So it looks like I'm back here

[Cherry]

Today has been a difficult stage with baby misbehaving. One of my male friends who I've always been close to I had confided in, and whilst he told me to do whatever is best for my family and to be happy, he's also said he doesn't wanna sway my mind one way or another. He's done a bit of what is potentially harmless flirting. But it's actually made me a bit annoyed cause while I sorta flirted back- I thought like I felt like I dunno where this could lead in my vulnerable state. And I actually felt a bit dirty for flirting back with him. Like I had cheated on my husband.

Just made me feel a little shitty. Out gal- img with a girlfriend tonight. Really, in a way I feel like curling in a ball in bed.

[Zephyr]

Hmm, i have always been weary of men or women who are 'there for a shoulder to cry on' 'dont want to sway your mind' or say they would never do anything because they respect you marriage (all they while they are flirtatious or try to initiate emotional closeness or become subversive with the concept of leaving the spouse.

People are wired to build emotional connections and ultimately that drives them towards their actions. when they say one thing and act in a direct conflict with that it really shows their color.

I'm glad you're seeing this for yourself. we are especially vulnerable when we're trying to work on ourselves and find out how to have our needs met on our own, when those desires for connection and fulfillment are offered by someone else.

It is not difficult to see the slippery slope with these interactions.

[JksD]

I am with Zephyr on that. Yes, be wary of the opp sex who try to comfort you while you're having probs in your marriage. That was how the OW in my marriage moved in for the kill.

If you're uncomfortable, then you really should listen to what your instincts are telling you.

I know what you mean about curling up in bed. If you feel like it, you should. It can be healing too after all that GAL. Sometimes I feel like I am running myself ragged with too many GAL activities.

[Cherry]

Thanks for the comfort guys, yeah I can see it- and although the friendship feels comforting to me right now, I do feel somewhat wary that I know in the past he's had feelings for me and would try and be the good friend and eventually draw me in.

It's hard, so hard.

Busy night tonight, and more planned in tomorrow!! Been so so busy recently.

I haven't seen h at all today, barely spoke neither. We have messaged, that's all.
Now I am religious so some may not agree with this thought of mine. But I believe God tests us, and I'm thinking because when h did this I said how I couldn't believe he did this- I'd never cheat on him. And now I'm feeling god is testing me as if to see how I would react if someone else was to move in on me

[JksD]

I dont know if this is DBing. This is how I see this: you are young, you are attractive and you know you have options. But you are brave and strong enough not to take the easy way out and bail on your marriage.

You are giving it your best shot, not because you have no other options but because you love your H and you want a family with him and your D.

So this is the type of person that you are.

The journey may be painful but the rewards will definitely be worth the effort. And you dont have to worry if eventually you find that your H is not going the same way that you are, because you know that there is someone who will be.

[Vanilla]

Cherry

There will be a time when you are seeking a new R either with H or another.

Is a man who behaves like this the type of man you want to R with? That is the road to more pain in my view.

You will be stronger looking for an R and a partner who is your equal in life. Honey this type of R won't be any where on the score board to that which you seek.

Just my 2c

V

[Cherry]

Guys you are too right. Thanks for that, v- certainly not, it sounds like an accident waiting to happen and potentially ending back down this path.

This is really hard. In bed, it's like there's a huge gap between us. So close, yet so far. He's still barely speaking. Last time we went through this, he wouldn't get changed in front of me or let him see me half dressed. Now, this doesn't bother him. Though I know, don't read into things.

Got some GAL planned in, good job cause h told me last night he's going to be out pretty much all day. Trying not to overthink. Finding the morning quite tough today. I woke up and watched him sleep, in a way so desperate to have him hold me- and in another wanting to beat him because once again he's hurting me so much. And again, this isn't just hurting me- he's barely seen our child in days and had no plans to today. And that hurts, and I'm trying to protect him who keeps saying dada over and over all day to me.

[Cherry]

Today has been a hard day. Baby misbehaving. Feeling a little vulnerable and taken advantage of potentially by "friends".

And wanting him back.

He's out all day, and night. I feel like being irresponsible for once

[Cherry]

He had been to talk to his mum telling her how unhappy he was with me. And how he hasn't ever been happy. This is bull$**t I know that. But I guess it's part of the script to re write history isn't it?
She must have given him a good telling off, cause he was trying too much to be nice to me. He decided he wanted to stay home to watch movies with me instead of out with the boys. He then was overly trying to be nice, talking, joking.
I felt so angry, last night I would have been quite happy if he went out.
Just hearing all this stuff, even if it's lies hurts. And this is hard. And he's all over the place,, like last night he wanted to talk to me for the first time in weeks. I couldn't and make conversation I was just too angry!!

[Cherry]

So today's hard, I know it will pass, I know I have to work through the pain. But I'm hurting and I'm angry. Seeing this person who once appeared to love you more than life itself spit venom at you, it hurts.

Trying to regroup my thoughts but finding it hard. He is looking after baby. I've gone back to bed, he thinks I'm doing stuff, but right now- I need to feel this pain and push through it.