Thanks for all your advice. I think with S away I'm a little scared of facing a long holiday weekend alone. I've got four days by myself which I've not faced in years. A couple of friends are away, my family are in another country. Closest and most supportive in laws are also not getting to be here. Crazy but I think that's why I was thinking of settling for second best and be W's BFF! I have the best intentions of trying to use the time for sorting out the house, box away the few things W has left etc. Maybe think over future financial arrangements(although it doesn't worry me so much, want to avoid finality for now), prepare a few meals for S, do some running etc. I was even thinking of going out for a drink in the evenings but I don't know why, after all I'm not looking for any sort of R at the moment and I've no idea what to do in a bar by myself watching groups and couples having fun.I miss my wife's female company and walking round shops seeing places we used to go kills me. Looking at couples in the streets and bars makes me want to go home but I can't spend four days shut away. I've signed for a guided walk around the town one day. I was thinking of texting friends who I liked but W fell out with but it has been a while and it might look a bit desperate . Want to GAL but this next days will be tough.
Hopefully someone can give you some more over reaching advice.
The guided walk sounds amazing. Are you looking for some more GAL ideas?
If you are, what do you like doing? I fancy a trip to the cinema. Yeah, I used to go with my H, but actually I like going by myself too. I've not done that for years.
What about visiting some new places? Somewhere that you might have an interested in?
What about going to hear some live music one afternoon/evening?
Or learning something totally new? I'm thinking of learning sign language. I've discovered we can learn it *for free* at through our work.
Thanks Focus. I'm trying to summon up the enthusiasm to do things by myself. It is just a big change in lifestyle. I've done some things but she is still in my head at all hours. I have signed up for a couple of nights cookery classes nearer to Christmas, I know of an informal running group which I might try. I've posted before on your thread, keep strong.
Thank you Scrant. The change in lifestyle is huge, isn't it?
Funnily enough, I was thinking of learning some cookery skills too. I'd love to learn how to make sushi, so I think I might try that. There will surely be loads of tutorials on YouTube for that.
I want to get to the gym as well, and maybe take some dance classes. December is uper busy for me with my part time job, so this is for January.
I think we're probably about the same place in dealing with things? My H left on 11 October.
Yes. She left on the 16th October after telling me a week before. Friends are impressed with how far I've come in coping but it doesn't feel easy. It's good to have the forum to vent on. Who knows what the future will bring? Trying to follow my own advice and listen to the wise words here. Sotto thanks for your advice today. I'm going keep contact to the minimum (only practical issues) and do nothing dramatic. The next few days alone are going to be for me despite the down moments.
Interesting first day without S. He breakfasted with W this morning for 20mins. She expected me to go as well but I stayed at home making up some sandwiches. After he left I cleared W's books and folders, putting them into storage. She rang while I was doing that but I didn't answer. I went for a walk and drink in the town centre. W's sister and friends bumped into me by accident. We ended up chatting and having a drink. All said how good I looked etc. arranged to meet up over the weekend. Texted workmates and said I had nothing to do. Some of them texted back to arrange a day out tomorrow. W rang again so I rang her back. She wanted to swap cars for a long distance trip to see her parents for the first time since the split. I explained I hadn't answered before because I Had been packing away her stuff.She was amazed to hear I'd been out for a drink by myself,"not like you"! She wanted to know where I was going tomorrow. Kept it all vague and cut the conversation short when she started asking me how I was etc. How am I doing? I know things won't change but felt more in control for once.
First night completely alone with no S. Slept badly felt weird. Kept expecting her to walk in and talk about S's trip. He is using a family group to text us so we see each other's comments. Today I'm going out for lunch with friends. She is curious to know who and where but I'm keeping it vague. She's visiting parents tomorrow and would like to change cars today but I'll do it tomorrow. I want to try to keep it brief. Taking the chance to give her back a bagful of CDs I bought her over the years. She seemed surprised yesterday that I've moved the last of her stuff into storage. She's going by herself to try to explain her situation to her parents and family. Of course they love her but don't understand why. Beyond my control. Just trying to keep busy and follow some of the advice you kind people have give me.
Son away as I've said. We are communicating with him via an app where the three of us can write. Wondering if it gives her a false sense of normality as usually we barely communicate with her. There again I don't want to be accused of blocking communication with son. She rang today to arrange time for car swap. I still wouldn't tell her where I was going today and with who. Could tell she was curious. Hope I can keep the conversation to a minimum tomorrow. She tried to prolong the phone conversation but once she wanted to know how I was, I gently brought the call to an end. Looking at my last posts I hope I'm going the right way.
You're doing great scrant, keep it up. I know how difficult it must be to make this change but its what will be best for both of you. She needs to understand the gravity of her choices and that you will not be plan B. That you will not just be her special friend or worse sitting around waiting for her to wise up while she tests all the waters.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
