Now, I see the fact that you were calm and rational enough to ask all those questions of your H about his ridiculous idea as a great act of patience! I would have flipped, maybe even have caused bodily harm! So to me, you are pretty amazing.
You have a real good point about his previous relationship being possibly "interrupted" I am curious to see what the vets say.
I truly do understand your frustration. I am so there!! I am back to asking myself daily....do you know what you want to do yet?
It seems many of us are feeling at this crossroad right now. I think we are inching our way along, but glad to see nobody making any rash decisions. I have a feeling this year may bring some answers to us.
Wishing you a good day
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
HaWho, very interesting to read about your H’s previous relationship and this thing to find a woman who would look at him “meaningful”. I was laughing… Then I remembered what my H said about the relationship he is looking for. He said that he wants a “harmonious” relationship. I think it means no conflict, easy relationship where the woman would be just going along with whatever he wants and whatever life style he has. Plus, she would admire him and accept for who he is and trust him blindly (even if he would flirt with other women occasionally, LOL.) Or, and did I mention there would be no conflict, ever... This kind of R would not require any work on H’s part. I think it sounds similar to what your H has in his mind.
I’m also wondering… if my H would already met a woman like that, or a woman he thought would be like that, he would have progressed in his MLC faster. I also think that all this stuff comes from a strained R with H’s mother. He has a lot to work through. I think his mother was a very loving woman, but she went through a horrible D (H’s dad left her) with a lot of conflict and crazy stuff and it all had a huge effect on H and his siblings. I think he still blames her for a lot of things.
As for shushing, I think I had a little better then you, LOL. H didn’t do it during the commercials, but mostly during the times when we watched sports. Now, he could do all kind of talking during the games, when he felt like that. But… I always spoke at the wrong times, even when replying to his comments.
I agree with mleigh4, you are amazing, dealing with this teenager/child H. I hope you have a good week.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
HaWho, i read through your threads & to me it sounds like the letter was written from the mind of a teenager, it being written is worse because of written proof your H cannot deny. My H said some pretty cruel things to me that i held on to and kept resenting him for, finally i told him how hurtful the thing he said were, listing the things he said back to him. He denied saying them and couldn't remember half the things he said. I would say it does more harm to give the letter more value then its worth, it wasnt return by your H it was written the teenage version of him. Also, I am in my early 30s, im in good shape and take care of myself, my H still finds me repulsive. Don't take the sister comments personally, i think the midlife is causing hormonal changes & problems in the intimacy department which they blame on their spouse for not looking better. Doesnt matter how you god you look the problem is not us it's them. I dress well, put on makeup, take care of myself, receive many compliments... but my H can only see me as a "mother" figure or someone he is not remotely attracted to. Again it's them not us, the teenage brain is making them desire something really unrealistic.
Hi Mleigh, Bright and Maddy- good to hear from you all.
Mleigh- don't be too impressed! That's how I acted after BD #2! I have been blitzed twice don't forget!! At BD #1 I was, well, let's just say not so lady-like!
Maddy - thanks so much for the kind words. I appreciate it.
Bright - love the harmonious relationship comment. What wish lists these MLcers have!!
Post BD, by the time my h was done telling me what he wanted I was ready to write his Match.com profile for him: 50 yr. old man/child terrified of aging seeking woman/multiple women to look at me meaningfully while asking/expecting nothing in return. Interests: talking about me and why you should find me interesting. Pet peeves: women who are aging and throwing out the Christmas tree before February. I will see you 6 hours/week split between Tuesdays, Thursday and Fridays: no exceptions. All other days I will live in a self-made dorm room at home with my wife and two kids where I play depressing guitar songs and adhere to a not-so strict fasting regiment.
I would love to be fielding the incoming calls!!!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
OMG! I laughed so hard at what you could have posted on Match! That was so funny...but true to what he wanted.
Keep that sense of humor!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Reminds me of when I found a message from H to a girl, saying he hoped she'd understand he'd just come out of an R and wasn't ready to date yet. He hoped she'd understand. Reality - we'd S 2 months prior. All he'd told me was 'I'm confused' and OW was very much on the go!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Yesterday, in the middle of the day, on my lunch break, I took the dog out for a walk. H must have come home early and I receive the following text:
H: tell x (the dog) I said arfff. H: X arfff : )
We have a running joke where my h says the dog isn't so bright and I cover the dog's ears and tell h the dog understands him and his feelings are hurt. Secretly I agree with h but I never admit it. I read somewhere that you can get a sense of a dog's IQ by putting a blanket over him and the quicker he shakes it off, the brighter he is.
The kids and I put it to the test once. My dog didn't seem to notice he'd been covered up by a blanket and when he got up (at his leisure and certainly not because of the blanket) he walked around with the blanket on him the way a cold horse does. YIKES! As for a more practical test, if he is in the front years and I leave the door open a crack the dog never pushes the door open to come in?!? H of course sees this and argues "see, he is not bright!" I secretly agree, but argue that the dog has impeccable manners and waits to be let in! All of this made funnier by the fact that he is a French herding dog!!
Ok- thankful to see some lightness from h, a balf hour later I text back: ok, I will let him know when he comes out of his Latin Society meeting. Now h looks like he is the one who barks and the dog is the bright one. H texts: arff.
This may be a MLC first: reconnecting with the dog through text!!!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
