I thought my wifi had been disconnected, but it's still on until tomorrow, so here I am! Unfortunately, wi-fe has been disconnected for eight months.
So, move going OK so far. I've managed to get through Ł550 at IKEA just getting the essentials for a new home. I'd forgotten how much all this stuff costs. Back at MH tonight. W asked me to do a run to the dump this morning. I said I couldn't promise as I don't know what my day would bring and she went in to a spew fit about it. Funnily, it's become 'our' stuff again, when it needs to go to the dump and re-becomes 'my' stuff when W wants to claim it. Never mind, moving ahead.
RD, yes I remember our conversation in July time. I think I was in crisis mode at that point and would have cut off my right arm to keep W. That's the biggest thing for newbies to learn; it doesn't matter what you do, YOU can't make it better. Only if your W/H actually wants to be part of the process can you have meaningful R talks. If they aren't engaged, you might as well go and talk to the toilet. In fact, you'd probably have a more genial conversation with the porcelain.
Eight months seems like a long time. Where will it end up? Don't know, but I've stopped trying to get my W focused back on the M - it's a no go at the moment. So, for now, I'm concentrating on me and my kids. The crunch will come in four months time when W can legally go for a divorce. It has not been mentioned for months but, unlike in the summer, I'm not wringing my brow every few seconds panicking about it. Getting yourself under control is another key to not becoming a quivering wreck.
It's been a hard slog getting here and if you've read any of the 15 former pages of this thread, well, thanks for sticking with me. One thing I've not been proud about, though, is thinking of ending it all at the start of the process. Frankly, It's embarrassing now and childish. But, that's how down I felt - thinking life couldn't get any worse. It probably will, it might even get better, but at least I'm still fighting!
Last edited by Huddy; 12/02/1505:14 PM.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
One thing I've not been proud about, though, is thinking of ending it all at the start of the process. Frankly, It's embarrassing now and childish. But, that's how down I felt - thinking life couldn't get any worse. It probably will, it might even get better, but at least I'm still fighting!
Glad we could talk you down from the ledge.
I remember in the early days, I thought about veering into an incoming truck. I thought about driving off a bridge. I thought all kinds of stuff would just end it.
But Im glad I didnt. My life is too valuable to waste on XW.
It's been a hard slog getting here and if you've read any of the 15 former pages of this thread, well, thanks for sticking with me. One thing I've not been proud about, though, is thinking of ending it all at the start of the process. Frankly, It's embarrassing now and childish. But, that's how down I felt - thinking life couldn't get any worse. It probably will, it might even get better, but at least I'm still fighting!
That's good to hear. Your welcome buddy. She's not worth ending it. Nothing is. Your kids still need a dad. Thankfully they now have a strong confident dad.
Well done that man.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
lol, I did the same with IKEA. I have a bucket full of extra parts and allen wrenches. Most of my apartment I just bought new, didn't take much from old place. Im really happy with the apartment, Its mine and I can do whatever I want with it. I also don't have the constant reminders of the things we shared together starting me in the face everyday. Being so codependent before this I dreaded living apart but its nothing like I imagined. I now sleep naked and just don't care(contributes to good sleep and awesome dreams), W would get pissy with me if I tried that in the past thinking I was just "trying to get some". To much information?
Agree with the others, nothing is worth ending it. I had the same thoughts in the beginning and if not for my kids I would have gotten much closer to doing it than I feel comfortable thinking about. Glad you let that pressure shape you into a new man instead of letting it consume you, its pretty awesome
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
So, all moved in and I'm wrecked. However, I have been invited out for a GAL event tonight, so I'm off soon.
W has been moved temporarily in to B&B accommodation until Monday when she will be placed in temporary housing. My SD said that W got quite upset yesterday, but I guess this is for her own situation, not the M.
However, due to the restrictions imposed on her, I have taken in some of her stuff and she will be doing her washing here for a couple of days. I know it's probably not, strictly, dropping the rope, but I'm not going to let her sit in squalor. Views welcome on this.
W has also asked me to go round for Christmas (which she then added 'you know, for the kids'). Again, I said that would be nice. Don't know if this is the way I should be progressing, but W has been the most talkative, laughing at my jokes etc. in the past eight months.
It is what it is right now. The kids stayed with me last night and SD has fled to her boyfriends to avoid the B&B. The kids are already complaining about not being with me. W has agreed to let the kids stay each weekend. This is a surprising development in the past two weeks.
So, off for my GAL activity and I'm OK. I guess we'll see how it goes, but I don't think the reality has hit her just yet. The bird has flown; let's see if she returns.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Huddy I am watching your thread and you truly are an inspiration
I fear being alone and it was interesting reading foggs response about doing what he wants to do I am also very codependent
I have thought about ending things but as said this is crazy giving your W or EW so much power and control my children want their dad and I will be the best dad that I can be ...we all will .
Huddy my thoughts are with you must have been nice having the kids with you
Take care
Ghost
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Hi Huddy , your sounding really positive and that's great to read. Your a poster boy for dealing with all this cr@p
Letting W use your place for essentials is , for me, fine. She's the mother of your kids and you've shown detachment like a pro
There is an end game to all this , Huddy to be happy and hopefully for the Huddy family to be together. You seem well on your way to part one and part two is out of your control
Well, that's probably been the first time I've been called a poster boy! Ha, ha!
Ghost, this next bit is really for you.
I look at it like this; I couldn't control what was going on. I tried and realised it was actually making things worse. Yes, I was sometimes a bit like Ghost is at the moment - desperately clinging to the hope my W would see how much hurt she was causing, and would return.
One day (actually, after a face to face with NDY) and listening to Rd and Azzork (amongst others), I actually just decided to give up the fighting and go with it. I think it's referred to as dropping the fear. It was gonna happen, so embrace and go for positivity. It's the only way. That fear will kill you. It's going to happen, so, let it, and see what happens.
As for me, W has been at my flat every day since we moved out. Most of this is due to the restrictions placed on her B&B. She needs clothes to wear, the kids need clothes and she needed facilities. If she's ever going to return, you have to let something's just happen, as if it's a normal day. In return, W has been chatty, friendly and positive herself. I've got guarantees about seeing the kids and she's not pursuing me for a D. I don't beg, plead or look sad.
W has been to see her new temporary accommodation, which she moves in to today. In her words 'it's grim'. It was difficult not to say beggars can't be choosers, but even now, sometimes, you just have to have a drink on a STFU smoothie! She's called today about having no money. I wasn't nasty or harsh, but reminded her that she had her own credit card and that she'd have to manage herself. You could hear the fright in her voice, but, the bird has to see how hard catching the worm is. Of course, I have provided food etc. for the kids until she gets herself together.
Early days, but it's OK!
My confidence has returned and the way W has started to react towards me has started to change. It's not easy
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
W came around again tonight with all the kids. Her temporary housing has no gas supply today, so the kids all had baths/showers here. W also had a shower and I made sure everyone had a hot meal. W assures me the gas will be on tomorrow.
Well, I hope so as I'm off to France for work for three days. W seemed OK and has been very pleasant again. I also got an invite to see her new flat, but I declined for now.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
