Thank you for your support pho, pigpen, Vanilla and ep0215. I have been thinking what Azzork and pho posted earlier in this thread and it gave me pause. I decided to look online for something for my wife. Not 10 minutes later I found something I loved and bought it for my wife. I wanted to, I thought long and hard and I wanted to.
V, I will follow your advice and give the friend gift to her as soon as I can. I tried to start today but life got in the way.
That is why you are a better man than me (besides the fact I am not a man). I got my H a Chia head! But every time I think about him opening it, I laugh my tush off
The point is, the gift should make you feel good. It no longer matters if they feel good. They will feel however they choose to feel.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Thanks Mona. I woke up an hour early and couldn't fall back asleep. I was thinking about how my wife won't talk to me. She said once last spring that she just doesn't have anything to say to me. What hurts is that she won't even make an effort to try.
I have been looking at different things I could do if this marriage ends in divorce and they all amount to running away. I can't run away from myself. I am struggling to maintain my PMA.
Mutatio, you are a good man. You don't need to run away. You and I both need to find ways to cope, but running away won't help. Just prolongs pain. I always avoided everything, so this is one of my 180s.
Keep moving forward
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
I don't have the time to reread your threads but I have few questions that I was wondering about. Just so I understand better your si.Sorry if it is repeating something already covered.
Firstly how is your W in general?Is she happy, depressed,eetc?Is her life good? Does she GAL a lot? Does she moop around the house? Is she negative or positive in general (a part from interactions with you).?
In your opinion or her words why is she still there?
How do you act around her? Are you silently churning everything in your head or are you actively present?
You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. Enduring this situation would have many reaching for a bottle to get through.No matter how bad, you have kept dry. That shows character.
A lot of what you say here shows strength and character. I don't think that you want to run away but rather turn the page. It is understandable and normal.
Regarding interactions with W, is there something you can do to change the dynamics. After repeated subjection of such interaction it is normal to assume nothing can change it. And you don't want to force or pressure it. But don't assume......ttry something different.
My real advice for you now, is to choose some really special and challenging gifts to make for your kids (and maybe something for you) and concentrate on that. Give it your all.... time, effort, heart and especially focus.
Hearing your pain I am not convinced that divorce is worse than continuing as is. We bare it as a passage to something better.Thus is not as good as it gets
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Thanks dday and roiste for the support. I think I may be floundering due to lack of goals. I'll give that some today.
roiste, I try to do this fast, clock is ticking.
how is your W in general?Is she happy, depressed,eetc?Is her life good? Does she GAL a lot? Does she moop around the house? Is she negative or positive in general (a part from interactions with you).?
She enjoys her work. She shifted her hours to work with manager 9-10 am to 7-8 pm. Partially for work, partially to avoid me. Seems down at home, perks up some with kids but not enthusiastically happy. Her life is okay, she works at home on line, surfs web, reads and watches tv. She retreats to her room after dinner and maybe a little kid hanging out. Nothing like before. She does not GAL most of the time, occasionally she will have dinner with girl friends, maybe once every 3-4 months. Mope's around house, not really but seems down and stays to herself a lot.She used to be positive, now neutral to a slight bit negative.
In your opinion or her words why is she still there?
I said I'm not going anywhere till youngest graduates high school in 2 1/2 years and she could move out if she wanted. She said days later I would not leave you alone with kids. I think that she really agreed with me but would not admit it.
How do you act around her? Are you silently churning everything in your head or are you actively present?
I say good morning each day. Other then that I do not speak to her unless she speaks to me first. She does not share anything other then household management. I am silently churning everything in my head.
Is there something you can do to change the dynamics?
Not sure, any recommendations.
I do not want to divorce. I want my wife back. I think I need to engage her, get her talking to me. Help me please.
