I did it! Got a new car! Job, your opinion was among a few others (my sister’s and her H specifically) that influenced my decision. I have a brand new car! Yes, with that new car smell!!! I drove it to work and back today and I love it!!!! I’m still a bit shaken from realizing that I have a car loan now… I did own my old car for 11 years after paying the loan on it. I’m so used to not having the car payments that this is going to be a bit of a shock, even though I put a significant down payment... BUT…. It is fun to drive! And I’m going to enjoy it!
The odd part was when they asked me about the insurance… and discovered that I have H’s car on it, which is a Toyota… And they gave me $1000 in rebates, because I had a Toyota in the “household”! Can you believe this! I got a discount because I still had H’s car on the same insurance policy! I guess my intuition was/is steering me on the right path, LOL!
I’m driving my old car to the vacation home tomorrow though. I have a fast access pass on it and the Mexican insurance. I hope it can still make this last trip… The good thing is that I know that if something happens with the old car, I have a new one waiting for me at home!
I’ve been in a sort of a fog for the last few days… I still cannot believe that I bought a new car… And… I’m worried that it could close the R door for H… He would be to intimidated… But… I don’t know if I care anymore…
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I love this! What an exciting, independent, empowering thing that you did! I can feel your excitement bubbling up through the computer screen...its very contagious. Very happy for you!
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
Congratulations on purchasing the new car! You will love it and that new car smell...it's wonderful...isn't it? It was time to get a new one and let's face it, your old car didn't owe you a penny. BTW, what are you going to do w/the old car? Sell it? Keep it as a spare?
I like the idea of getting rebates and that's great! Please be careful driving to the vacation place. I wouldn't worry about what your h thinks about the new car. The only person that you have to worry about is yourself and you know what? I would be smiling each and every time I got in it.
Have fun!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Good for you with the car Bright. I've followed your lead and I pick up my new car next week! I decided ages ago exactly what I want and I'm really looking forward to it. It's a divorce present to me.
Enjoy your trip xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Wow, Bright. I don't think I could buy a car on my own! I'm so impressed. Congrats.
You and I have been at this a long time under similar circumstances. I totally get it when you say you don't know if you care anymore what H thinks or how he feels about something you said or did because I sometimes feel that way as well.
I hope your weekend is heavenly!
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
Sotto, I’m so happy that you have decided on the new car. It will be a great D present, for sure!
Job, I am smiling every time I get in my new car! I’m still not decided what I want to do with my old car. My mutual friend at the vacation home wanted to buy it 2 years, when I first mentioned that I wanted a new car. I will ask him if he still wants it. On the other hand, this car made it to the vacation home just fine. It doesn’t have much value, maybe about 1500 at the most, insurance on it cheap, Mexico insurance is also cheap. So, I don’t really know… I am just afraid that if something breaks, it will cost a lot of money (like transmission), and I don’t want to put any more money into that car. I will see.
Some updates. I drove to the vacation home last night. I was a bit nervous about how I would take the changes and redecorating that H did at the condo. So, when I came in, first things I saw were the window coverings. He also painted a couple of walls in a different color (accent walls) and around the fire place to match with other colors. I actually like it. This is something that goes along with my taste. The window curtains are nice. The only thing I would do different is the curtains on the three top small windows. They look a bit too busy. H also put the mirror on one of the walls in the living room. Yes, that mirror he had in his car when he “wanted” to pick up the storage chest from my house, and it didn’t fit in the car, LOL.
There are no changes in the bedrooms. All my stuff is still in place, not a single thing got moved.
A couple of “strange” things… There are lots of scented candles in different shapes and containers. Probably the influence of that crazy woman, his friend. I’m not even sure if H can actually smell anything. He had this issue for a long time. He lost his sense of smell because of his allergies and polyps. He regained the sense of smell after his first surgery for polyp’s removal. He had the second surgery a year after the BD, so I don’t know what the result of it was.
Another thing is, he removed all the personal pictures from the living room. That includes a couple of my and my sons pictures, but also all his pictures. He moved them to the spare bedroom. I don’t know, maybe he is planning to rent the condo when he is not here. I haven’t heard anything like that yet.
And… he covered two small windows that are above the stairway to the second floor with some colored paper. These window are way high, and facing the roof top of the neighbor’s condo. There is no privacy concern. Maybe he did it, so they would not show all the dirt that accumulated on the outside of them. Also, the curtains on the top small windows in the living room are not necessary for privacy concerns. I don’t think there is much view of anything from outside. It kind of gives me an impressing that H is trying to hide from the outside world.
Overall, I was surprised that all these changes actually don’t bother me. I feel very comfortable here. I have a feeling that H actually wants me to stay here. This is very strange.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, You have to remember that the MLCer wants "change". So, what does he do? He starts changing things at the vacation home, i.e., paint, curtains, etc. As for the candles, it could be that the place might get a little bit of a stuffy smell and he wants to give it that "fresh" smell of something new. But, they do tend to do the exact opposite of what we would have expected from the old self.
As for the car, if you are concerned that it will probably cost you a bunch of money later on, I'd seriously think about selling it. I'm sure that there is someone out there that would love to have it and can use their expertise in the auto field to fix it up if something should go wrong.
Enjoy your time away!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I went to my mutual friends’ house last night. My male friend already had too much alcohol by the time I came (way after 9 pm), so he went to bed. I and my GF ate late dinner, sat outside and chatted. I asked her if she knows if the condo/trust issue is getting resolved, as it concerns me, because I realized that it could affect my credit score. (Since H only wants to pay the “old” mortgage amount, and mortgage company already started sending the threatening letters about short payment.) She gave me some info and also told me that all this is very complicated. What H wanted to do in terms of transferring the condo to his name, would cost $15,000 to $20,000. I guess they all found out that it is not that simple (exactly what I was telling them before.)
Then my GF brought a couple of subjects about H… Was totally not prompted by me, LOL. Will not go into much detail, but here is something that made me think… She brought up the subject of her cousin again and how H was giving my GF a hard time that she intervened and didn’t let that relationship to develop. So, H confined into her H… He said that he can see how his interest in my GF’s cousin caused some hurt and hard feelings for my GF. And also, that he only wanted a fling, and not a serious R. And… that he doesn’t see how it would work out for a serious R. REALLY!!! First, he must have a memory loss. He did want a serious R (or at least he thought about it at that time), I have the evidence (a couple of e-mails). Second, I think there is some remorse about that story. H would not talk about anything with his friends unless it would really bother him. So, this “confession” is kind of significant. Maybe he is slowly waking up to see how selfish and hurtful his actions were. Next step would be to actually talk to my GF and apologize to her. And then... could I be next??? Not holding my breath though...
This confirms what my intuition tells me. I think H is starting to see something through his pink colored glasses…
My GF also told me how H always talks about this crazy woman’s family like they are a perfect family that he would always wanted. That the kids are doing great, the parents are having fun, and how kind this crazy woman is to other people, and how great her R with her H is, blah, blah, blah… (Is he having some regrets about not wanting his own kids???)
In comparison… my son is doing great, BTW. Not his biological son, but he raised him. And… I’m having fun and doing things… And… I’m kind and people like me, I have lots of friends now! The only thing that was missing… H’s inability to appreciate all of it and not taking care of his family. Maybe he will learn a thing or two from this crazy woman, LOL.
OK, I’m off to the beach with my dog now. I’m so excited to be here and actually be at ease with myself.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
