Peace, Happiness and a New Year

[job]

You are doing well and you will continue to "process" thoughts and ideas as to the future as you walk your path. You are going to discover that you are a far stronger, confident, compassionate and wiser woman than you ever thought you would be. You are going to also discover that you have far more patience than you ever thought you would have.

I'm glad you found the knife before someone got hurt. It could have been you if you had picked up the wrapping paper off the floor. I'm glad you discovered it before anyone got hurt.

The past is gone, live in the present as it is a gift and allow the future to unfold. Don't rush the future because it needs to unfold slowly in order for you to see what it holds for you.

I hope that you and your son have a great first day back at work and school. The furry family members will miss both of you today.

[mleigh4]

we are going to miss our fur babies too! Boy was it hard to get up this morning!

I hear you Job, and all the others. I have taken it slow and will continue to. There is nothing to rush, other than getting on with my life! But, I think I have done a good job of living and laughing among the MLC debris and will keep doing so.

H TM last night about 4 asking to go look at stoves. But S and I had declared an official jammy day! So I told H that along with the fact that I had just started a fire, was about to make dinner, and still had homework to help S teacher correct for school.

We have rain forecast all week and I love it! Have a good week all

[CaliGuy]

M

Yeah I think after we all get over that initial shock from the BD, we focus on DBing our tails off.... In my case I started seeing the results of the changes I made, hit a point where I was really good with where I was and accepted W was in her own path and in a way relieved it no longer included me because it was just hell... One does tire of limbo and the uncertainty and it's easy to cast the blame the MLCrs direction but it's actually us who holds the key to all this... In my case I didn't see anything changing for me divorced or not ... I accepted it and figured when I was ready to move on with my life with someone else I would file when and if that happened.... Was a very liberating feeling when I just accepted I was the captain of my ship, not W nor her fog-crazed crisis

As far as my hood... Lol I was almost raped by those lorikeets ... Careful there. But yeah Balboa is always cool, they have several exhibits and if you do go there take your S to the Air and Space museum, boys dig that stuff. Another thing S and I do once a year is kayaking in LaJolla ... You can get a tour deal and it's a blast for a couple hours. If you do hit the Wild Animal park... That's an entire day and depending on the time of year you can actually camp in the park over in the safari area ... I'm an annual member for the Wild animal park and the zoo.... And there is always SeaWorld. Often times I'll just grab the baseballs and mitts and S and I will hit the beach and play catch , I'll have him build sand castles while I ponder my life and relax.... So yeah TONS to do here

[mleigh4]

Hi Cali. Love the lorakeet story! I know those little guys can be quite aggressive.

So, the way you explained life not changing much whether you D or not, and waiting for a reason to take that step...that is 100% how I got through this last summer and fall. I knew I wasn't looking to date and honestly this situation is in my financial favor..I think..so I figured, why rock the boat? I was totally content with that.

Going into a new year and this last meltdown I had after our "fake family time" Christmas has pushed me further into an emotional disconnect. I am not feeling so content with that thought process lately....

Say a handsome nice man came into my life and asked me out....what would I say? I am separated? For 2 1/2 years? Personally, I would see red flags all over that! Lol. There is something not right about that. If you were truly done, D would not be on the back burner. I also would not want a man who would date a married woman. Say I did and we fell in love, I would not want someone to go through my divorce with me....so for me that thought process is now out. I can't move forward with that baggage, it just doesn't feel right to me.

With that being said, I feel a tugging in me, to put this to rest, but will not do so without doing a serious catch up with H, and being 10,000 % sure.

I am rereading over and over all of your posts the last few days, so thank you again, so much, for your support and your push to keep going. I appreciate your concern for me and my family more than I can say. I feel I am getting closer to a personal crossroad. My eyes and ears are wide open, I am going to keep calm and quiet, hopefully I will get some kind of sign....

[HaWho]

Hi Mleigh - it is so helpful to read about your processing. Your clarity, patience and evaluation are really admirable. You really are a strong gal.

Regarding SoCal, don't mean to push you even further south, but Aquatica has great water slides if you catch warm weather that week. It's a fun place! If you like smaller amusement parks Belmont Park is a nice one without crazy rollercoasters. It's practically across the street from SeaWorld.

[CaliGuy]

M I totally get it. I laugh a bit... Hey if you can't laugh at this sometimes you will most likely just go nuts... At the 'meeting a person whom is interested' scenario and I've thought about my approach and concluded making up a story about w being A secret spy, getting caught and was brainwashed by Korean operatives is actually more reasonable than the truth of all that has happened. I mean how can you even explain it? What we've been through or put up with. I had a thought this morning as w and I have this distance between us lately ( I think it's back to the seperate sleeping arrangements due to us both being sick) ... Anyways it hit me, if this M fails I know I've do a all I can, and it will fail not because of what w has done, but what she failed to do as it seems she has gone back into the tunnel a bit, not all crazy OM/A ... But seems just havin me there made her feel safe and in a sense stopped her from doing the work, like you I'm growing weary and at a point I deserve better, and I want to move on with my life as its been to long.

I don't think there is anything wrong with these thoughts, we've become stronger and demand more than what we were dealt, especially now ... What's the worst that can happen ya know? We've already lived through the worst of it. I've been guilty of hanging deadlines on this type of stuff, now I am just doing my thing and really thinking about MY life .... With or without w remains to be determined, I'm trying to remain patient and open minded but yeah ... Something is going to have to start moving in my favor... Probably where you are at too.

So we keep pushing, keep growing and developing, if they can catch up we would welcome that but it seems that no longer defines who we are. My thoughts, do not get wrapped up in the new year trap, continue to be the amazing you that you are and things will fall as they will... Out of your control... I know for a fact I'm where I am supposed to be... Lyrics to a song ring in my head " I know you didn't bring me out here to drown"

[Sotto]

Hi MLeigh, my sitch is a bit different as H decided to file and so I haven't had to make that choice. I read a post by Zues in Newcomers recently about dating after marital break up. He mentioned the advice not to date until you have been D'd a year. I find that helpful for my sitch as it looks as though our D may be finalised this spring - 2 years after we S.

I've resolved not to date during 2016....and then 2017 - well, we'll see. That feels about right for me. It would mean I have given 3 years post BD for there to be some sort of significant movement - and also some time post D for healing.

Of course, who knows how my sitch may turn out ultimately - but the above feels about right for me just now. In a way I'm glad my H chose to file as I didn't have to make that choice. But if you sit with things for a while, I'm sure you'll know what feels right when the time is right.

ps: are you learning some cool moves on your scooter?? That's what all the cool kids do

[mleigh4]

Hi Hawho, we went to aquatica on our last pre BD family trip. H was mad because S would not try the water slides, it did not go well S is very cautious and low key. Thank you for the kind words

Cali, I knew you would get it. We can't do limbo forever, right? So yes, I am getting to a point where the realization is, no matter how much I live and have fun, H and limbo land is ultimately holding me back from fully healing as the pain continues to come....if he doesn't make a move soon, I will have to.

Sotto, I agree. Dating would not feel right for me unless I was divorced and emotionally ready. No, I have not ridden the scooter! It is sitting in the backyard unused....go figure.

On a different topic, wondering if this is one of those STFU moments? S has to do a book report this month on a person, he picked President Obama. H is up in arms, says we should encourage him to pick someone else because he feels he is a bad president, worried he will get picked on....lol...I just have to laugh. I think S should pick whoever he wants. So, I did not answer about that in my TM. If H is against it, HE can talk to S.....at least he didn't pick Justin Bieber! Lol

So, should I just joke back about it? Stay silent? Or tell him S can pick whoever he wants!? My parenting is a very touchy thing with H, it could blow up if I express I don't agree with him....but seriously!!??

[HaWho]

Mleigh - First, I am VERY impressed your h is even aware of who is president; that fog can be vicious!

In a non MLC world, I would joke, as it is my nature. I would probably tell h he was free to write a competing book report. Ha ha. However, I have tried humor with my h and it caused him to monster terribly! I have found it is very true, MLCers have no sense of humor. Just MHO.

So personally, I would stay silent just a bit and see if your h calms down about it? Maybe he will forget all about it; my h would!! Or maybe your s will change his mind all on his own? Things can change still. But, the reality is, your h may very well sway your son all on his own!

In a lot of these scenarios, I encourage my kids to do it their way and tell them it is okay to disagree with people. Eventually it will have to be something they work out on their own. Your son may learn this and kind of avoid telling your h those topics on which they do not agree. Both my kids have learned this as h is often the very opinionated 15 year old. These days I would not suggest much to my h as he can be a punk teenager but your h seems kinder.

[mleigh4]

Lol Hawho, good point about H even knowing who our current president is! Ya, I am just going to stay quiet. I asked S what made him pick that....he said they were at library, had to pick a book for report, ran out of time so grabbed that one.

I like this staying quiet thing! It has taken me so long to get this! Initially, I had typed...are you serious? For once, I caught myself and cancelled.

We are talking about a 3rd grade paragraph book report here