Focus on living life as it is in this moment

[focus22]

Today is two months to the day that my H left.

Precisely at this time two months ago he was saying horrible things about me, and about our M to me. I stayed really calm the whole time.

I know that after he walked out the door I felt really desperate, but I can't quite remember what that feeling was exactly like.

How do I feel now? I had another nightmare and didn't sleep much last night.

Today has been a good day though. I went to my part time job, I had two pieces of really good news for my own business, and I bought a really sexy top to go with my new foxy shoes (going for the heels, jeans and nice top look for my GAL Christmas nights out this coming week). I'll do my hair as well...new colour.

How difficult is all of this? Unspeakably difficult and horrendously painful. I'm not even sure if I want to carry on with my M at this point. I certainly have no inclination to see, speak, or have any sort of communication with my H for now. I'm enjoying having this time to myself and enjoying getting to know myself again a little.

I guess time will tell. It's still all very new.

Happy for you focus! Keep reaching out and keep working on yourself. I would love to be at your parties! Guess I will have to find one closer to home. I second your statement abut the good vibes coming back around to you. Not a big believer in karma but I have learned through my cancer that there are a lot of people who I have connected with over the years that poured out their hearts to me when I really needed it. Sadly my wife abandoned me when I was at my lowest point. I am now seeing it clearly however that if she could do it at that point then I really had nothing with her any way.

Ending on a happy note, I hope tomorrow brings a spring to your step and a smile to your face. God Bless you and thinking of you always.

Sorry to hear you were so unwell, shotgun. I can't begin to imagine how difficult and painful that all must have been.

Hope you have something nice lined up for the weekend? And God bless you too.

[Scrant]

Focus, it sounds like you doing fantastically well for 2 months . We're on the same timeline and I'm not throwing myself out there as much as you. Enjoy your weekend.

[shotgun]

Hi focus22. I hope to draw inspiration from your GAL activities! Very proud of you for soldiering on and for your remarkable strength. It's interesting how horrible we are in our
S eyes. Funny thing here is that they don't seem incredibly excited about having moved on. I expected my wife to be prancing happily about after she left but she just seemed very angry. I predict that your husband will go through a good bit of anger as well. Do not however try to rationalize or explain his behavior because even the greatest minds in the psychological world can not do that. Your husband and my wife had something trigger in them that makes up seem down and left seem right. We have to allow them to work their way through that and in the meantime make ourselves as happy and healthy as we possibly can. Keep buying those sexy clothes and plaster on a smile and get out and drive the boys crazy! Have a fun weekend.

[jjal]

I'm 5+ months in, and believe me, it does get better. The sleep gets easier, but every now and then, a sleepless night will creep up on me and remind me I still have a long way to go.

I've had to just let go. And that's been the hardest thing I've ever done, but also the thing that has saved my sanity and my life.

Like you, the GAL activities have been vital in recovery and growth. Keep at it! Keep telling yourself "I will be ok", and commit to it. You can do this!

[focus22]

Focus, it sounds like you doing fantastically well for 2 months . We're on the same timeline and I'm not throwing myself out there as much as you. Enjoy your weekend.

Thank you Scrant. I'll keep checking in on your thread to see how you're doing.

I'm lucky in that I work in a sociable job, with a lot of very sociable people

Hi focus22. I hope to draw inspiration from your GAL activities!

I *am* really nervous about it all though, and sometimes totally petrified. But what are the other options? They don't seem half as appealing to me.

It's interesting how horrible we are in our S eyes. Funny thing here is that they don't seem incredibly excited about having moved on. I expected my wife to be prancing happily about after she left but she just seemed very angry. I predict that your husband will go through a good bit of anger as well.

God, he was so incredibly angry at me the night he left. Everything was my fault. He was even questioning why we ever got married in the first place. Part of me is totally shocked by that, part of me is like, wtf?!

I don't know what is going through his mind at the moment, or what he is up to. I could try and guess, but what would be the point?

I've discovered that going down that train of thought leads me to feel all over the place, frightened, stressed, unable to deal with things and to function. So I've been trying to catch myself and to stop myself as much as I can.

My part time job has been helping, as I'm doing so many hours at the moment, and it's really busy. It might be harder in January, when things slow down a bit.

At some point I'm guessing my H might want to see me? But maybe not, I don't know. And I have no idea what he might say or do.

My hunch is that he'll throw some anger in my direction. I'm not really very good at dealing with that with people in general. I'm *very* good at diffusing anger and calming people right down. But it's time to face that too now, in my life, right?

I'm 5+ months in, and believe me, it does get better. The sleep gets easier, but every now and then, a sleepless night will creep up on me and remind me I still have a long way to go.

I've had to just let go. And that's been the hardest thing I've ever done, but also the thing that has saved my sanity and my life.

Like you, the GAL activities have been vital in recovery and growth. Keep at it! Keep telling yourself "I will be ok", and commit to it. You can do this!

Thank you. I'm so incredibly grateful I discovered this place, and for all people who have taken the time to share their experiences on their own threads as well as on mine. I can't begin to describe the difference that it's made to me.

Speak to you all soon x

[focus22]

I have a question. What do I say when people ask about my H and I?

What do I say to people at my work?

And what do I say when people in our industry ask about my H and I?


I'm at a total loss.

[gonegrl]

Focus, can you just say "we are separated right now"? I don't really know.

[focus22]

Thank you pho.

Even the simplest thing relating to my M and H seems to be fraught with complexity at the moment.

Sad moment yesterday at work, when we were talking about channel set diamonds and the person I was talking to didn't know what that sort of setting looked like. So I went to show my engagement ring, and then remembered it's not on my finger any more.

Anyway, back to today. I've ended up with two invitations to work drinks for this evening. So I'm going to both. I'll spend a couple of hours and one, and a couple of hours at the other.

[Scrant]

Enjoy your evening! As for what to tell people, you have nothing to hide I agree with Pho.

[focus22]

Thank you Scrant.

Well this evening turned out fun, for lots of different reasons.

I had a good afternoon at work. And then got dolled up for our evening out, so I felt quite good about myself, even if a little shy. The first part of my evening I unexpectedly met two people who knew my H and I, and had worked with us.

One was really surprised to hear our news, but was bowled over by how well I looked, and thought it was now my time to shine. She said she thought I needed someone really strong who was able to give me the support I needed.

The other one of them is working with my H at the moment. She knew we had split up, so she was asking how I was. I was in all honesty able to tell her what I'd been up to (GAL), how well I was doing, and how surprised I was to be getting chatted up so much.

I think I met them both at the right time. If I had met them a month ago, I wouldn't have felt quite so good, so it wouldn't have all been quite so convincing and truthful.

Anyway, I'm sure some of that will get back to him in some form or another.

I went to my other night out, and had an hour with everyone there. They were all very happy to see me, and all thought I looked very well. Nobody there knows about my H (some of them were talking about what a dude he is, so it was a bit weird. I hope I kept it under control though and didn't give anything away).


I walked the couple of miles home at the end of the evening. It gave me a chance to think the evening over. There's nothing I said or did that makes my toes curl. I was a bit subdued and shy, if anything.

So tomorrow afternoon, I have a GAL coffee planned.