I don't know how to act to regain her respect. I can only think to treat her as one of my employees as I am very respected at work and in work circles.
me45,W43 S9,S5 T15yrs M10yrs BD 4/07/15 W wants D 4/07/15 W filed 8/05/15 D petition arrived 21/12/15 Merry xmas, W,S5 S9 moved out 5/2/16
I don't know how to act to regain her respect. I can only think to treat her as one of my employees as I am very respected at work and in work circles.
DB'ing is counter intuitive. Regain her respect by Letting GO, and living your life as the best YOU can be.
Have you read the link on detaching, and the one on boundaries? About the only option you have is to set personal boundaries that have consequential results to anyone who disrespect you. Your employees would probably have some consequences if they treated you badly, didn't do their job, came in to work late, was rude, etc., etc.
In an employer to employee relationship, the employees have more of an ultimatum. Do things the boss's way or get fired. As the boss, you have a certain amount of control over what the employees do & don't do.
Having boundaries, however, means protecting your feelings from the mistreatment, abuse, or disrespect from your WW. If the WW dishonors your boundary, then you respond with something that has consequences for her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
My 9 year old son tells me this morning during cuddles in bed that they are moving to mummy's new house on Feb 5th. My heart has broken again. The pain is so intense it is making me sick. I have no one to talk to. I don't know what to do
me45,W43 S9,S5 T15yrs M10yrs BD 4/07/15 W wants D 4/07/15 W filed 8/05/15 D petition arrived 21/12/15 Merry xmas, W,S5 S9 moved out 5/2/16
Keefa, Sandi is giving you the best advice. Call a lawyer, fight for custody, ignore the disrespect, fake that you are ok and post as much as you need to. You will get good advice here. I know the pain that you are feeling, but you WILL get through this. Just take it one day at a time.
Hi keefa. Just caught up on your sitch. Read and re read sandi's rules. Read and re read. Then read again Sandi's post on LBH and WaW. It took me some time and a lot of effort to realize my words will not change anything. actions will. I am still working on it too. Will be for a long time. Try and remember she has chosen to take this journey. If you were the one that chose to leave would her saying please don't go change your mind? This is your chance to become the best keefa there is! I am sorry she is being nasty and childish about things. A breaking point for me was when I was so angry I was ready to toss all her crap out and kick the doors. Saying you chose this. After praying for understanding and oatience I realized I am choosing to be angry at her actions and I don't like it as it effects my attitude with kids and my focus on GAL. So I am learning to shake it off. I still get mad at times. That's when you out the focus back on you
The person that you will spend the most time with in your life is yourself, so make yourself as interesting as possible.
Thanks everyone. The weekend was mixed really. Saturday I spend a bit of time with my boys, doing homework. usually do housework but it felt like I was clearing up after her so I didn't bother. I did my washing and mine and the boys ironing, took my dog for a lovely long walk. In the evening ( it was cold, frosty and very still) me and the boys walked over the fields and launched a Chinese lantern. Sunday we had lie ins watching Simpsons in bed with me, tickle competitions then we went down to Portsmouth for the day, Science museum, bought a new rugby ball and scooter, played walking on the pavement lines, had tea then drove home. Did showers and the boys were hyper. They were in bed by 8, I was in bed shortly after 8pm. My eldest came in 20 minutes later with a drawing showing a happy face over our family home and a sad face over her new home' It made me cry though I didn't let him see. My anger and contempt is unpalatable and I struggle to be in the same room as her. My love for my boys and the feeling of their love for me is my single constant. I keep reading Sandi's rules and I think they are starting to sink in. Christ it is hard to do anything. I am not a hateful person and never bore a grudge on anyone. I am the type that stops to help broken down cars or put up a shelve for a neighbour. I don't want to be who she is turning me into but everything is a fight. I can't even trust her not to take pictures the boys drew for me.
me45,W43 S9,S5 T15yrs M10yrs BD 4/07/15 W wants D 4/07/15 W filed 8/05/15 D petition arrived 21/12/15 Merry xmas, W,S5 S9 moved out 5/2/16
I hope I am not running it into the ground by saying how this seems to be very common in LBH'S. He is a nice guy, maybe speaks softly, undemanding, easy-going, and very forgiving. People may say he doesn't have an enemy in the world, and he never makes waves. He pretty much gives his W whatever she wants and he can get it or do it for her. He leaves most decisions to her, or else they make it together, b/c he sees it as making her happy. When she's in a bad mood or gets too b'tchy, he just ignores it, b/c he figures it will keep the peace.
Maybe some of this describes you, or maybe not. What gives it away, to me, is that I sense your dread in doing some action that shows her where you stand as a man. You had much rather discuss things and work it out through talks. Am I getting close to describing you?
The problem with a WW is that she sees all of those qualities as being soft, and she has seen how she can bully you. B/c you have allowed her to treat you badly, she's lost respect for you and no longer appreciates these nice-guy traits.
I am M to the sweetest, nicest guy on earth. You could ask anyone in town and they would tell you he is such a niceguy. I fell for him when I was very young and we M young. I was not mature enough and not prepared to deal with his passivity. My dad was the strong leader in my family, and so I didn't know what to think when I saw my H not making decisions, allowing his mother to rule our lives, and not defending me. I would chew him out, and he wouldn't stand up to me, either. The resentment grew and grew and the disrespect began to mount. I tried to talk it out. I tried to tell him what I needed. I tried everything I could think of or read about. Nothing seemed to work. Then, after years of much emotional stress and depression, my guard let down and someone said something that made me feel more alive than I had felt in ages. I began an A.
The WW will not hear you talk. She only sees what you do. In many ways, it is a battle of who is the strongest. She sees you as a whimp. She doesn't want a whimp for a H. Although, most WW's affair down, it only shows her misplaced judgement and lack of logic. Regardless of how sorry the OM may be, she only sees her H lacking the ability to stand up to her and show her he will not take her cr@p. Invariably, it's when he gets enough and starts to dump her, that she starts to see the man she wanted. Sad, that it takes him losing the M to finally hold his own with her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Everything seems to be solicitor this and solicitor that. My solicitor is a wise head it seems and a solid voice of reason. She has already got the D petition and I am thinking this is no longer a Divorce busting sitch, just self preservation. What makes me feel so ill inside is that twice in the last 7 months I felt we were so so close to reconciliation, the first was dashed the very same day when I found naked photo's of OM and her on the phone she was using (was a phone in my name and one she'd asked me to cancel as she had got her own sorted so I wasn't exactly snooping. more curious and wanted the phone factory reset to give to my eldest to use. Good job I didn't. The second was at Christmas, we had a great few days, several cuddles and she even said that she missed my cuddles so much. Then on new years day I found out she had been lying about moving out and we spiralled downwards again. We don't talk, hardly acknowledge each other and I am struggling on how to validate anything when she won't communicate. She refused all counselling. How do I not take her crap ? just by not rising to it? Do I remain projectedly cheerful ?
me45,W43 S9,S5 T15yrs M10yrs BD 4/07/15 W wants D 4/07/15 W filed 8/05/15 D petition arrived 21/12/15 Merry xmas, W,S5 S9 moved out 5/2/16
