All of us here have either been in your shoes or are still in your shoes. I'm going to give you the advice I need to give myself right now.
You are strong and can do this. Not just for yourself but for your children. But mostly for yourself.
Azz had some great things to say up there. Read and reflect about what you can do to cultivate your own happiness and stop doing things that steer you away from that path. Just as your wife is on her own path, so are you. Choose the destination you want to journey toward and focus on that.
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
You just make a choice and do it. There is no secret aside from forcing yourself to not go there. Like any other activity/habit/muscle...the more you do it, the easier it gets to do.
I suspect that if you're anything like me, you're making excuses re: "don't know how to do that". It's not about not knowing how.
I'm guessing (just guessing!) that the truth is more like, You don't want to let go, therefore you're not.
Again, not trying to be harsh...but I've been there/done that so I know how it hurts and how it feels.
Thanks guys. I will check out meetup stuff, never heard of it until I got here. All of OUR friends are married, and since this have kinda shunned both of us. I am not blaming, just saying. I am very scared that she won't come back, that is true. But I don't think that getting a life will prevent that in the least. It may even help. I will do some looking. At least you all have my mind going in a different direction now.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Well, I am getting off work at a decent time today. I'm gonna go get a haircut, and let the barber/stylist do whatever they think would look good. A new look may do me some good.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Dday, nothing new to add, just catching up on your thread and want to say I am in the same position. Trying very hard to detach. I had it the other day, several hours where I was just so detached, and it was the best feeling. Since then the attachment has crept back in, but not yet to the point where it was before. I think it is a process and it takes time, so don't be so hard on yourself. Sounds like you are off to a good start. Be well!
Thanks pho. I haven't yet gotten to the point that I don't wonder what her response will be to xyz. I need to get there, and I know it. I feel closer to it, but still can't get my hands on it. Doing the D paperwork has moved it closer though.
Can someone do some voodoo thing on me so I can drop this dang rope! I would love to have a day of normal thoughts!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Went and saw my IC today. We did our usual gut-check: am I handling things better than I was three or four weeks ago? From my perspective and his.
So that's my question for you...are you doing better than 4 weeks ago? If not, prob need to figure out why.
The pain and anger and stuff isn't going to go away anytime soon. The question is...how best to deal with it constructively for oneself and the kids, and how best to keep from using it as an excuse to say and do things we know don't work.
Tl2, better than 4 weeks ago...no. Better than last week, yes. 2 weeks ago I thought things were getting better, expectations right? Then I got another bd. Since then pma has sucked. Now, went and got my haircut, had a peptalk from a buddy at work (afterwords I started whistling a song). Have dinner plans with sis tomorrow (her H just called and invited me), and cousin just invites me to go to a ballgame with them at the school. So I am cleaned, fed, and ready to go. It will be good to go see everyone and not have W there. Kinda weirdly excited. Ic tomorrow night too. Boys Thursday thru Sunday at church, then off to DC to go fishing and sightseeing. Week is shaping up well
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
