My W and I have been on shaky ground for a year. During this time she has wanted to have our family move back to her home town which is a big city with life and in another country next door. Logically I have been trying to get a transfer yet she kept changing the plan and did not believe I would ever get the transfer. She made plans to move her and our 5 adopted boys ages 7, 6, 5, 4, and 2 without me. She has asked me to do many simple things to change which I have not. I have also been working a lot in order to save to get her home. At the end of November we had confrontation and she left me and the boys. One week later I filed for divorce fearing I would never see my boys. I want to reconcile but she is stating there is no turning back. I am in the process of reading DB and DR to turn things around and am already seeing the aftermath of the two of us affect our sons.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Yes this is the same thread - The linking part comes after you get to 100 posts. Sorry for the confusion - Cadet
Last edited by Cadet; 01/08/1604:57 PM.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
So she has been trying to move with the boys without you, but after the confrontation in November she left without the boys? Where is she now?
What simple things is she asking you to change?
Even though you have already filed for divorce, there is much that can be done.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Yes, her plan was to move with the boys without me. Yes she left without the boys and gave no indication of coming back so one week later I filed for divorce based on our lack of understanding/communication. She lives with her parents.
Work less overtime. Schedule more family time. Call my boys when I work late. Quit smoking.
Lots of things to accomplish and she is just tired of my excuses because I have been assigned to a big project that took a lot of my time this past year. In my mind I was trying to make as much money as possible to move our family back to her hometown because the cost of living is higher there.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
So today is W birthday. She shares the same birthday as one of my sons. I sent her flowers and she just called and thanked me. She thought the flowers were from her mother and was surprised to get them. She said she knows it is from the boys but she wanted to call an thank me. I told her your welcome every time she thanked me and I was upbeat and said goodbye to her before she did. I did not wish her a happy birthday though. Was not sure if I should.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
There are no right or wrong answers about this, sending the flowers is pursuit, IMHO.
Nice to do from your children.
But understand that no one thing that you DO is going to flip a switch and change things.
How are you doing reading the homework?
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
I have read the DR book. I never contact her , except for one occasion to talk about our oldest who is having trouble with this D that is in process. I am upbeat and cheerful when we talk. Her first visit with the boys is next weekend. She is coming down to pick them up and then I have to meet her half way to get the boys based on our parenting plan agreement. Should I offer to take them to her or make her do the work? My offer would give her a sign of the man she originally married who was chivalrous. The posts say distance yourself and GAL, my life is taking care of my kids. I plan to go out with friends when she has them but am not sure if I should propose to bring them to her.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
