If she is serious about saving the M, instead of the usual "I'll try and see where it goes", then the couple should take it slowly. Give her time to get through withdrawals. Nobody can put it is time frame. Understood
The man's goal is usually physical intimacy. The woman's goal is usually emotional intimacy. For a woman, when her emotionally intimacy is fulfilled, the physical is the icing on the cake. If men only understood they when they start at the right end.......then they get the cake, icing, and ice cream! Come on spill the beans.... how do we start at the right end (for dummies)
I really believe there is one way to measure her physical desire. It's how she responds to the H's kiss. The more passionate her kiss, the more her "heart" is into him. Many waive has tolerated sex, and hardly even give as much as peck during the entire act. But if she's into "him".........wanting him.......it will show in how she responds to his kisses, and/or initiates them herself. Understood but not all women are hot french kissers. And as you know some are just not into sex so much less of the hot steamy type. Though I agree ... as Cher said ... its in the kiss.
I think I just figured out that I am a man and my H is a woman. We fit the exact roles/patterns Sandi described but for the opposite genders.
My H will barely kiss me. I noticed his lack of kissing about a month before BD and there was only one time since then that I felt a genuine kiss. I get a peck on the cheek or a very passionless, "holding back" kind of kiss if we are doing it. It kind of ruins it.
I think I just figured out that I am a man and my H is a woman. We fit the exact roles/patterns Sandi described but for the opposite genders.
My H will barely kiss me. I noticed his lack of kissing about a month before BD and there was only one time since then that I felt a genuine kiss. I get a peck on the cheek or a very passionless, "holding back" kind of kiss if we are doing it. It kind of ruins it.
LOL
Pho, I noticed that too... I am the man and she the woman. In my case I dont need a strap on.
Come on spill the beans.... how do we start at the right end (for dummies)
Just as a reminder for anyone who stumbles across this post, we are talking about a couple who have reconciled and the A has ended........and all that good stuff.
To answer your question, one thing is knowing her LL and using it. Also, very importantly, do not let those walls build up. Make time for one on one, in private. No, not about the kids or tomorrow's agenda, or even about the job (however, for some of us, the venting can help release built up stress). I believe in "pillow talk" b/c it's not about the practicals of life. It is the cooing and flirting, sexy admiration, referring about times she drove you crazy when you were dating her, a special memory of her, (or something similar she may like to hear), being playful, cuddling, kissing, etc. The LL helps to prep her throughout the day, and once in bed.......it's time for emotional connection and lead up to physical connection, then taper off with more emotional. Here's the the thing, guys....do not act as if having sex is your goal. Unless she has given you very definite signals before bedtime that the two of you will have sex, then just plan on doing the other things. If it ends in sex, great! If not, think of it as you installing love units for a later date.......if that helps. . I have actually heard men discussing it and say that if knew it would not lead to sex, they would not be bothered with doing the other things. I think that is one of the most selfish and unlovable things a H could say. I know, I'm not a man. I am a woman, and I can tell ya......that attitude will not fly with her. You are suppose to be showing the love of your life that you want this closeness with her, whether or not it ends in having sex. I am saying that if she is not exhausted, sick, or disturbed about something else, she'll be in the mood a lot more often. Btw, please take into account that women do experience fatigue more easily than men, and they are much more distracted during sex (crying baby, mother-in-law across the hall, teenager is still out, bills haven't been paid, how to buy Christmas, .....the list is endless). My H use to complain that everything had to be perfect before I could enjoy sex. Pretty close! We just aren't made the way you men are.
If her LL is physical, then you would not wait until the day you wanted to have sex......and then start grabbing her a$$ when she walked by, or walk up behind her to fondle her. Wome need the other types of touching before a man starts out with fondling, IMO. Also, she needs it on a more consistent bases, just like you want to have meals consistently. Otherwise, little bits of resentment can sneak in and bricks start going up, if not on a consistent level.
Men can be way too obvious when they wait to the day or night to start the sweet talk, bring a gift, do some type of job for her........then "expect" her ready to fall into his arms when they go to bed. Although they are M, she still desires to be courted! He doesn't have to take her out to an expensive restaurant and buy roses to romance her. It's his attitude and the way he makes her feel special that keeps this romance and courtship alive in her. Whatever brightens her face, look deep and dreamily into his eyes, smile sweetly, and look at him with adoring eyes.........that's what he needs to do all the time. It keeps her spirit warm and fills her soul. It doesn't really take that much work, but it does take a little effort. Sometimes, it takes only a little special attention, and listening as though you really care. That turns on quite a few women. Just look at her when she talks!
Little things like reaching to touch the side of her face, giving her a win, smelling her hair, kiss her nose, nibble below her ear, kiss behind her neck, kiss her hand, kiss her eyeslashes, trace her facial features with your index finger, and touch the small f her back. These are some of the little touches to give her throughout every week. If PT is her LL, do more thought the day. If WOA is her LL, she'll need verbal encouragement, build up her self-esteem, learn various ways to compliment her looks and the things she does.
If works of service is it, get various idea from google the little things that make her day.DO NOT start doing all the work at home. This isn't WOS. If she,oves gifts, don't try to buy expensive stuff. Find little things that can't be wrapped. Stop and pick a daisy, or something that says, "this made me think of you".
Guys know how to pursue the gal they want to date. He gets into full focus if he's trying to win her. If he discovers she's with another guy, he wants to pursue even harder. For some reason, many men think that once they are M, they don't have to woo her anymore. The wise man would always make her feel beautiful and special with his words, the way he looks at her, the little things that tell her she's still his girl, flirt with her, being playful, and planning special dates without depending on her to do it. These are the thing he does throughout the week..........and act as if sex was the last thing on his mind.........but he won't turn it down, right? Women just don't like to be "set up" for sex. Know what mean? "Prepare throughout the day" is what we've all heard. However, I say that when a couple has sex, should start the next day, making love to her (not sex) until the next time they have physical intimacy.
Men have to know what makes their W tick. What gets her excited out of bed, as well as in bed. I could go on with this forever, but it's getting too long. I hope I answered some of your question.
Oh, and about the hot French kissers.......well I don't like to start out with the hot and heavy French kissing. But get me hot enough and then I become like a gal from France! Maybe you are jumping in a bit too early for her. Save it till she can't stand it another second. Here's a hint.......if she really hates it, then don't continue to believe she'll come across. Just kiss her the way she likes it, b/c trust me, if you contnue to push the french kissing....she will resent it so much.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, I must be way too easy. I will follow your advice for guys. I will have pillow talk and cuddle time. H will love that. I will get back to you and tell you if that works.
Edited to add: I am not going to smell his hair though or pick him a Daisy.
. I have actually heard men discussing it and say that if knew it would not lead to sex, they would not be bothered with doing the other things. I think that is one of the most selfish and unlovable things a H could say. I know, I'm not a man. I am a woman, and I can tell ya......that attitude will not fly with her. You are suppose to be showing the love of your life that you want this closeness with her, whether or not it ends in having sex. I am saying that if she is not exhausted, sick, or disturbed about something else, she'll be in the mood a lot more often. Btw, please take into account that women do experience fatigue more easily than men, and they are much more distracted during sex (crying baby, mother-in-law across the hall, teenager is still out, bills haven't been paid, how to buy Christmas, .....the list is endless). My H use to complain that everything had to be perfect before I could enjoy sex. Pretty close! We just aren't made the way you men are.