I asked questions, but to be honest I forgot to validate. I did a bit but I think I also got into telling him he shouldn't let it get him that stressed and that he should leave work at work.. Hmmm maybe that was a bad move!!
Baby is doing good, only thing is he seems to be picking up on the goings on- he is so unbelievably clingy to me, and when h comes near him he just says mama and comes back to me.
I really need to try and re read all of dr and db. I just feel I have so much to juggle and I don't seem to have a minute to me..
Working on making me happy, I really need to dig deeper into my soul and work it out
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Cherry, i had a big post for you but lost.it. i will try to recreate this week.
For now though...could you please list for us what you are actively doing for You...Gal, self love, making time for relaxation. Lets dig in here to see if you can find some more room for you. A 1.5 year old and 25 year old toddler makes this hard, we know...but you really do need to get some more slef love for you.
We can work on goals and 180s in the upcommung weeks, but lets start with Cherry!!!
To be honest, there's a lot I could do.. I try to meet up with my girls and go out, but that doesn't happen to often. I take baby out, I'm learning to drive and I'm starting a new exercise class.
Other than that I am busy trying to care for family, and be a carer for my sick mil. As well as working 30 hours a week.
Some times I want to run
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
H has gone out, no kiss goodbye- no loves you. On the advise I was given the other day, I would have said this- today I haven't. I've had no conversation neither. I've gone about my business and looked after baby.
In a way I feel numb, and in a way- I want to ball my eyes out.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Last night, I was tempted to throw it in. He gets in touch while out and suggests maybe when he gets back if I'm awake still we can catch a movie.
I took this angrily. I don't think I directly let him see this. And I probably shouldn't have took it angrily. It just made me feel like I was second best.
Anger really got to me, so much so I thought I don't deserve this. I kept my cool- I got baby to sleep and got myself calm.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Hi Cherry, Sorry to hear abput what you're going through.
The vets here are wise.
And what they say about making decisions in anger/fear is true - don't make them. I am a poster girl for making decisions in anger - regretted every single one of them.
On the spur of the moment, things may seem bad. But after the heat of the moment, they usually do seem better. Even if they don't, at least you will be in a better position to deal with them.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Why would you get angry that he would try to make time with you to see a movie? Is it really just because you feel second best that he was out already?
You shouldn't be taking anything hes doing personal. I understand how hard that is, but its the truth and accepting it will help greatly in dealing with things. Hes depressed because of his own issues, not you. Hes going out, not kissing you bye, being silent, etc, because of him, not Cherry. Even if he came home and was giving you the silent treatment or yelling and pissed at you and said the reason hes unhappy is that hes married to you, it wouldn't be true. It would be about him.
Anger is a secondary emotion and usually deals with pain or fear inside us but comes out as anger. You have said before you're scared about going through this again and I can completely understand that but anger wont be your friend if you let if control you. I'm sure you still have a great deal of pain from his A also and since hes not doing the work to fix it (since hes still dealing with himself) its going to continue being a source of pain for you for some time.
Ill be honest also, I don't think you throwing in the towel and moving on will solve that pain or let go of that fear. I understand you want this to end, that's a very common feeling for many of us and I feel it also, but we don't get the option for this to fix itself on our timeline. We do have the option to end it and move on. The pain wont stop right then, it will still go on for some time also.
Cherry, you're an amazing woman and a strong mother/wife who has been through a great deal of pain this year. I'm sorry you're still going through this.
So, to help for now lets try and recognize everything he does is not because of you but because of him and try not to take what hes doing personally. To get our minds off that pain we can do at least two things. The first is to experience it when it comes up and not push it away or avoid it. The feelings will come out one way or another, we just need to try and not dwell in them or let them consume/control us. The next is to fill our days with GAL and things we enjoy so that we can replace the negative thoughts in our minds with positive ones. We cant remove the thoughts about our sitch from our mind but we can replace them through GAL.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Thanks both for the wise words- fogg you are so right. This is still all him and I honestly do need to accept that. I wish he would realise this.
Hindsight says I was wrong to feel so angry, and I think the reason was I felt like I was second best. I should be great full for the gesture of actually spending time with me.
Today we have silence, joy. I have plenty to do so going to throw on some music and sing my heart out
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Hmm another silent night, no conversation.. An odd grunt..
I guess I haven't had as many dirty looks so there is a positive. I think I need some goals, I need something to jump start him a little!! It's hard when life is so busy, I work a 11 hour day and juggle a family.. Thinking about starting a new exercise class, I think it would help me.
Trying to be more social, I was always the life and soul of every place- everyone knew and loved me.. The past few years I've just focused on head down and trying not to get noticed.. A lot of women have bullied me in the past or just been rude to me because of the way I look.. I'm told it's jealousy , but I don't see this beauty others do. This is why one of my goals is to look in the mirror and see the pretty girl that everyone else seems to. I figure if I can't love me, who can. And I can't be right for someone else if I'm not right for me.
I am going to hold my head up high. And I SHALL be confident
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
