat on ME, but I know that he cheated on his first W more than once. She had addiction issues and I really believed that was why he cheated on her. I know that everyone would say I should have expected it, but I really didn't. I would have NEVER thought he would have cheated on me. I am not emotionally or physically unavailable to him like his first W was. I am the complete opposite of that! But, now that he has, it does scare me too. I really think it's because of his MLC though. I just don't think he knows any other way to cope at this point. Or, that could just me be trying to make excuses and justify it for him. I think IF he ever gets out of his MLC...and we end up together....I don't think I would be able to put up with his cheating on me AGAIN. I'm not saying that you shouldn't because only you can decide what's best for you, I just don't think I could put myself out there again to have my heart ripped out again. I'm going to feel darn lucky just to have survived it once!
Just take some time to think about what it is that YOU want. Be brutally honest with yourself. Figure out if you actually want to be married to HIM, or if you're just afraid to let him go. Then, figure out what you are willing to put up with. Can he live up to that? This is one of the things that I have a hard time doing...being HONEST with myself about what I'm thinking, feeling, and wanting where H is concerned.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
He and I are done. I will report back what all happened but we are done. I need time to process.
I want to say thank you to Zues, Pink, tl2, 25years, NYGal, Ancaire, Anna (please come back!!), Rouky and you MB. And anyone else that has dropped by and given me hugs and supprt and 2x4s.... My new peeps...my online possee.
I am not going anywhere. The days ahead will be emotional and hard. Love you guys
