dday, attempting to find clarity

[dday]

Thanks fogg. I didn't know if numb is normal progress or more of a brain self preservation thing. Still don't like the feeling, but it may be healthier than where I had been

[Fogg]

I've felt the numb also, it was more when I really came to accept that life will never be the same and regardless of what happens its going to be a long road ahead. Reconciliation or divorcing, theres going to be alot of pain ahead and healing that needs to be done. I guess it is a bit of self preserving because it all seems impossible to overcome but time(lots of time) will help us through it all.

[mutatio]

Stay focused on the here and now. Dday, all there is, is now. Work on you in this moment. Be strong

[dday]

Thanks for the support guys. This is a tough time of year for this. I'm missing out on family traditions, and that makes me a bit bitter. Trying hard to let go though.

We can all do this, not our choices but we can make the best of it.

[tl2]

Is this what detachment will look like, feeling numb?

Detachment as I understand it is simply achieving enough personal growth that we give up the unhealthy attachments we have to our WAS so that it doesn't impact our mental state in a way that allows us to make desperate, unfruitful, or harmful decisions. It means accepting control of ourselves, and accepting that we can't control anything but our decisions and behaviors.

Just like in every area of life, if you're anything like me, your feelings will change a lot, but the goal is not to base your decisions solely on them or act obsessively/compulsively, but to do what is healthy, right, and what works.

[tl2]

yeah this is really a lousy time of year for this to be going on. Kids and I are putting up my tree tomorrow, then my W is coming next week to move her stuff out, then I'm signing the papers in a week or 10 days.

The two things I'm constantly telling myself:

1. If you're going through hell, keep going (Churchill)

2. Adapt or die.

[dday]

I still have a lot of bonds to W, but I am finally making decisions to better myself and kids. Like the D paperwork, I didn't roll over and let her have everything. She has had the papers for a week now, and hasn't mentioned them at all.

I feel more than ever that I am close to dropping this damned rope. I don't know what I have been waiting for. She isn't coming back anytime soon, if ever. (Sandi is right, it takes way longer than you think) Today, I know it's just today, I really don't miss her. I need to be that way more often. For my mental health.

Boys seem to be doing ok this weekend. Nobody cried yet. I miss them too. Poor guys don't deserve this mess.

But, it's her issues that are driving this now. Nothing I can do but pray for her to get happy with herself. I wish her the best. I'd like to be a part of that, but my existence doesn't hinge on that decision. (Not my decision anyway) I read somewhere that I am living the consequences of someone else's decision. Very true.

[mutatio]

You said "I'm missing out on family traditions, and that makes me a bit bitter".

Why don't you start some new family traditions, just you and the boys.

Eat life Dday, don't let life eat you!

[dday]

Well mu, I have my own elf on the shelf now. We have a Christmas tree made of lights on the wall, and the kids think it's awesome. Not really much else planned, but I am open to suggestions.

Every year, I lift one of the boys up and they put the angel on the top of the tree. I asked them who did it this year, and they said mommy. Kinda seemed disappointed

[Dawgs]

Hi DDay!

But, it's her issues that are driving this now. Nothing I can do but pray for her to get happy with herself. I wish her the best. I'd like to be a part of that, but my existence doesn't hinge on that decision. (Not my decision anyway) I read somewhere that I am living the consequences of someone else's decision. Very true.

Did I ever mention that we are in the same boat? Move over, cause I am right there with you! Interesting revelations from the W - and my own observations - are showing me that my W has so much to overcome before I think she even will attempt to give us another go, if she ever does... I, too, am also living the consequences of someone else's decision. [censored].