after BD wife has changed into a person who she once criticized. Hooked up and moved in with the first guy she met online. Her soul mate.Together 2 weeks after BD and living together 1 month after BD.
Neglected and verbally abused our D's. Hurt them so deep that they refuse to be part of her life even if she wanted to. This was made easy to them. Wife abandoned them. W is now 5 months into not seeing them. Only 10 emails reaching out to them with no real effort about seeing them or being their mom.
Cut off all her friends, her Father, sister, my family.
I am the source of all her sadness. Her anger is towards me. Yet she never told me what i did or didn't do. Only said she has to find herself. Does not want to be married, doesn't want to be a girlfriend, a mom or a friend. Needed to find herself. Was not happy.
We are in mediation but we haven't had an appointment since September. No clue when the next one will be.
W gave me full custody like she was giving away old clothes. Took half of the furniture in which she lost when she failed to pay her apartment and abandoned it all to move in the OM
MIL who supports W to continue her path. MIL did the same crisis at W's age so she says its OK. MIL turned into a narcissist , selfish cold woman after her BD.
D's even reached out to MIL when wife had a very bad episode of anger towards the D's. They were scared and crying. MIL shut them down and told them they were liars. That was the last time the D's saw their mom and the last time they spoke to MIL. Aug 4 2015.
Since then , I redecorated the house for D's and me. We went camping, hiking, biking, zoos, movies, sleepovers with friends and family, new puppy, all great new memories.
W missed, both their birthdays, summer school for my D15 where she got A's ( 90's in Canada).removed the lower part of D's braces, meeting my youngest D13 boyfriend, Christmas and my D's first new years kiss from a boy.
Last edited by Irish M; 01/01/1605:53 PM.
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
I also want to thank everyone for their support. JOB, 123Gwen, MLeigh4, LouR, bttrfly, mirage, Peacetoday, AJM, brightfuture, RD500, kml, Sotto, Delboy, and many many more.
I am blessed to have the support you all give me.
recap from last week.
21st December : Wife reached out to the D's , wanted to give them their Xmas gift. D's refused to see her. The messaged her. She then messaged me. Wanted me to convince them to see her. I said no.
W wanted to hear it from them personally on the phone. I told W they would call her that night since I will be at the dentist with D15 that afternoon. W called the dentist to see if i was lying. ?? wow .
I convinced my D's to talk to their mom. Wasn't easy, so that evening the D's spoke to their mom. It wasn't pretty. I ended up talking to W after . W threatened me, she wanted me to force them to see her on the 24th for a lunch. If i didn't W would never sign any forms to allow me to travel with the D's. I told her I had full custody and didn't need her signature. Said bye and hung up.
23rd December: At school the D's get paged to come down to the school office. The secretary says to them "your mom wanted you to have this for Xmas" 2 gift cards. Both D's were embarrassed and angry, getting these in this manner. They wanted to throw them away but decided not to.. they messaged me to see if they can mail them back to her. I said we'd talk about it when i got back from work. They were both so mad they wrote on the envelops some nasty things to W and decided to walk to her office 10 minutes away and put it in the mail box there. ( W still works in the same town as where we live. She moved 45 mins away. She is looking to transfer her work to that town).
27th December. I feel bad about the way the D's spoke to W on the phone (21st dec) and what they wrote on the envelop. I message her. " I want to apologize for the girls behavior. They are hurt and needed to express that. It has been bottled up and needed to be released. We didn't raise our girls to talk to us that way. Wont happen again."
I didn't expect a message back. Got 2.
message 1: W: I understand. I hurt them and broke up the couple, the marriage and the family. It's all my fault. I never thought it would be like this and i am paying for my choices. These consequences are more than what I could have ever imagined. I miss them and wish they forgive me. Merry Christmas.
message 2 December 28th
W : I miss your parents, wish them merry Xmas for me..
I don't reply. Took the great advice from Job, LouR, MLeighs, Mirage and bbtrfly. 5 out of 5 LBS agree, No reply...Let her sit on this and think it through herself. Small pocket of clarity.
31st December
W: wish you a happy New year and wish your parents a happy new year for me. (no mention of the D's)
my reply: you should do it yourself.
Why the sudden interest in my parents?
She was closer to my parents than she was with her own parents (separated when she was 8, MLC mom) . When she first deleted everyone on Facebook. The only connection she kept was my mom. I helped my mom delete her because she didn't want to see W on there with OM. My mom understands what W is going through. she feels so sorry for W being so lost but at the same time doesn't want to be part of W's destructive life right now.
Again all words no action from W. most likely a low point for her not seeing the D's at Xmas. Her birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks. the D's have made it clear they will not see or give her anything. W missed both their birthdays. They are teens (W included) can't expect them to play nice.
Last edited by Irish M; 01/01/1606:49 PM.
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Irish, I agree with Peacetoday, its a moment of clarity and its the 1st Christmas away, this was tough for her, but don't expect her to change her ways anytime soon, if at all.
Hi Peace, I am doing great thank you :-). I Had a much better Xmas and New years than I could have ever imagined. I Hope you are doing well too.
I don't know if W wants to feel forgiven. My D's have told me they wont forgive her ever if she continues her life path. She will have to rebuild their trust again. They are teens so they will hold a grudge. As they get older they may want to reach out to her. Maybe a coffee or a lunch. Who knows.
W did say because of her actions she is paying severely the consequences and they are far worse than she could have ever expected. I actually felt sorry for her until my oldest D told me this.
"Dad its funny "her name" (since they refuse to call her mom anymore) says her consequences she is living... worse than what she expected." D then gave me that look like what ever. Then she said this " What about what we lived through the last 5 months." She ran down the list of awful things W did and said. The conditions we lived like camping until we replaced the furniture.. how it affected so many people around us, friends and family.
D finished by telling me... "we deserve better than her felling sorry for her loses."
I stood their speechless on how mature and clear D15 sees this. Like I said.. W will have to move mountains to regain the D's trust and compassion. They keep reminding me to stop feeling sorry for W. She made this mess we don't have to live in it.
Braveheart - I feel that too. clarity on her own loss and what she is missing. nothing about our feelings in this. W has a long way to go. I expect nothing from her.
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Your daughter is very wise! She makes a very good point. I have seen a pattern on here that they feel sorry for themselves long before they think about what they have done to others.
I am so happy to hear you had such a nice Christmas and NY
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
What a wise daughter you have! She is definitely a very astute young lady who can see through the poor me attitude of your wife.
I, too, am glad you had a nice Christmas and New Year's. I hope this year will be a far better one for you and your daughters.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Irish M, Just to say something about the Walk Away wife. In late July 04 My wife sent a letter for all our D's to see. In it she wrote "I had that letter sent to Dad (Threat of divorce, to try and get the monkey (Delboy) off her back) to tell him i'm not coming back home and it's time for you all to move on."
