Rd moving on 12

[rich4j]

Great posts.

I am a newbie and should be getting my book this week. I came here a bit late and wish I had a while ago. I have a running post on my pain but continue to read up on almost all of these

Different stories and situations but all of us going thru some sort of pain

Hopefully the overused term of time heals the wounds will apply but thanks for the inspiration. I need that today!

[Pink17]

Hi Lovely,

Long time don't write to you. Sorry about that, just have been super busy with life in general.

Hope the kids are doing well. By now, I think they must be getting the reality that it all brought to us all. My kids went through a phase of anger and resentment and they are still processing the whole turmoil inside of them.

I really don't know what it is to feel the abandonment from someone you trust and love when you are the kid. It may hurt even more then for us adults.

So, I feel for your kiddos too. They don't deserve the cruelty and yet they need to just take it as it is imposed on them.

Hope you continues finding some peace inside of you to keep dealing with all what is on your plate right now. I know by experience that there are days I just want to give up. But then, there is that hope that life will be better tomorrow and it will all be just part of my journey.

I have been allowing myself to have some more fun. I guess there is a side of all this that has been productive and I even like the opportunity to share more life with my girlfriends, sometimes meet new people, start looking into the future for myself.

I am still very raw, I still need help and I am getting it. I still need to learn how to deal with the feelings I have inside my heart. But, I feel I am moving forward now, better then many times I was just pretending to move forward but was stuck.

I guess these whole DB thing, MLC stuff... somehow put me in denial. I was not looking into using this to myself, but as a way to bring my XH back, for not understanding the point, I put myself in denial mode.

Now, I know that my XH is not coming back. He made his choices and is living his hell, but in his view he is doing all the right things and is with the love of his life.

It is up to me to stop the denial, face the demons and all the monsters, my fears and rebuild my life. I think I can, I believe that I am getting ready for the next chapter.

I am dropping the rope. I do not have any more energy to spend with my past in the way of hoping for reconciliation. I want to spend some time there just hoping to clean all the anguish feelings that I still have inside of my heart.

Today, I will start a divorce support group and I hope to give myself some closure. And at the end of the meetings in march 2016 I wish that I can come out a new person with a new perspective that I will be able to even face that it is possible to have another romantic relationship with another man.

Something that I can't grasp right now.

Hope you are too getting some help to move on RD, you know how much I admire you and the way you are handling all this mess. I know that life hasn't been easy for you lately, but piece by piece it will all fall into place and we will laugh at ourselves one day.

Maybe when I go to Ireland to visit you and get that ride on a bike. RD, it still makes me smile and it still something that keeps me happy. The love we share for adventure and freedom.

That person was so berried, I did not know I still had her inside of me. But guess what, it is there, dormant giant that is just waking up for life again. I like simple things, I like to pay attention and respect nature, I am pretty raw in my existence, and I am alive.

Sounds familiar? It probably does. You sound like that kind of guy, deals with the practical, take care of the necessary, and then let life be simple and full. Just enjoy breathing, having water to clean your hands, the wind blowing in your face, the sweat dropping from your tired body, the adrenaline from the fear of velocity, walking bare feet on the sand, lay down on the grass in the dark night to just see the stars.

Oh well, you may think I am in a romantic mood today, but it is not. It is the way I see life until my last breath. I am a believer in God, so I do not need much to be happy. In my opinion, happiness is all around us.

One of these days, I hope to hear your voice, maybe now you will start work early morning and I can get you there.

Take good care after yourself and the kiddos,
Love,
Pink

[Vanilla]

Thank you for your kindness on my thread

V

[rd500]

Hi all. Not posting as much now but the struggle continues. I have often told others of Star s and how your looking for the planet not the stars

I hope it's ok and cadet please feel free to remove this post if I'm overstepping my remit

In my sitch, I see plenty of stars I have listed yesterday's just for example

W is quite sick at the moment and she missed work on Sunday which for her is huge On Mondays she collects kids from school and then Works Tuesday

This Sunday she text to say she was very unwell and how she was feeling sorry for herself. I was making the roast so didn't see text until about an hour later

I replied " sorry to hear that , take care of yourself.

On the Monday she text that she was worse so I drove the 40 miles from my office to collect kids and then back to office to collect S20. I got a really nice text about how grateful she was and she was bored in her flat and had gone out for some milk and almost fainted. Tuesday she text to say she was not at work and could I collect kids. I asked how she was and she still said she felt bad so I said I would collect kids. Once again off I trotted , collect D11 and headed home because the other two don't finish until 4 pm. When D11 and I got home W was there , looking like death warmed up and quite emotional. She hadn't seen kids since Sat pm

Here's the list of stars

W told me she was lonely in her flat and just needed to see kids

I made tea and left W and D11 to chat , W followed me in and started showing my pictures of her family from Xmas

I then left to hover the hall ( dogs stay in during day as its too cold ) and W followed me around needing me to turn off hover 2/3 times

I then sat in a different room and W followed me in feeling me about how she hates her work and was feeling really sick. I asked W to put on a coat because she looked frozen. She grab me band a stick it I. The top of her jumper for me to feel how hot he was

I then said I would leave to collect the two older kids and W asked me to check her tyres as she thought they were low and she was too sick to do it. I took the car to my workshop / garage and pumped the tyres

At this point I asked D11 to open the gates so I could drive out and I asked D11 to shut them after me as I would drop the other two and head back to work

D11 was outside and I was at front door and W started telling me she was fed up and upset a lot of the time. She said she didn't want to go to work anymore. I answered that you gave up the STAHM gig and we both laughed but W tear red up and had to look away. She carried on talking and in the end I called D11 back in. I finally got away and W geared up again

My point in all the above is you can read what you want into it

Is W regretting her choices

Is W down because of sickness

Is W playing me for some motive yet to be revealed ????

Any newbie reading this please take from it that unless your WAS is deviod of all emotion then of course they will give mixed signals ( stars ) and you trying to analyse them will not reduce your pain one bit

Focus on you , leave WAS to their own choices. Stars can be seen when they are there and when you think they are there If the WAS wants to come home they will let you know and he only way you want them back is if they commit 110% to the M.

We all deserve someone that loves us because of love , not money or a home or even for the kids They have to want us

Again , I hope I haven't over stepped any lines but when I see people grasping at straws in a vain hope then it upsets me

You have a life , you don't need someone to complete you... You need someone to love you , cherish you and respect you for who you are

Sermon over

Take care all. Rd

[Fogg]

Don't think that's stepping over any lines at all rd. That was well written and important for everyone to understand. Some of us analyze those stars way too much because we feel like our W, and only our W, complete us. It's just another reason some of us are here, so we can find ourselves.

[PigPen]

Great post Rd, still so much wisdom in both your words and your actions. You're right, you could be all worked up into a frenzy right now at the "change in your sitch" but you know there is no real change yet. There might be the seeds of change, but no moons.

I appreciate you putting all of that out there, it's also evident from your writing how painful this all for you still. I'm sorry for your pain and can see that you're constantly and consistently rising above it for the sake of your kids and your own sanity, but that doesn't mean the pain is not still there.

This was a blessed reminder to see what is really there and not project what is not. Powerful post Rd, stay the course my friend. It does feel like your W is having to lie in the bed she made for herself and is not happy there, but she's yet to leave the bed and make the commitment to start walking towards yours.

Sending you strength my friend, your wisdom on this board is ever so appreciated.

PP

[Huddy]

Sadly, she still hasn't said that her actions are the cause of all this grief. Maybe she wants you to take her back, but I get the fact that you can't accept that right now and you have a high bar on your beliefs about the need for her to repent before you'd even consider it. It must be difficult to watch, but you have standards, and on that, there can be no going back.

[Sotto]

Hi RD, yes I think that is a useful reminder of how much time we can spend analysing every little interaction with our WAS for hope of this or that. But, the fact remains, it would take a big shift to change our current course and in your sitch as in many of ours that hasn't happened yet. I agree with others - your W does seem very low in so many aspects of her life - and yet seems unable to do anything useful about it.

As you say, this week things may have been magnified by her feeling unwell. But, from your side RD, you seem very steady and have it all together - that's important, whatever your W may be doing. Did you think some more about your house plans? At one stage, you were talking about a possible move??

Take care xx

[rd500]

Hi all. Looking at a property not far from work but unsure of moving right now

Huddy. W still denies OM to her family , I don't ever ask. W has apologised for all she did and has said she never meant a word she said to me at BD. she also said she can't believe how she acted and generally seems to have accepted that she was / is lost. I don't believe she's happy ( much like your own W ) but they have to choose to want to return to a new M. Yesterday and all the stars , I did get a feeling that she was regretful BUT stars and all that !!!

Thanks to all for comments and posts. Take care. Rd

[Vanilla]

RD

My sweet lovely daft RD, in many wayes you can be stubborn.

It is time to show a little compassion to WW, I get that WW hasn't begged to come home, I can see she is ill, troubled and struggling.

If you let go then I think you will be able to offer compassion. I do not mean WW moves back home, nor do I mean you repair your M without WW doing all of those things including wanting RD.

I am talking about forgiveness, if you can.

V