You don't have to go to dinner--its up to you but if its makes things easier for you for him to bring food for the kids then I say yes
you can always excuse yourself run an errand while he is there ask if it would be ok to leave and take time for you so even if you don't feel like his presence maybe the kids can be with him and you can disappear for a while
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I am still reeling from the it is not my job to provide for you comment...it hits me in my pride..foolish I know...but I am proud that when he tossed us away I was able to dust myself off and get a job.. work around the kids schedule and be able to get them and not disrupt much of their already stressed little hearts... I put them to bed everynight with thumb wars and tickle wars...then log in and work some more. Oh well off to see sisters hopefully it can cheer me up then IC afterwards..def needed
You are doing well and I love to hear how things seem to unfold for the LBS like your job and how you can work around the kids hang in,,,good is coming
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Thank you. I really think I can do it on my own if I move to a smaller place in august. I plan on buying a house if I can keep steady. My H is a bit hysterical...he cannot remember anything ..we asked him 4 x to make sure he had the boys home early..he swears he doesn't remember... I had a chat with him about him telling my sister..he was annoyed that the kids only talk with him for 30 seconds and they put me on...I told him he can always text me and I can have them call him without me being involved...he said it was a misunderstanding...then he left at the same time I was leaving...he called me while I was at walmart and asked if I wanted him to fill my gas tank????????UMMMMM???? I just can't read that man he is all over the place...These 2 weeks will let me detach...I need the space OMG and some mental sanity
Hi Tfish - memory problems in general are typical throughout MLC/the fog. They don't really remember a lot of what they say; not that this makes it easy to forget what you have heard. In fact, sometimes they say the most outlandish things and don't recall them even minutes later.
As for the rest of your H's kind offers, Job would tell you that your H does nice things for you because he probably did not receive enough praise as a child. Say thank you and accept help where you want it. But don't fall into the trap of thinking that there is greater meaning behind all of this. In fact, sometimes they do things because they have pangs of guilt.
Your H is all emotion now, just like a teenager or child, depending on how far back he goes.
It is crazy to watch it unfold before your very own eyes. It is shocking. Keep the lens on you and your kids.
Take care of you and your kids.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Depression causes memory problems. Also, the wires in their heads are just a jumbled mess right now because they are operating on pure emotions, i.e., not thinking like a rational human being.
If he wants to do something nice, let him (unless you feel uncomfortable w/him doing things for you). As HaWho stated, accept the help, thank him for it, but don't fall into the trap of thinking that things are changing for him. They crave attention, good or bad. As children, most of them didn't receive recognition/praise. So, "mom" when your man/child does something nice...say thanks or I appreciate your help.
As you detach, you will begin to see just how emotional he will get and yes, a lot of what they say and do will appear irrational to you, but it doesn't to them. That's why it's important to not believe anything they say and only 50% of what they do.
Try to keep the focus on you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am sad that my H is at my inlaws instead of being with his boys for Christmas...but that is his choice and maybe one day he can reflect on it. I am NC with him. He wants to talk to the boys . He sends me a text and I have them call him back. I am taking them to my sisters tonight and will be making cookies and snowman pizzas. I am so proud of my boys..They are doing so well. We play bingo and uno daily Yesterday my S7 had his flu shot and did not cry...1st time..we celebrated with ice cream...grateful for these little moments I am buying a treadmill and plan to take my stress out on it lol...looking fwd to getting healthy
Hi Tfish - that is great that you will be working off stress on your treadmill! Physical activity helps so much.
As sad as it is that your H is making these choices, they are HIS choices. It is good that you are distancing yourself from all that as best you can.
All the things you are doing with your kids are wonderful! Continue to keep yourselves busy and make the home cheerful for you and the kids. Play music, games, bake, etc.
Be that pillar for you and your kids. Enjoy the holidays with your children.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
we all got pajamas from the elves and made santa some cookies we put out reindeer food on the lawn so Santa could find us. Santa came and brought my boys some goodies. Now we are slumber partying it up in a tent ...in my room lol and tomorrow my biggies arrive and we can open up the rest of the presents...all in all a successful Christmas...And no Stress!!!
we put out reindeer food on the lawn so Santa could find us. Santa came and brought my boys some goodies. Now we are slumber partying it up in a tent ...in my room lol and tomorrow my biggies arrive and we can open up the rest of the presents...all in all a successful Christmas...And no Stress!!!