Judy, the day I moved out of my house I had 40 cents (canadian) left in my bank account. I was so angry and hurt that I had to suffer through all of it on my own. I held so much resentment towards my H for abandoning me when I needed him the most........then
I let it go! It was only hurting me. This was my here and now and I better make the most of it. I think my H felt the shift. I was excited about putting up my new bed, buying new living room furniture, enrolling in school. I was moving forward, because there is no going back. I'm going to continue moving forward and hopefully my H can catch up and keep up.
I know things look so bleak right now for you Judy, but I promise things will get better again. I do have to say, at my lowest I thought I would never climb out of this pit in hell, but I did. You will too!
You will get the funds to move out....seriously if you can gain access to any money, take it!!!! Enough for first and last. He can take it off equalization payment later. You need to heal. You can't do that with your H poking you with a stick any chance he can.
Please stay safe and ask for help. Your kids, your family, your friends. They will help you and we will always be here to listen and give our expert (or not so expert) opinions.
*hugs*
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
DI-mond, Just caught up with your current thread. Wow! You have gone so far in such a short time! You sound like you're doing really well and you're piecing with clear boundaries.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I'm having a horrible time sleeping the past week. Not really sure what is going on with me.
At least tonight I have something fun to do. I picked up an android box today and finally hooked up the big screen. Watching The new James Bond movie right now, tomorrow Star Wars. Loving the living room set up!!
Tomorrow I pick up a small dining table with two benches. Solid maple. Really sturdy. Yesterday I put up curtain rods and new drapes in my bedroom. I'm really starting to enjoy my space.
The dog loves running around in the freshly fallen snow outside our patio area. The cats have their squirrelavision by the patio door off the balcony. Life is good!
2 days completely smoke free and my Daughter signed up for a government quit smoking program that provides free nicotine replacement patches. She is ready to quit too.
My H texts me randomly, telling me he misses me and loves me. He has called me almost every day in the past week. He does get a bit quiet when I'm excited about things. Again I need to remind myself to listen more.
I miss him and pray for him every day. He sometimes seems to be depressed and down. I can't fix him! Gotta keep telling myself that. Not sure when I will see him next. I'm so busy getting things done around here that I can't really worry about it too much.
Well, time to watch some Soectre.
Gnight all!
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
Di-mond - thank you so much for your encouragement. I'm finally beginning to believe I'll be okay. I believe I have it in me to do what I need to do. That is HUGE! A few months ago, I was helpless and feeling lost.
Now, I have a loose plan, and am taking steps to make it a bit firmer, so that I can live the life I want. I'm still missing old H. New one wants to be "friends" - I'm not sure how I feel about that, truly. I told him friends don't treat one another as badly as he has treated me, and he had a fit. He doesn't think he's treated me badly.
I chalk that up to typical MLC craziness. He destroyed my family, hurt me and my children, lied to us all, and seems content in his new life. What do we need to be "friends" for? So that he can see the hurt on my face, and feed his ego with it.
I don't know. I'm not making a decision right now. I' wait until I'm on my own. My gut says "he's lost me". I know for sure he's lost me on any meaningful level. That man owes me apologies - big ones! I don't want to be a passenger on his MLC crazy-train. I'd rather quietly be doing my own thing, healing, getting better.
I do understand you missing someone to cheer you on. I believe you're doing fantastically well! I am so proud of you, and so happy for you. You give me hope.
Interesting week behind me. We had quite a bit of snowfall and a couple of ice storms in the last week. Wednesday I watched my son's girlfriends 5 year old during a snow day. Thursday he was sick with some kind of stomach bug and stayed home from school again. Needless to say I caught whatever he had. Upset tummy, nauseous, headache, sneezing. I took my mom to the hairdresser Friday morning and could barely keep my eyes open.
I'm still not feeling well, but I better get my butt in gear, I received my college course outlines Friday. I have to write 2 essays by the end of next week and participate in an online discussion board. I haven't written an essay in over 20 years. This should be interesting.
Monday I'm heading down to see my H and pick up the two college text books I need. He has been sick with a nasty cold this week too. I get a few texts a day, but really been too sick or too busy to think about it much. H did call me yesterday just to tell me he loves me. I guess that is a good sign. I do still feel slighted at times. I wish he would pay more attention to me, but it is what it is. I'm focusing hard on other things for now.
Di-mond in the rough M-45 H-38 My children S-25 D-23 T 5 M 4 H left April Fools Day 2015
