I just noticed that I had over 100 posts, so starting a new thread. Hope everyone is having a great night tonight and plans for some Awesome GAL activities for this weekend.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
I just caught up on your thread. Its easy to give advice to others harder to apply to ourselves Maybe this can be filed under the school of hard knocks. Im maintaining my no contact just for me because i still have strong and positive feelings. Im not sleeping well either i wake up early all the time and then start analysing.
There has to be a way to let go and yet still be loving and open to reconciling and building a better marriage. Im using my counselling to focus on goals and improving myself.
Stick with it, your posts show your making progress and the ability to learn and recognise. We need to be happy and secure in ourselves. There are a lot of wiser DBers who express themselves better then i can
Hi Lucky! Yea, last night was not one of my better moments. I just can't seem to stop myself sometimes. I do fewer dumb moves like that now than I did to start with. I just start thinking and thinking and somehow convince myself it's a good idea even though I KNOW that it's not. Then, afterward I just sit and shake my head in disbelief.
H is seeing ow. So, the more I try to detach and let go, the more I get scared that I'm basically just handing him over to her without a fight. I know I can't control him or make him do anything, but I also can't influence him AT ALL if I'm not around. Of course, we are married so I shouldn't have to influence him to want to be with me.....
Either way, I'm back on NC for now. I sure hope he comes out of this sooner rather than later. He's wearing me out!
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
I'm going to give you some advice that I need to listen to as well. Don't worry about your H. Worry about you. It's not about what he is or isn't doing. It's about what you do to improve yourself. Every bad event gives us the opportunity to grow.
Yes, there is pain. Yes it is horrible. But you will get past it become stronger for it. Just take time to figure out what you can do for yourself. Initially just to escape, but eventually to work on potential areas of growth. None of us are perfect, and now is a beautiful time to grow.
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
Good morning MB. I hope you got some sleep last night!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Good morning MB. I hope you got some sleep last night!
Actually, I did! I got about 2 1/2 hrs. WooHoo! That's an improvement for me. LOL.
Pretty sure it's the medicine keeping me awake. I was hoping that particular side effect would wear off, but not sure how much longer I can wait. It's weird, I sit here with no sleep and I'm wide awake and I'm not even sure I could keep my eyes closed if I tried. I feel tired, but not sleepy.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Good morning, MB! I just read through your story from the other night. You really shouldn't be so hard on yourself. We all do things on this journey that, in retrospect, we really wish we hadn't. There is nothing to be done about it except to pick yourself back up, dust off, and make choices that make you happier next time.
I DO think the fact H said you intoxicate him is a good sign that he still feels something for you. I also think you should ditch that IC if he is telling you there is no hope and find one who is more marriage friendly. It really disgusts me the throwaway attitude some people have towards marriage. You are a family...not something to just be discarded and on to the next one because things aren't perfect.
I'm going to give you some advice that I need to listen to as well. Don't worry about your H. Worry about you. It's not about what he is or isn't doing. It's about what you do to improve yourself. Every bad event gives us the opportunity to grow.
Thanks SciDad. I know that you're right. I'm just so afraid of loosing him in the process. I think it's that fear that keeps me from moving in any direction at all and just being stuck where I am. Afraid to let go. Afraid to no do anything. Just so afraid of making the wrong choice and messing up any chance of getting back together. I know I need to let go of that fear, I just don't know how to do that yet. I am a person that is very passive, easy going, always tries to fix things so everyone is happy.....and I hate change more than anything. So, to think of making huge changes in my life and relationship, and possibly loosing it, is just beyond scary for me. I know I can't be the only person on this forum that feels this way or that seems to be stuck like I am. I know this makes me sound like a weak person, but I'm actually not. It's just this one part of my life I can't seem to get a grasp on. Still trying.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
I DO think the fact H said you intoxicate him is a good sign that he still feels something for you.
It was really weird when he said that. He wouldn't even look at me. It was like he thinks one look in my eyes it's going to trap hm forever or something. There was another time right after BD when he kept looking away from me and I asked him why he wouldn't look at me. He said "because I won't ever want to stop." I think that's why he pushes me so far away. He's afraid if he's around me he won't be able to stay away. Or, maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part. So confused. If I just knew what he actually thinks and feels, it would make MY life so much easier.
Originally Posted By: annab74
I also think you should ditch that IC if he is telling you there is no hope and find one who is more marriage friendly. It really disgusts me the throwaway attitude some people have towards marriage.
That's what's so strange. He is a Christian based marriage and family counselor. He tries to keep families together. He asked if I was ready to move on or keep working on things. I told him that I didn't know HOW to move on. Maybe he was trying to move me on. LOL. Kind of wondering if he sees me hurting and struggling for so long, then saw H that one time and could tell he wasn't ready to work on things so he is trying to save me from a loooooooong and painful wait for something that may never happen?? I don't know. None of our sessions have ever been anything like that before. I guess that's why it hit me so hard. It came out of nowhere and I never saw it coming and wasn't sure how to respond.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
