A new frock is perfect focus! It will look great on you next time you go out. I too had a back seat to my spouse' career and I am pretty quiet around people that I don't know well. I am however enjoying meeting new people through GAL activities and working out at the gym. I live in a small town and it is pretty hard to meet new people. Keep working on yourself and stay as busy as possible. Think about new hobbies and interests. Praying for you always!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
A new frock is perfect focus! It will look great on you next time you go out. I too had a back seat to my spouse' career and I am pretty quiet around people that I don't know well. I am however enjoying meeting new people through GAL activities and working out at the gym. I live in a small town and it is pretty hard to meet new people. Keep working on yourself and stay as busy as possible. Think about new hobbies and interests. Praying for you always!
Thank you shotgun.
GAL is amazing, isn't it? What a lifeline.
One of the things I'm really struggling with is the humiliation and shame I'm feeling.
I don't know where to go or what to do with those feelings.
Hi Focus, any time shame is mentioned, I think Brene Brown! Have you watched her TED talks? You may also want to have a look at the TED talk on infidelity by Esther Perel.
Hope these help a little. Also, are you seeing an IC? These would be good areas to explore at those sessions too.
Take care Sweetie x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thank you Sotto. I shall definitely check those out.
Yup. I was seeing an IC for something else entirely (anxiety and panic attacks as a result of pursuing legal action against an ex colleague). I had been for two sessions with her when all this happened. So that's what we've been talking about ever since.
She seems very keen for me to draw a line under our M. She keeps referring to him as my 'ex husband' and statistics about two thirds of Ms ending in divorce.
I must admit to feeling slightly annoyed every time she calls him my 'ex husband', but I understand why she's saying it and what she's getting at.
Congratulations on winning in court focus22. Glad that you are in counseling. Therapist try to get us to see reality and in her mind the marriage might be over. Mine did the same thing but it was at a time when I really needed to accept it. As for humiliation and shame you need work on that because you don't really have any reason for those feelings. The work you are doing with the therapist is very hard and Lord only knows where it will go. I found out that I was much healthier than I thought going in. She just kept saying "Those feelings are completely normal". I had been so beaten down by my STBXW that I believed everything that she said about me. I am glad to have gone through the therapy because I am now armed with a lot more knowledge than I had going into it. Hope you have had a great evening as it is early afternoon here. Stay strong and keep up the hard work!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Thank you. It was pretty stressful (people don't take legal action here very often).
Originally Posted By: shotgun
Glad that you are in counseling. Therapist try to get us to see reality and in her mind the marriage might be over. Mine did the same thing but it was at a time when I really needed to accept it.
I've felt a couple of times that she's been pushing me along slightly. That's OK, I guess.
Originally Posted By: shotgun
As for humiliation and shame you need work on that because you don't really have any reason for those feelings. The work you are doing with the therapist is very hard and Lord only knows where it will go. I found out that I was much healthier than I thought going in. She just kept saying "Those feelings are completely normal". I had been so beaten down by my STBXW that I believed everything that she said about me. I am glad to have gone through the therapy because I am now armed with a lot more knowledge than I had going into it. Hope you have had a great evening as it is early afternoon here. Stay strong and keep up the hard work!
She's said those things to me too, about some of my feelings being totally normal.
I've felt a lot of the time over the past four or five years that I haven't known which way was up any more. I'd say to my H how I felt about certain (hurtful to me) things he was doing, and he would just carry on doing them, without so much as a second thought. I guess I just got used to that. And he just pushed further and further into my boundary. And I got used to that too.
At the moment, I have absolutely no desire to see my H, speak to him, or even just find out how he is.
How different from a year ago, when I had only just found out the extent of his involvement with OW.
He had just come back for the weekend from working away. He kept checking his phone. For some reason I asked him to give me his phone, but he wouldn't. I eventually pulled it off him and saw a text he'd written to her, saying 'I still love you'.
I asked him very calmly to explain. And he spent about 10 minutes staring at the floor.
What he then said was enough of the truth to satisfy himself, and enough of the truth for me to understand. I was devastated and hardly slept that night.
Anyway, hope that you're well and have some things that you can look forward to.
Today is the first day that I've woken up and felt reasonably OK.
I think one of the reasons is that I've managed to reach out to a few people over the past couple of weeks. Only one of them knows my H (although he knows him through me, and only very slightly). The others have never met him and don't really know anything about him.
And I've got a few social events lined up too. A mix of partying and chats over coffee.
I'm going to send out nothing but positivity and good vibes when I'm out and with other people. I've already seen and felt how this feeling comes back to me, multiplied. So I'm going to carry on with that approach.
Happy for you focus! Keep reaching out and keep working on yourself. I would love to be at your parties! Guess I will have to find one closer to home. I second your statement abut the good vibes coming back around to you. Not a big believer in karma but I have learned through my cancer that there are a lot of people who I have connected with over the years that poured out their hearts to me when I really needed it. Sadly my wife abandoned me when I was at my lowest point. I am now seeing it clearly however that if she could do it at that point then I really had nothing with her any way.
Ending on a happy note, I hope tomorrow brings a spring to your step and a smile to your face. God Bless you and thinking of you always.
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
