2016 a New Year - getting out of my own fog

[mleigh4]

Irish, you did great. I am sure that was not easy for you. Sounds like reality is starting to hit la la land. Hopefully she will process today. I am going to take a wild guess that the lawyer threat is just that, a threat.

I am glad you are past that. Hope you have a good night.

[bttrfly]

Hi Irish,
Nice truth darts. Truth stings, doesn't it? Oh well. As others have said, you did well. I'm a bit surprised that they didn't put one of you in a conference room. I'm trying to remember if we were ever left together for any length of time before sessions started. As for your bride, she staged that entire thing from beginning to end. Oh the drama in that threat. How is she planning to pay for this lawyer? What she's essentially saying is she wants a contested divorce? So in my state lawyers charge hefty retainers for contested divorces. My understanding is she has $ issues? You see where I'm going with this.

Just keep breathing and living your life. What are you going to do with the girls at the Winter Festival (besides ziplining, etc)?

xoxoxo

[BrightFuture]

Irish, all I can say is that you did great! She is a mess… She doesn’t want to hear the truth about what she did to the girls. It all sounded like a temper tantrum, coming from a person who is still mostly concerned about how she feels, and not about other people’s feelings. This it tough, Irish. All you can do now is be strong for your Ds. They are so lucky to have you. Sending my support and some positive vibes your way!

[mirage]

Bright,

It's interesting you say it's about how she feels.

Their was a saying I read not to long ago and it goes something like this.

"to live life how you feel, life is a tragedy, to live life how you think, life is a comedy.

I've seen this with MLC'ers over and over again, here especially.

Mirage

[Irish M]

Hi , once again thanks for the support and encouragement.

I keep thinking about the mediation. I know its pointless to do so. I can only learn from it but whats done is done. What's said is said.

Cali and Job - Yes I didn't even make it past the receptionist desk. The mediator seemed as surprised as myself. Of course I expect an invoice for her lost time.

Peace - I'm not sure she will be quiet. Its her birthday next week. I'm sure that she will reach out to the D's asking to seem them because of her entitlement. She missed both of their birthdays and I know the answer that they will give her. It's all in their hands. My birth-date a week before BD1. She wrote the nicest message to me on Facebook. My mom still talks about it. She also gave me the best birthday celebration I have ever had from her. It was magic. No, I won't be wishing her happy birthday.

Mleigh - Not sure if reality is anywhere in W's lalaland. The truth was too hard to handle so she ran from it. Not sure what she took in. Probably all erased by now. Who knows.

Bttrfly - Truth darts, I didn't even realize I was doing that. It all flowed so natural and I stuck to the facts. What she believes or says she doesn't believe I know my girls don't lie. I spoke to her as if she was a stranger attacking my D's integrity. My D's are not going to be trampled on with her crap.

They did offer us separate rooms. W said no point.

The winter festival is on for 2 weeks and they overlap 2 other festivals in towns 2 hours away. So we usually get to do them all. There's zip lining , tubing, skating, igloos, BBQ, dog sled and horse sled rides. Best of all fried dough dipped in cinnamon sugar. Best of all is the sugar toffee on snow. Everyone please say YUM.

Bright - W is a Mess or is this the new her. Yes she is narcissistic and no empathy. In W, I saw a person that i don't want to be friends with, date or take back. It's so easy to detach when they are like this. How she slammed our D's as liars. I am so disgusted by what she said and how she acted.

Don't get me wrong, I know this is MLC, spew, irrational crazy talk of a mind that is non functional in a normal way. Time will tell how she bakes.

Mirage - I've seen it all about how they feel as well all over this MLC, WAW, WW and whatever else kinda crazy this is. They must go to the same spaceship to get programmed. Too many similarities.


Hope everyone had a great weekend. Luv you all

Irish

[inpain]

Irish, well done for not letting W's tantrum phase you in sticking to what you know to be truthful and right for your daughters! As others have said, the truth isn't something they like to hear. They like to think that everyone is going to be happy with their new choice of life for us all and that they're not really hurting anybody. We'll all get over it, is what they think.

I'm sorry you didn't get to actually have the meeting, although it sounds like it would have been pointless anyway, given Ws attitude towards everything at the moment. You are so noble to be able to see that this is MLC, spew and irrational crazy talk. Your W is so lucky to have you, if only she realised! I hope she does soon.

Hugs IP

[Irish M]

Hi Inpain

Thanks for dropping in.

I was very lucky to have her as my W and best friend.
I believe we were connected and our girls were an extension of that bond

this W is not who I married or dated.

Do I feel sorry for her . Not any more.

She will have to go throuh this alone. Sadly I can't help her and hold her and tell her it's ok. We will get through this.

So my reflection I made on myself says I need work too.

I am so much more aware of her needs.

I always planned vacations , schools , purchases and finances. My hobbies and activities became hers.

This is wrong . Yes we discussed things and decided together but I always initiated it.

I can't recall ever asking W what she dreamt of doing. I'd go kayaking , she'd join me. I love photography, she'd jon me. Hikes , she'd join me.

What did W initiate . Nothing . What did I ask her to initiate . Nothing . This was wrong.

If W comes back I want to do her activities and dreams . Still share mine but let her take me on an adventure. I'll follow for a change.

If it's not with W. It will be with someone else. I will be a better partner because of this. We are all on a journey of change. Don't fight it

Irish

[job]

Irish,
An excellent posting. If she returns and you want her back, the marriage will be a brand new one and things will have to be different and remain that way. You can't go back to the old marriage because it has died. Both of you have been on a journey and each of you will have changed quite a bit when you reach the end of the path. Let's hope that she'll be a more mature woman who will come to realize what she's lost and now she has to work very hard to get back.

You, my friend, are doing exceptionally well. Keep up the good work!

[Irish M]

hi job , thanks for the words of encouragement. I so appreciate them :-) I hope W does her part also of her journey. If she doesn't then I have nothing else to lose with W and so much to gain in life.

D's got home from school today. It seems a classmate ( i'll call Susan)started telling the D's a discussion that her mom and their mom had.

Susan's mom was talking to W. It seems that W was upset and crying about a conversation the D's had with her. Susan told them that W told her mom that the D's were hanging up on W every time she called. That this week they had a conversation and the D's got mad at her and did not respect her. That W calls the house and I don't answer. This is supposed to of happened this week ?!?! funny thing is W only has my cell number. My house number is private and she does not have it.

My D's were so upset about this story. All untrue of course. The last time they spoke to W was a week before Xmas. I had forced them to call her. W went on about so much and full of denial the D's gave up.

D's said that W was still making up stories to make everyone have pity on her. Funny thing is she is approaching people W did not like at all. She never liked Susan's mom or father. Now she uses her for support.

The D's wanted me to write to W telling her to stop making up stories. I told my D's that I won't write her. It's up to them to express their feeling to their mom. So they did.

It's been a few hours. no reply. What is she trying to gain.. support? I'm sure she doesn't tell her friends and support group that she abandoned the D's and its been 7 months since she physically saw them.

Just so frustrating... how she can still twist the truth. Maybe in her mind that call before Xmas happened only last week. Maybe she thought she called and she hung up before it rang.. i don't know. the D's don't need this kind of chatter W is making up.

I messaged Susan, i politely asked her to not share any future discussions she has with W with her daughter. I didn't try to explain my side or the D's, no point. I simply said that the D's don't need this kind of information that their mother is saying.

Susan's mom replied that she understands and said she will not share anymore. I left it at that.

Weekend coming up... a trip to see W's dad. He promised he won't mention W at all to the D's since the last time it upset them so much. Seeing FIL so hurt for what W did me, them and FIL. He is reliving what his XW did to him and it can't be easy for him to witness his own D going through it. The pain in his eyes the last time we visited was unbearable.

Just more of the damage that is MLC

hope everyone is well.

luv Irish

[mirage]

Irish,

I understand deep down somewhere in your thoughts you try to figure this out. Guess what?.....you won't.

My EXW exactly the same. Lies untop of lies on top of deception. She left our kids(then, adults mostly now) but would spin her story to any one who would listen. My daughter especially would ask why she lies so much.

There is no answer to that. They just do and that's the way it is.

Just keep moving forward. Life on the other side of this once you make that choice 100% to move on with your life makes all the difference.

I at one time would have taken my EXW back. That is not the case today. I have a wonderful life. Great relationships with our kids(adult) and I am a whole lot wiser in setting boundaries in life which allows me to live a more mature, wisdom filled life and I think it makes a huge difference. I would describe it as "living free within yourself". Kinda weird but kinda not.

I respect the way you carry yourself but deep down I think you already know that about yourself.

Mirage