I'm not really sure where to post. I wish there was some type of a combo, because I fit into several different categories.I used to post here regularly, I had a wonderful support group and learned a lot, mainly about saving myself more than the marriage.
I survived the MLC, I've survived the piecing, and now, I think I may be a borderline walk away wife.
Divorce-busting was a Godsend to me. It made a huge difference in my own life. Unfortunately, the big lesson here is that you can't change someone else. You can bang your head against a wall and scream until you're blue in the face, but it won't make anything change if the other person refuses to see themselves as they truly are. That's the great thing about this place, you work on yourself. You make great changes. You learn how to breathe again, and most of all, you take off the rose colored glasses and see things as they truly are.
So now, I'm wavering between giving it one last try or finally having the fortitude to say," I've done my best, let's move on."
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
I survived my husband's MLC. I never had the luxury of having my own MLC. I think he was one of the worst ones in DB history. Anyways, that doesn't really matter now. Regardless, I am the Queen of detachment, I know the script. I already know the do's and do nots. I can go dark, 50 shades of it. But again, that doesn't matter now. I think I am at that point where I no longer want to be the nice, understanding wife anymore. I don't want to keep making excuses for his bad behavior and selfishness. A wise person once told me that excuses satisfy only the person making them.
I am sorry that you are finding your way back to this website again. Somehow "Welcome Back" doesn't sound quite right, but I'm glad you have returned to a place where you have received much needed support.
You are thinking you are the WAW now? What has changed since you worked so hard to get your marriage moving in a more positive direction?
You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Speaking with a DB Coach will help you clarify your goals.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Cristy, Thank you. I think more and more about leaving because I am the only one who does any work in this relationship. Whenever I want to talk about a problem or an issue I am shut down. If I say something that rocks the boat I am usually asked if my period is due or if I had a bad day at work.There is no validation or responsibility on his part. So, I am fed up and completely spent
You make me think of myself when I first came to the board. It was as if I was saying, "Somebody stop me and tell me why I should stay in this cr@ppy M". However, I'm sure there's a big difference, b/c I was having an online A.
Your statement about not having the luxury of having a MLC also made me think of people who say they don't have the luxury of having a nervous breakdown. I don't think you really mean it. I think you are very resentful b/c you hung in this MR throughout his terrible MLC, and now that he has come through it.........you are none closer to getting your needs met.
Before the MLC, would he shut you down whenever you wanted to discuss problems?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi2, Yes, you're right. I know now that he didn't have his MLC on purpose, and I would never want to have one. But it would be nice to "check out" for a short period of time and not have to deal with anything or have any responsibilities Before the MLC he was a different person. Nobody believed me when I told them about some of the things he was doing.He truly was a MLC-monster. Regardless, I am emotionally spent.
