Ciluzen, just wanted to stop by and wish you a Merry Christmas!
I'm proud of you for the way you handled H last time. Great validating and 180's.
While you realize where you went off track, try not to make it the entire reason for the M breakdown? The decision to end the M was H's...not yours. You may have things to work on, and do work on them. H has given you a gift of time to deal with things that should be dealt with. A wise woman will put the time apart to good use. You strike me as a wise woman!
H called a few times yesterday to ask if I had power (many power outages here due to heavy snow), was driveway plowed by neighbor (it was), and to let me know D2 made an appearance at D1's house for Christmas Eve breakfast (very big surprise).
This morning H called to...well, no reason. Brought up kids coming today, when they'd come, he joked about if D2 would actually show up when she said she would (she texted that it would be 2 hrs later while we were on phone, we had a good laugh at that), and told me all about his ski adventure yesterday. I, once again, mostly listened and validated when needed. He said he'd call again on his way down from skiing, to talk to kids. That's fine.
He also told me my Mom called to wish him Merry Christma so I told him she had sent a present here for him. He seemed surprised, but I let that go without commenting. I told him I had something here for him, too- nothing big...just some stuff to put in his backpack for skiing. H thought that was nice. Whatever, really. I offered him leftover prime rib and scalloped potatoes for dinner tonight, D2 could bring them by when she goes home. I know that my 180 would be to leave him to himself (he later on in convo told me he had bought some steak for Christmas dinner), but it doesn't have to happen, either. Me trying to control or me being nice during holidays; one hand up, one hand down like a scale. Dunno. I'm going to second guess it all even though I shouldn't because, well...I'm not quite there yet.
Looking forward to seeing my kiddos soon and do our new version of Christmas. Just kinda blah about the whole thing. Trying to choose happy, as they say, if not for me then for them and others.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
Pop by anytime! I will greet you with bubbly and slippers at the door!
Sometimes choosing to be happy can be exhausting.
D1 and SIL and D2 came over and we had a good time eating quiche, drinking Mimosas, opening a few presents (lean year) and playing Scattergories (much more loose with adult children and adult beverages). D2 had to leave for work, but then D1's in-laws came. More games and talk, then dinner. I love to cook and I love it when people enjoy my cooking. Totally enjoyed the evening.
H called after he got home from skiing and I was prepared to hand off phone immediately to D1, but he wanted to chitcht a bit. I made it cheerful and short and gave phone to D, then went back to talk with my new family members.
D1, SIL, D1's friend (my "other daughter") and H will all be skiing together tomorrow. Normally I would feel a little left out, but I was very, am very, content right now. It may only be the wine from dinner, but I think the choosing to be happy idea actually worked a bit tonight. D1 even told me H was asking how I was...did I seem happy? Was I ok? This might have set me off last weekend (ok. it did) But it didn't bother me...didn't break my contentment. She told him I was having a good time. Phew. I reiterated that she didn't have to be a go-between..."ask her yourself" also works. But whatever.
Looking forward to skiing later this week with her (I had so much fun last time that I want to go again!) and then seeing Star Wars with she and her husband. I also am going to see "Joy" with some meetup ladies on Sunday. GAL this vacation! Choosing happy.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
H seems temp checking via daughter. As you said you would like him to do it directly but no involve your D, but distance sometimes is a good thing.
I'm so glad that you have found an authentic love of sking. Mr M, my first love was a cyclist when I met him and I took it up because I didn't want to be a cycling widow. It was always motivated to ride, because it meant so much to him. I didn't actually find my own love of cycling until with separated and I was completely riding for myself. It was whole different experience. All my successes were for me and not what he would think or feel about it.
Great job with Christmas, Ciluzen! The day you describe sounds heavenly. Quiche and mimosas? Tell me more! What else did you make for this event?
In the past, we'd do a Mexican dinner them for Christmas Eve. I moved that to Christmas Day this year. No one seemed to mind, and I had very few leftovers. That always makes me happy!
What you said about cycling...that is it EXACTLY! A whole different experience skiing for myself.
I also believe you are right on the temp checking. H has convinced himself that I never really liked him, though, so him hearing of me being happy without him still bothers me. But what am I supposed to do? Shrivel up and die? My post bomb "situational depression" as my IC calls it, caused me to drop weight like crazy...I guess I did kind of shrivel up. Anyway. I'm not in charge of his reactions to how I feel, as reported by someone else.
Ancaire, I spent Christmas Eve alone...that was sort of hard, but I read my book for book club (The Same Sky...pretty good, actually), watched "Trainwreck" (a naughty comedy that had me laughing out loud), journaled, and I read and posted on these boards- you all kept me sane-ish.
My D2 is allergic to wheat and My D1 has celiac so I made a crustless mushroom, ham and veggie quiche, fresh fruit, and GF spice cookies with lots of ginger and cinnamon. My kids love those. I use lots of butter and roll them very thin so they melt in your mouth. Some GF versions of things taste...well, just not worth even trying to replace the original. But you can't tell the difference with the cookies!
For dinner I made herb and salt crusted prime rib and my version of scalloped potatoes with parmesan and gruyere cheese, prosciutto, and riesling wine. D1 made a great salad with mixed greens, goat cheese, and fruit. Desert was a fresh cranberry and spiced apple crumble with vanilla gelato.
The gelato spurred our only talk of H with everyone. H would get excited whenever we had a big snow and would run out to gather a big bowl of the new stuff. He then made "snow cream" with whole milk, vanilla, and sugar. A tradition for our family. Just caused a chuckle.
Mexican food sounds like a great tradition! I grew up in Southern California...most of my friends were hispanic. Their moms all thought I was too skinny and kept trying to feed me every time I was over. Loved that!
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
All right. I'm moving, so I can be your neighbor. LOL
The food sounds so delicious. I didn't do any gluten free this year, but I played around with a white chocolate cranberry cookie recipe. This year, I melted about a third of the white chocolat and added it to the dough. I used hazelnuts instead of the usual almond, walnut, or pecan. I toasted them first.
Those cookies were so good. I could only eat one because it was so rick - but it was flavor in every bite. Perfect with coffee.
Growing up in Texas, tamales are big around Christmas for some reason. Someone always makes several dozen tamales and gives them to us a Christmas gifts. That's what started the Mexican Food Christmas Eve. I moved it to Christmas this year, because I just didn't have the energy to cook a lot of food. So, I set it all out buffet style, and everyone personalized their plates. I'll definitely be doing that again! So much easier than hosting, gift-exchange, big fancy dinner, and clean-up.
No one spilled, so the house stayed clean. I was a happy momma.
If Momma's happy, everybody's happy! Paraphrasing, of course.
Tamales...yum! I love Mexican food of any kind. And no spills at a get together? Amazing. Our only one was water, luckily. My coffee table is dog tail height.
Those cookies sound decadent. I'm all about hazelnuts, I have a few hazelnut trees (shrubs?)- whatever, they are small.
So I have a question.
Just because I know my H is a question asker. What would be a good response if he asks why I don't call or text him, since I'm trying to only respond to his initiations?
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
