do nothing or what

[roist]

Happy 20th anniversary together today...... well not so much happy.

I'm all over the place. Every time I advance personally I seem to get dragged back down. Saving my M is still top of my wish list but saving me is my priority.

I think I am relatively detached from the outcome but not from the situation. I am reflecting hard on my path forward. I have prepared some stuff should I wish to confront W on EA. It is so boderline what you would expect from normal good friends and my proof is just an inappropriate email exchange but nothing stronger. I am following isittoolate's situation closely and finding the advice good.

I have also found a super thread here where the concept of doing nothing is really explained. There is good logic in it too.

I am already having a hard time of holding it together, so I am hoping to hold off on acting until after Christmas. This is my pressie to my sons: a family Christmas together. But if I come across some harder proof of EA...........

Life's other stresses seem to be lining up to take shots at me lately. I don't see how just yet but I know I will get through all of this and all will be better.II am convinced 2016 will be my year.

My IC advises strongly to just talk with W and take it from there. She does not believe W really wants to leave, based on my ramblings of the situation.II have another session booked to release my stress and frus5ration.

[roist]

Happy 20th anniversary together today...... well not so much happy.

I'm all over the place. Every time I advance personally I seem to get dragged back down. Saving my M is still top of my wish list but saving me is my priority.

I think I am relatively detached from the outcome but not from the situation. I am reflecting hard on my path forward. I have prepared some stuff should I wish to confront W on EA. It is so boderline what you would expect from normal good friends and my proof is just an inappropriate email exchange but nothing stronger. I am following isittoolate's situation closely and finding the advice good.

I have also found a super thread here where the concept of doing nothing is really explained. There is good logic in it too.

I am already having a hard time of holding it together, so I am hoping to hold off on acting until after Christmas. This is my pressie to my sons: a family Christmas together. But if I come across some harder proof of EA...........

Life's other stresses seem to be lining up to take shots at me lately. I don't see how just yet but I know I will get through all of this and all will be better.II am convinced 2016 will be my year.

My IC advises strongly to just talk with W and take it from there. She does not believe W really wants to leave, based on my ramblings of the situation.II have another session booked to release my stress and frus5ration.

[roist]

Just lost a message but basically I wanted to wish all readers a happy thanksgiving and how important it is to appreciate the good aspects of our life.

Thanks DB friends

[Zephyr]

Hey roiste, just thinking about you!

I hope you are getting out and getting some YOU time!

I know that you have been focusing so much energy on this EA/potential thing (you know i do), which can be consuming and detrimental to your health, your career, pma...consider ramping up your efforts towards your getting out and enjoying things.

They call this the holiday season...try to make some connections, meet a colleague for a drink, watch a sporting event, concert, play, SOMETHING TO GET YOU OUT OF THE PHUCKING HOUSE AND JUST DO FOR YOURSELF!

ok???

[Mowgli]

Hope you're doing okay, bud!

[Zephyr]

Hey roiste, i hope you are well!

[roist]

Thanks for checking in guys.

I'm OK .......I guess. I'm sleeping slightly better but not every night. I'm concentrating when at work, I'm exercising and i'm enjoying time with my sons more and more.

I am trying to put M situation on the back burner for awhile and concentrate on other stuff. A few weeks ago I was a mess and felt I had no choice but to act (reACT). I don't have to do anything I don't want to do or anything that does not serve me. So I am cake eating, until my path clears.

I think I have had enough of the status quo. I have not decided what my next move is. But I am going to make the most of Christmas.Sfterwards we'll see.

I am conflicted between LBS and WAS thinking.Honestly if my W just dissappeared and life went on as normal in the house would be fine with me. The dream of every WAS. I also want a fulfilling loving R with W.The dream of every LBS.

I am only threading water at the moment but frankly that is not a bad achievement.

[mutatio]

I'm trying to make it through the holidays also. There's some GAL things I want to do but the holidays is busy this time of year. It is sometimes necessary to sit, look at the map and think before moving down the path. Pause and reflect roiste, you future will come to you

[roist]

Slowly but surely i have been distancing myself from my W. Simetimes i am busy, other times i need headspace and other times i juste dont like being there and not being able to be a normal couple.I don't think that I have been cold. So I guess I am within the guidelines here.

I am getting out, meeting people and slowly getting a life.
BBut mostly I am at the house. So is W. Neither of us is moving in any direction.

My IC thinks I am at a decision phase where I have more or less decided enough is enough. She thinks I need to talk to W. I have that urge too. I don't want to talk to get her to stay. More so to say that our current situation is not sustainable.I don't want to pressure her to stay or to leave. Michele said recently that before giving up you should express yourself to your spouse.

Many say actions speak louder than words. I am trying to move on and show that I'll be OK.

I have also contacted the guy who's program I bought before I found Michelle. He gave some tips. Also asked me to work on getting excited about a future without W. ..... basically get past fears and embrace how much better it potentially could be. I guess this is mentally preparation for moving on. When I am in a good place about that, he suggests talkingto W.

My path seems to be leading me to talk to W. I am on this site as I have chosen it as my guide, so please guide me.

All sources of info tell me to work on me, take pressure off W and to give it time. This I am doing.

Cadet, txhubby, sandi, azork..... ..... and anyone else reading this I would appreciate your input/views/comments
I know what I need to work on for me. I just not sure what way to be with W .
I can't even decide if I should get her something for Christmas this year. I want to be a good husband so I want to. I also don't want to because of where we are. Being indecisive is one of my traits to change next year.

[mutatio]

I flip back and forth on talking to wife. Her actions indicate she not interested or not ready so I will wait some more. I bought a gift for her for Christmas. I wanted to after going in circles for days. All I know about myself is that when I'm ready I take action. I'm sorry if this rambles, I've gotten 9 hours sleep in the last two days and I'm pre-coffee now