I've taken a look at Meetups and for my area there is a group for singles who don't want to be single anymore. I'm not there at the moment. I'm just working and sorting out paperwork for now. Today I had to go a yearly all day work training session and when I got back it just felt so weird to have the house empty. I'm so used to W asking how it went etc. On Monday I have to email about our monthly agreement for S and his financing.We have had NC for two weeks, the longest time in 24 years. I'm fighting the urge to turn it into a newsletter about me! Should I be at all chatty or would it seem strange to just drily list a series of expenses with no questions about her or information about S and me. W got back from her holiday on Wednesday and took S for a dental appointment on Friday. She wanted to tell S about her holiday but he didn't want to know, she tried to ask him out for lunch but he didn't want to go. She asked him if he wanted to see her new flat but again no. I can't sort out their relationship but I can't understand the mind of a woman who leaves her son to be with OM and then expects nothing to have changed. When she left she had visions that she'd be around our flat bringing food, watching tv etc. She even once said she'd like to go on holiday some time in future and would have no problem sharing a room! I assume she'll have realised by now that can't happen whilst she is living with OM. Feeling very down and don't know if I'm going the right way or not but I can't be the best friend she told me I am in her mind.
Hi Scrant, I'm sorry you're feeling a bit low. ((((Scrant)))) - when in contact with H, I tend to be mainly business, but polite and with one or two pleasant comments thrown in.
So, in your sitch I might say something like - Hi H, hope you had a good break. Here's the info about S's stuff.....insert the info here.....
Maybe add a piece of info about something S has been up to...
Then say - have a good weekend
That's about all I do. But if you have been up to anything interesting, you can always allude to it - but very light touch - don't want to try too hard there...
Sorry to hear about the Meetups. Keep on looking and talking to people about GAL possibilities. It is far better to be doing stuff and meeting new people. What about some sport GAL??
Do treat yourself to something nice this weekend - even if it's just a nice bath or a cup of coffee out.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks for the advice as always. I won't text until Monday evening or Tuesday morning. Last night after posting S texted me to suggest meeting in the centre of town for dinner. While we were waiting for a table five ex work colleagues from years ago appeared behind me, some with their wives. They invited us to join them but as S didn't really know them I said we'd come over for a drink at the end of the meal. A couple of the guys and their wives used to be good friends many years ago until family life, change of jobs etc meant we drifted apart. When we went over to chat it was like the years rolled back. I really enjoyed myself and by the end I exchanged numbers with one of the guys and arranged to join Thursday meetups for a bit of late night soccer. They told me the dinner is was a yearly get together and I should really join for the next one. I didn't have to explain about W, that will come up naturally in time. Left feeling really boosted and S was so pleased for me. GAL can happen in the most unexpected ways!
Just caught up with your sitch. You are doing well except for the cake eating you let your W have.
It's hard to not dwell on those small things they do to draw us in.
I too have kids that want nothing to do with my W. 13 and 15 yr old. W did some pretty selfish things that were abusive verbally and emotionally to them so she could find herself.
I like that you have stepped out of their relationship and left it to W to fix it. Your son seems to grasp this whole thing well. As long as he isn't holding every emotion in and he can talk to someone.
I'm a few months more into this circus but I still have my dreams and thoughts drifting to W. I'm lucky in a way mine is a vanisher. She is with OM so I won't entertain being her friend or forgive her at this time. Later on who knows. It's the damage to the kids that gets me wound up and will be hard to forgive.
Be strong for you son. He is watching you and will learn to be a better man.
All the best to you Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Great news with the GAL Scrant - it does give you a much needed boost. And one bit of GAL does tend to lead to another. Great that you can play some Thurs pm footie...and who knows, that may lead to another activity. I think it helps if you can open up a little and share your current situation - people tend to be keen to help - particularly if they are or have been in a similar place. No-one forgets how they feel during a period like this.
Hope next week is a good one for you xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
And one bit of GAL does tend to lead to another. Great that you can play some Thurs pm footie...and who knows, that may lead to another activity. I think it helps if you can open up a little and share your current situation - people tend to be keen to help - particularly if they are or have been in a similar place.
This is so true-- I went for a meal on Friday with some friends from the running club and ended the evening with 3 new FB friends, meeting 5/6 new people and one person, who vaguely knows my sitch, reaching out to me to keep in touch to either go out, or go cycling together.
I was engaging and funny in the conversation after the meal and it boosted my self esteem. All in all I am getting more detached and after separation W won't see me for dust. She is off the pedestal that I put her on.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Oops sorry for the bold - no edit need to use preview more
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Thanks for all the encouragement. Today I'm really unsettled. W took S for a routine doctor's appointment. I saw him briefly when he got back and he looked bemused. He told me that W had suggested getting a dog last week but he had laughed it off. She repeated the idea this morning. He said her reasoning was that if they shared the dog she'd see him more. We didn't talk more but I'm amazed. When we were together she never wanted a dog when he asked, she doesn't especially like them. I've no idea if OM is good with them or not but she certainly isn't. I don't know if I should stay back and let S and W sort it out, give S my opinon or talk to W. It seems so desperate an attempt to buy his affection, to force him to visit her and probably OM when he doesn't want to. She has asked him to eat out on Friday which I have no problem with, I told S he can tell mum things I do as I don't mind. S said we'd eaten out at weekend but didn't mention my meeting up with old friends, he's very discreet!
Hi Scrant, I would leave well alone with the dog suggestion (not your sandpit that one.) If your W wants to get a dog in her new place....up to her. If S sees more of her if she gets a dog...up to him...none of these things need concern you at all. Her life is not yours any more (at least for now!!)
JMHO of course my friend
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I don't want to manipulate S at all but he will want my opinion at some stage. The idea of shared ownership seems to be designed to manipulate his emotions as he loves dogs and logically will want to see "his" pet. I'll try to keep out but it is seems to be an attempt by W to manipulate S. She refused to have a dog before.
