M 43 W 45 M 10.5 T 15 S 26 D 17 (previous relationships) ILYB 12/25/15 + asks for D Confirm affair 1/10/16 W has D ready to sign, but agrees to wait for refinancing to go through (I get a house!)
I'm sorry Thornton. It does sound like she has some intimacy issues. issues around getting too close to someone.
One thing that has helped me is to list things I'm thankful for and to go back to it several times a day. I also write down my plans. Plans I have for myself moving forward. Most of mine have been around remodeling my home.
Me 40 WW 41 D 4 S 12 S 14 BD 6.16.2015 W stopped wearing ring 9.4.15 W Filed Divorce 9.14.15 My ring off 11.15.15 D finalized 12.18.15 WXW (wayward X wife) moved out 1.28.16 got her own place
Damn, you were an inspiration on here Thornton. As someone else said, you've done it once so you know you can do it again. Basics, basics, basics.
You also lived through the panic before so you know it's not real. You're not going to die. You know this. It just feels like it. Keep telling yourself that all is going to be well in time and this is simply not that time. You're injured, but it's not forever.
Sorry to hear about the turn in your life, keep breathing, staying grateful for what you do have and keeping the big picture in mind. You got this.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
The real question should be how can we lengthen these breaks. I do have moments when I feel i get these breaks, when I am completely wrapped up in something that my mind is only on what I am doing. I know it is hard to find something like that, but they are out there. I truly challenging part is forcing yourself to do something, anything. I surprise myself when i do force it and how much it helps.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Well she stopped by the house tonight to grab some clothes. We made small talk and then I asked if she staying at her mom's house permanently. She said she didn't know but that her feelings about us haven't changed. She's done.
I'm still in shock. Kind of numb actually. We have been in our new house for 6 months. Not sure where to go from here. I know, beleive nothing they say... But the look in her eye said it all. I don't know if there is anything I can do to fix it this time.
It's hard because we have been through so much together. Lots of huge life challenges that I felt bonded us and made us unbreakable. Apparently she doesnt feel the same way.
I really have no other option but to go NC. She was adamant that she she felt we were too damaged to bounce back. We certainly have had some big rows but I didn't think they were deal breakers. Sometimes I even felt she was looking to pick fights to create some distance in the relationship.
Ive read some about the Avoidant personaility in relationships and she fits the bill.
In the meantime, I need to figure me out. Obviously this is fresh and I'm hurting. The anxiety is what kills me. I wake up at 4am, realize she's not there and then immediately fall in to panic.
Being codepedant certainly doesnt help. I need to invest in some therapy to tackle that issue.
I understand waking up in the middme of the night and realizing they are gone. I have been doing that lately. I wish you the best of luck this time around. I have faith that if you dis it this time you can do it again with hooe and patience.
We had a blizzard here and I'm working from home today. Really having a hard time reminiscing about my relationship.
I'm stuck in our house. The house we worked so hard for, spent so much time searching for. It's symbolic.
This house represents the next step in our relationship after we reconciled and dated while living apart for a year. We finally made it here and now its been blown up.
I find myself obsessed looking for a definitive reason as to why this happened.
When we lived apart, things were amazing - honeymoon. We fought maybe 2-3 times in that year timeframe. Little did I know, she was drinking at her place.
Once we moved in, I noticed an immediate change in her demeanor. She was more aggresive and irritable. It makes me wonder if the alcohol that enabled her to be such an awesome fiance when we were piecing.
She claims she never got drunk. She would simply have a glass of wine or a beer when she got home from a stressful day at work.
When we moved in, she would joke about getting a drink. I would laugh it off because I thought she really was joking. But now I'm wondering if she was really withdrawing because she knows I would have a problem with her drinking around me.
In our counseling session, she even told the therapist that she doesnt think she has a problem anymore. That her abusive drinking was dealt with in rehab due to her anger issues. She now claims her anger has vanished and as such, she can drink every now and then. To be honest, she has been just as grumpy as ever IMO.
Im at a loss. I thought all those issues were behind us and that we would be getting married soon. The pain Im experiencing is incredible.
I keep thinking about what my life is going to look like from here on out. I miss her terribly and ever thing reminds me of her.
In the meantime, I need to figure me out. Obviously this is fresh and I'm hurting. The anxiety is what kills me. I wake up at 4am, realize she's not there and then immediately fall in to panic.
Being codepedant certainly doesnt help. I need to invest in some therapy to tackle that issue.
Thor...buddy....
Back to basics, same as before....
DB101
Go back and read your early threads...same questions still apply...
