I assumed she was using the kids to start talk. I didn't see t as a way of checking in on me tho. If you mentioned it before I bypassed that part totally. I don't think I need to tell her to leave me alone yet. Right now I will be more stringent on what I am answering.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
If you really want her to stop it, then tell her you want all contact to strictly be kid related (which, she usually finds some way to make it kid related).
I have found just not replying to things not kid-related to work pretty well too.
My wife would get really annoyed/upset if I had anything to do with another person, esp. a female.
Sandi is spot on. I'm sure it would be fun to tell her you're on a date, and can't talk with her, or apologize to her later, because you're other girlfriend and you were out... but lying won't help. You're end goal is to save things, right? Just going dark - let her feel that darkness, except for strict kid handoff/safety stuff.
If she's texting you that kid said 'daddy'... that's her doing a sonar 'ping', checking to see you're still where you're supposed to be. It's time to go stealth on her - engage the catepillar drive. *crosses fingers, hopes people get the reference*
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
I just used you're twice, when it should have been YOUR. Grammatical Faux Pas, GRRRR.
EDIT BUTTON, WHERE ARE YOU?
M46, EXWW46 M15 T17 D20, S19, D13 M - Addiction since 1998 W EA/PA #1 2013/2014 W EA #2 June 2015... BD 1 Big D talk 9/15 BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15 Served D 1/22/16 Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
I agree with Sandi and you trumpet. I'm not going to make things up as an excuse not to talk to her. Even the little interactions that are beyond kids are too much now and it's enough for her to gauge where I'm at. If it was something like the toque again I can just leave it. If I would have left it for another 30 minutes she would have seen it when she picked them up.
I'm just finding it hard not to respond even though I know I need to limit talk. It's a learning process and I'm getting better. Still have a long way to go tho
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I'm just finding it hard not to respond even though I know I need to limit talk. It's a learning process and I'm getting better. Still have a long way to go tho
You are still holding onto some kind of fear that makes you respond right away. Acknowledge the fear, look hard at it and push past it. Whatever the fear is, it is wrong. If you feel if you dont answer her right away she will get mad and be gone forever, that is not true. You are allowed to make her mad. Her anger will not push her away. Doing more of the same will push her away. Set firm limits and no matter what, stick to them. You can do this1
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Thank you Mona. I'm not sure if it fear or habit. Both of I think about it. And both need to be put aside. Your right. What I have some in t he past didn't work obviously and should I care if she is mad? No. How is that going to effect me? It won't. On a similar note. My wish has come true. It's been over 24 hours since she last contacted me. Or any contact whatsoever. Nothing at all today. And it was nice. Other than a part of me was waiting for that text that would end the streak. Tomorrow won't be as bad. It is kind of weird not having any contact for a whole day tho. First time in 5 years. And this brings up a question. Is it considered against what I am doing to ask to talk to the boys? I don't feel like it is if I were to text I would like to talk to the boys I'll call in 5. I understand I am not talking to her but I am not depriving myself of the boys or them of me because of this. It does not fit my goal of being the best dad I can be.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Oh. Also wanted to add. Today was a great day. Woke up happy and ready for school. I did great on my test. I was very happy with my mark. Had some good laughs with the other guys in class over lunch and spend the afternoon in the shop ripping apart a engine. There was an hour or so where I kind of wandered around the house looking for something to disract myself. Then v ball. Where I have probably had the most fun since I started going. Just felt more comfortable there. Like I could open up a bit more and joke around. It was a good day. Looking forward to others like this and for the bad ones to not be so low. It's coming around. slowly but surley
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
In my opinion I don't think you asking to speak to your kids goes against your D'bing approach. I suggest looking at an overall co-parenting plan and ensure both your wants and needs are there this is all about the kids and putting them first. You wanting to talk to them is a great part of that. That also means she gets the same if she chooses as well as two way street. And you guys can designate amount of time to speak and frequency, etc.
All depends on how you guys work together and for kids benefit, but these arrangements can be made.
M: 33 W: 30 T: 14 M: 9 S2 BD: May/2015 (w moves into spare bedroom one week later) EA / PA (discovered): June/2015 W moves out (living with OM): Sep/2015
