I would say I started to change for the better before I got and read the book. The advice I got off of this forum was and continues to be great. I have focused a lot more on GAL and detaching. The difference I found in the book is the ideas that are discussed here are explained a bit more thoroughly. And te exercises she recommends help a lot. Keeping notes and writing things down as you go helps better understand and keep tabs on where your at. Also the stories from people in the book give insight to I guess ideas and how to handle things in similar situations to your. That's how the book has helped me.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I guess a better answer would be how have things got better since I started Dbing. And that I can say is me getting out and doing things I enjoy more. I was a very sit in the house do nothing person. I find my mind looking for things to fill the time now that I refuse to waste it at the computer or TV. Second is I don't let other people's opinions and emotions effect me on a personal level as much. Not just W but everyone. I used to take anything that was said toe and apply it to myself. To worry about what people thought of me me and be judged by them. I still do to a point, it's getting better tho. Third is that I use the time I have with my children better. That stems from the lack of TV couchpotato time.
I have started eating more consciously. Not that I ate garbage before but the carbonated drink intake it almost zero. Better snack habits. Better self image stems from this. Also better hygiene or grooming I guess is better than hygiene. I always showered and was clean haha. But little things like paying more attention to shaving more regularly. Keeping facial hair groomed. Keeping nails trimmed and neat. I all around feel better about myself and I like it. I am looking to do more to expand on that for myself.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Now. A more important thing than what I have been doing to change is the self reflection on WHY I need to change and where did the habits/behaviour that got me into this situation come from. The root of the issues I am still working on although I have a good idea and will delve into that with IC. And part of it is definitely my father and mothers relationship. But like I said. That's something I am going to work on myself right now.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Hit the books for 2 1/2 hours tonight. My brain is fried. I took a break mid way and made some of my favourite cookies. Then back at it. Down side is W started texting me as soon as I was done school today. Did S3 toque get sent back? I replied I put it in his bag. And she made some comment about having a rough day and I just ignored it. I was driving. Then txting while I was studying. Could you look for my eye prescription. It's xxxx. So I looked. Not there. And she gets pissed. I know it's there. Whatever I'll get a new one. I replied. Look. It is not where you said. So unless there is somewhere else you put it. I have a test tomorrow I don't feel ready for. Have a good night. There was no sorry or anything. Just that she must have tossed it and good luck on the test. I don't even care about the interaction. I just want a day that there is nothing from her. Not a word. I can't avoid it tho as she always opens with a question about the boys. How hard would it have been for her to look in the bags when she got home last night or before she dropped them off at day care today? Why didn't she take things like an eye prescription with her? FYI she broke her glasses 2nd day in her new job. Part of me wants her to talk to me sometimes but a growing part wants a day. For myself. No stress from her. No bs. And I want to just shut my phone off and let it be. But with 4 kids in 2 different areas I need to be available if something happens.
On a happy note D12 texted me today asking for my mailing address. Bothered me a little she didn't know it. But I think she is sending me a letter. She wouldn't tell me. Haha. It made me smile and look forward to getting the mail more than when DR was coming. I need to sleep. Important test tomorrow and I should rest. Just wanted to update my day a bit.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
This is going to sound cold, but why respond if it's just some question about a toque? Like you said, she should be able to figure it out, right? same with her prescription... She left and if she couldn't be bothered to remember it, why is it your issue?
Questions you probably need to answer or respond to are emergency situations or drop off and pick up dates, times and locations.
Seems like she's using the kids as a gateway to try to talk to you like you're friends or something. I wouldn't let her Fzone you like that, IMO.
That's exactly what it feels like. Oh here is a comment or question just to say something. Like the toque thing. She already dropped him off at day care with the bag. He had been there for several hours. Would it matter at this point? She would see it later. I don't know. It's hard not to respond to these questions.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
You finding some things other than school to occupy yourself, bud?
I know that it was very helpful for me to set goals for myself and to focus on things I wanted to be better at and change for me. I figured that as long as I was having to go through all of this life changing stuff, I might as well make changes that were going to benefit me in the long-term.
Ya. School is very occupying as it's more of a sprint than a marathon. They cram a lot of stuff at you in 8 weeks
Right now I still have v ball Tuesday's. Which I look forward to. Started doing yoga in the evenings. I am looking for furniture that I can restore and use. Have a couple pieces that will take up some time. And the gym opens in a week so that will be another thing.
I have some emails out to different workshops to see when they start up so I can get my hands into some new hobbies. Like woodworking or anything else that makes me stop and look. Always on the look out for new things to try.
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
I can't avoid it tho as she always opens with a question about the boys. How hard would it have been for her to look in the bags when she got home last night or before she dropped them off at day care today? Why didn't she take things like an eye prescription with her? FYI she broke her glasses 2nd day in her new job. Part of me wants her to talk to me sometimes but a growing part wants a day. For myself. No stress from her. No bs.
You don't get it, guy. She just uses the kids as her excuse to contact you. It may be legit, or it may be her wanting to irritate, however, it is not uncommon for a WW to do what yours is doing. They usually want to keep up with whatever the LBH is doing. Your WW found out what you were doing b/c you told her you were studying for a test. So, she felt okay that you were being a good boy, staying home and studying, instead of being out having fun without her. More importantly, you weren't having fun with a she-person.
If you really want her to stop it, then tell her you want all contact to strictly be kid related (which, she usually finds some way to make it kid related).
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
