We are as far as I know. Not with holding the kids at all. There have been no signs toward that. When I have the kids I am quite happy if she wants to talk to them. I don't want to seem like I am distancing myself from them by not asking how they are or talking to them regularly. It makes me feel like I'm not doing enough. So yes I do need to talk to them to ful fill my needs.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Tyler, so glad you had a great day and did well on your test. Just remember that this is lik a roller coaster ride so don't be surprised if you have a few good days followed by some bad ones. Eventually, the bad ones should get less bad and less frequent. Keep up the good work!
As for your boys, you should be able to talk to them whenever you want to. Maybe you had your W could set up a specific time when you call them. Maybe after school, or right before bed. Or maybe they can call you every evening after dinner or something like that. That way you don't have to text her every day asking, and everyone will know when you will call, or when they will call you. Just a thought.
Hope you have another great day tomorrow!
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Today was another great day. School went well. Got a random text from W that was just a comment so I didn't feel the need to reply. Went out for supper with some friends. And got to work on a dresser I bought. I'm re finishing it so it matches the wood in my room. I have been looking for a set of night stands and a friend was selling his and his bed frame. I didn't really need the bed frame but I liked the stands and it is a nice bed frame. So I said screw it. I'm buying them. Set it all up and it's amazing the change a bed frame makes. It makes it my own bed. Not the bed I used to share. And not intended but a bit funny to me. I stood back and looked at it. Was pleased. Then realized. Man. W would have loved this. Too bad she didn't stick around to see it. Made me smile.
Also talked to S3 tonight. Was missing the boys and so I called and chatted with him. He sang me a song he learned at day care and told me about his day. Tried to get me to say it's ok to have treat even though he didn't finish his supper and W already told him no. That made me giggle. So all in all it was a good day. That's 2!
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Today so far has been another uneventful and good day.
Except for a few minutes where W popped into my head. I thought about holding her and I had a bad feeling deep in my stomach. The kind of feeling where you know your not going to experience that again. It was really tough to get through.
I was able to think of my kids and good memories to get past the sick feeling. The thought of her still clouds my mind right now. Hoping this can pass because right now I miss her alot
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Except for a few minutes where W popped into my head. I thought about holding her and I had a bad feeling deep in my stomach. The kind of feeling where you know your not going to experience that again. It was really tough to get through.
I remember walking through the airport in Atlanta the first day of separation with XW thinking to myself how there was a decent chance that I would never kiss XW again.
No real advice. Just letting you know you arent alone.
Hi Tyler12. I get that pit in my stomach as well. Still remember our last kiss etc... It socks that it's extremely highly likely that we'll never have those experiences ever again. Not sure how to handle it other than to tell myself the pain will subside eventually. Hope tonight and tomorrow are better for you.
Me:44 W:38 T:10.5 M:7.5 D:3 BD: 7/2015 W moves out of MBR: 9/2015 WW files for D: 2/8/2016
It's not an easy process. Part of me wants to call her and try and talk about R. Then I realize. It's not a good idea. If she wanted to she would talk to me. I know when I started this process of dbing it was to save my M. That's most of the reason we all end up here. And through all the advice and the time you spend DBing your thought process changes . Although I have been GAL and finding new things to do for myself. The reason behind it all was so W would someday see it. Today my thought process started to shift. For me it's still not all the way there But it's a realization that it is for me. The thought may shift back and forth between for her or for me. No matter what I try and tell myself a lot of this so far has been M and W focused. And tho I have told myself all along its for me deep down I didn't really see it that way. I guess that is part of the fake it till you make it. Sitting here processing all I have been doing I thought yes it was for her to notice, but I enjoyed doing it. It made me happy. It was for me after all and it is feeling like that now. This feeling may also change like the feelings and sadness I have some days. That's all part of the process tho. You come here to save your M and while your here you start to learn being in a R is a bonus to living your life the way YOU want to live it.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Well. I feel like I just fell backwards in dbing. I really felt like I was doing well limiting contact to the kids. I had to talk to her tonight about finances because we agreed that she would be coving half of the owing on bills when she left. It's on a signed document. It started out with her getting mad at me for her not having money. Because she started her jobs in between pay periods and I have to have the boys every weekend. I stopped her and asked. Are you really angry at me for wanting the boys on weekends and you blame me and that reason for money being tight? She said no. I'm not mad at you its just been a long week and I'm tired. That's where I feel like I took steps back. From there she went on for 5-6 minutes about work and how her boss is a idiot. And I listened to it all. Validated. And she kept going. It was weird to me because she hasn't told me about her day or week in months. So I feel like I slipped by talking to her, and what's worse is I didn't get to end the convo on my terms. She was talking and said oh crap. I gotta go. Alight bye.
Maybe some of you will see this as not a big deal. It just goes against the lack of contact I have been trying to have. And her spewing how she's doing to me was nice to a point. It's nothing to read into at all I don't think. Just feel used right now
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Hopefully today goes better than it started. I woke up stressed about money this am because the loan I got to cover expenses during school is going to be almost gone at the beginning of February. It's stressing because I have ended up covering her ass because she isn't getting paid yet. If she starts paying me back I'll be ok. But for now it doesn't look great
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Looking forward to tonight. I will have all 4 of my kids for the weekend! It's always a bit hectic while they all are here. The older 2 are amazing helpers with the younger 2. And the littlest one is so close to walking that I am going to make it a goal to get him walking this weekend I am looking forward to that a lot.
W texted me this morning that S11m got sick this am but he is still his happy normal self. It was just a heads up I guess. Not sure why that couldn't have waited until I saw her later when we meet for the boys tho. I said thanks and I will keep an eye on it. Have a good day. Right away she said thanks you too.
Not as nervous to meet her this time as I have been previous times. And I am going to remember to make an effort to maintain eye contact during conversation. I have been practicing that with other people too. And it's getting better. I catch myself looking away at times and remedy this. Over all tho I am feeling better about myself and moving on with my life. Looking at the last couple weeks of doing things to GAL and distract myself I think I need to dial it back a bit. The house needs cleaning and laundry is behind. Lol. So I need to find a balance
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
