This question you ask, "What if she told you she simply could not control herself with the OM?" is my W's additive personality. Once she tries something and likes it she keeps going and going even if she knows its bad for her.
Example, I tried to get W to stop going to Starbucks (that's just one of her additive habits she cannot control.. $,$$$ annually AND all those calories from the specialty drinks) for many years but earlier this year she simply stop going but is back at it.
So yes, I would say she simply can not control herself. I am so screwed!!
The ability of the WW to compartmentalize is incredible and difficult for us as the LBS to comprehend.
So VERY true. Why can't they see the black and white.. facts!!
Originally Posted By: RAI
WW will vilify the LBS and make them out to be the bad person.
I realize that when W cries its because she furiously blames me and she did finally tell me so (when for a long time she would say we both contributed to the screw up).
Originally Posted By: RAI
I look forward to the day when I can see this from a distance, rather that daily under the same roof.
Thanks for the feed. I seriously need someone to tell me straight up.
Originally Posted By: tl2
You are engineering more probability that you two will not be able to rebuild your M, or you're adding a lot of time (weeks, prob months!), difficulty, and more barriers for your W to have to get over before you can make any progress.
I know what I was doing was wrong but in the moments I can't control it.
Originally Posted By: tl2
Immature people a driven by their feelings and appeal of instant gratification, the easy road.
This is W personality. She goes for the instant gratification and easy road. I am so screwed!
Originally Posted By: tl2
You are taking the exact same easy road by feeding your emotional addiction to her. You're essential doing the exact same thing as she is emotionally.
Never realized I was acting the same way. Thanks for shining the light on this perspective.
Originally Posted By: tl2
So knock that s--t off, bro. STFU. Take care of and work on yourself. When you release her to her path of disrespect and failure to commit, you also release yourself from the pain associated with your unhealthy attachment to her.
I need someone to be straight up to knock that s--t out of me.
I know what I was doing was wrong but in the moments I can't control it.
When I asked what if your WW said she couldn't control herself, you brought up her addictive personality. I was really referring to you. You excuse your own bad behavior by saying you can't control it. YES, YOU CAN CONTROL IT, AND SO CAN SHE! Talk about taking the easy road! You just shuck it off with you can't help it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Truthfully, I am not doing a good enough job at detaching and GAL. WW and I still do a lot of things together because of kid activities and social circle.
I make it an effort to spend quality time with my kids individually on weekdays. Simple things like playing ball, reading a bedtime story, art/craft activity, or board game (they always end up calling WW to join).
A small change that I had been doing well with until a few weeks ago, due to weather conditions is jogging or riding bike for exercise; down to 1 day per week.
WW and I still do a lot of things together because of kid activities and social circle.
You just need to look at these as opportunities to remain detached.
But more importantly, you should probably get out and do more because you need to have outside interests that you can spend your time and attention on, which will generate more independent mindset on your part and will help when you need to interact with WW. This is absolutely necessary because you will learn what it feels like to have a good time and feel good and strong without the W around. You will then be able to carry it back into the home. The stronger you are individually, the better you can handle the more challenging aspects of this.
you need to have outside interests that you can spend your time and attention on, which will generate more independent mindset on your part and will help when you need to interact with WW
For me finding the time and energy between work (recently its been very demanding) and home has been a challenge. I hardly have the time to be here on this message board which I find very helpful.
Thanks Sandi, you are correct and I need that tough love to realize I really have no excuse and need to suck it up to be that strong/confident guy again.
I hear you. I work a lot as well. My way of looking at it, if you like your work and you get a lot out of doing it in terms of personal satisfaction, that's a good GAL in my book.
If not, you need something that makes you feel good about yourself that doesn't involve your W or family.
