Striving to keep the peace within

[mleigh4]

Hey Bright. I am in Gilroy, which is near San Jose. Cali is more Southern CA. Which are you close to?

[BrightFuture]

Oh, for some reason I though you are in SoCal. I'm in Southern CA. I've been to Gilroy and San Jose.

[ciluzen]

I want to add to my post above...yes I am furious with H, with his family, with his genes, with whatever brought this madness on that has affected so many people...me, my son, our families and friends, co-workers, so many...

I also am aware that I am pretty sure this isn't easy on H either. I am not happy about splitting Thanksgiving but it's my choice to do this as it feels the right thing to do right now, and I will go through this with compassion and respect for H. I will stay friendly and wish him a nice day. I will continue to stand firm on my personal boundaries while keeping the door open and light on. I still love my H and I hope he knows I am still here for him.

I know many of us here will have struggles this week. Let's keep our hearts open and chins up, stay strong and try to remember that our spouse is in crisis. Who knows where we may be this time next year. Let's continue learning and living.

Many hugs to you all

This is great, MLeigh. I'm sure many of us are thankful for this very healthy perspective on our spouse's MLC crisis. We all go through anger,sadness, confusion, and pain. But its nice to be reminded that this is a painful and confusing process for them, as well, and we love them still.

I'll take those hugs, (along with your words of wisdom) if you don't mind, and send many more back to you! Enjoy this new version of your holidays!

[tfish08]

We just moved from San Clemente to Texas...big change. I miss my socal.

[mleigh4]

Hello all and Happy Thanksgiving.

I just dropped off my son with H. S and I had a great start to our day with a big breakfast. S is not happy to have had to leave and is not happy to be going to FIL but we are looking forward to our own meal together tomorrow.

Not much to update on H other then he seems to be in a real confused state lately. Interaction and trying to coordinate things with him this last week have been truly exhausting. He also has been having those moments of a bunch of chit chat texting, then back to total silence.

This morning I got the Happy Thanksgiving and the last minute invite to his dad's, he said he wanted to make sure I knew I was welcome to go. I started out with a Happy Thanksgiving back and a thanks but I already made plans. I also added a truth dart that of course I did not think I was invited. That when I had asked him about the holiday all I got was silence. Then told him what time I could have son over to him. I had to say something, nothing he has said recently was an invite with them, but I kept it light and friendly.

He said he was sorry, that he did not remember me asking if I could go but that he would have told me I was welcome to go.

I clarified, no I never asked to go, I asked his thoughts on how to spend the holiday and got nothing...

And once again, I got nothing. It's like talking to a rock, there is just nothing there. So I dropped off S, we were both very friendly. I told S to save some room in his tummy for tomorrow. H asked me what is tomorrow? I said, it's my Thanksgiving meal with S. He looked so dang confused you guys.

I told him all of this by text when we set the plans. I truly don't know how he is functioning at work because what little I deal with him, he seems totally out of it. I really believe he is confused about why the day has been split and why we are doing things separate. I think he truly believed everything was going to go down like normal. The look of confusion on his face said it all. I have no words for it really other than it is just so bizarre. It's like he doesn't understand what is happening or why.

I am heading to my friends ranch now for dinner, wine and board games. I am so looking forward to it, I even get to bring my dog! We will see how tomorrow goes. I still feel pangs of guilt for not inviting H to me and S Thanksgiving feast tomorrow, but I think S and I are better off doing it alone.

I hope you all have love in your lives today. Enjoy

[job]

They actually compartmentalize things and that's how they are able to function at work in most cases. Their brains are a mess right now and until things settle down for them, the wires tend to be crossed all over the place.

I do hope that your time w/friends was a pleasant one and today, you get to have dinner w/your son. He will be happy to be home, w/mom and his fur babies and a nice meal.

Enjoy your day!

[mleigh4]

Hi Job, I always love hearing from you and hope you had a nice Thanksgiving. Thank you for the explanation. I often wonder how he functions at work because when dealing with me he has no sense of time and doesn't seem to comprehend things well.

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving last night. My friends ranch house is beautiful, my dog had a blast running around.

H TM this morning that he was heading son over soon and asked me if I was making prime rib. Yep, I think you and others are right, he wants an invite. He also asked about switching his night with son from Saturday night to Sunday night because some last minute plans came up. I did not really give him an answer to either question, just said see you guys soon.

Here is where I need some advise. I have plans to go to a cookie party tomorrow night. However, I have been feeling really tired, like I am fighting a bug, and would actually rather just stay home with son. BUT, do I let H just do a last minute switch like that???

When he got here, he went straight to the kitchen, saw the prime rib sitting in the sink, pointed at it and said "I knew it!" I laughed, told him yes I am making prime rib, that my friend and husband got wind of it too and are now joining son and I for dinner, I told him you are welcome if you want....I felt kind of put on the spot to be honest, but he said no, wasn't big enough to feed everyone...which is true. I got a small one thinking it would just be S and I.

He again asked about switching nights, I told him my plans are a bit hard to get out of and said he should have let me know sooner. He said he knows, the plans just came up today. Of course he did not tell me what they are. I said I don't know, I really don't have time to think about it right now but will let him know...ya...I am just putting him off. So he pushed, asked if my plans are for late or if he could have his mom watch S and I could pick him up after my plans. I told him maybe, I don't know, will let him know...

Truth? I would love to stay home and have a quiet night with S, especially now that I am having friends over tonight...but I also feel H should learn his responsibilities and life as a single dad...although his enabling mother will bail him out, but I know S would rather be at home...if I cancel my plans, I am doing it for S not for H....

Advice??

[job]

If you don't feel up to going tomorrow night, then don't. However, if you want to go, then go. Your h needs to learn to coordinate time w/you earlier rather than at the last minute. His mother could watch your son until you are ready to come home/pick him up.

Tomorrow may give you the answer you are searching for because you may be coming down w/something and then you'll most likely stay at home w/your son.

[mleigh4]

I figured it out. My son is going to have dinner and tree decorating with his BFF. H can do his thing and I can do the cookie party for a couple of hours, (if I feel up to it) then pick up S and bring him home with me. I also told H that since I won't really be with S much tomorrow night, I still want my Sunday night with him. No switch.

I took care of a problem for H that was really his problem. I guess I am not much better than his enabling mother. But I did it for S. He does not want to go to his grannies for the night, and I don't really like him over there anyway with her a$$ husband, and I would have been thinking about that all night and not enjoyed myself. This works out for everyone and S will have a great time

Yay mommy!

[job]

I'm very happy to read that everything is sorted out and both you and your son can go somewhere and enjoy yourselves.

Have fun!