Yes what you say makes scense just sux you sit there and wonder what they are thinking. The other paints you in a bad light and you may not deserve that.
H 50 W 46 T 31 M 24 EA 11.11.15 PA not sure. Dx3 Separated 5.12.15 (not legally)
Yes what you say makes scense just sux you sit there and wonder what they are thinking. The other paints you in a bad light and you may not deserve that.
Of course you don't deserve that.
But seriously, leave them to it. My H is so hysterical with it all at the moment (he's in the throws of his EAPA) that anyone he talks to about stuff won't really believe what he says because it's gonna lack any kind of middle ground or perspective.
With that approach you're never going to be in the position where you later regret something you've said.
Also, people talk. And it all might get back to your W in a distorted Chinese whispers way. Which might make things more difficult for you in the long run.
They will all do this. Right now you're trying to CONTROL things. You will drive yourself crazy trying to find out who she talked to and what she said. The better option is to continue to grow and BE a better man so that anyone who heard her will know it's not true.
Even if you try to defend yourself to others, they will already have a judgment made. Don't play that game.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Hi Focus sweetheart & Au Bob (wont call you sweetheart )
The F&F scenario that surround your MR are something you dont really have to deal with if you have your head screwed on right.
During our troubled period, I learnt from a friend that my W would go to the gim at times with tears, others walk around like a Zombie, in short play out the victim infront of her friends. This obviously made her seem the poor soul and me the evil dark lord.
The things is in these situations people only see the tears from one side and feel the pain from one side. No one knows the full story and to be honest I think some dont care. They take sides because it is the politically correct thing to do, pass judgement and end of story.
Now things are better and we come across some of these gim friends, I see how they interact and imagine what they must think of me.
Some time ago I went to explain to the OM to GTFA from W a little more enthusiastically. Her friend found out and as she was both their friends she came up and confronted me. I said nothing. Still waited and as I learned he didnt turn up I left for home. I told W what had happened and also that the way her friend confronted me it sounded like she did not know the full story. W admitted her friend did not know about their EA. She just told her I got pi$$ed because I caught her and OM coming out of a cafe before gim.
As you can imagine, friend thinks i am over jealous H wanting to bash inocent W friend. I told her friend in a text that I admired her nobleness but it was a family matter between the 3 of us and politely told her to GTFO of our problems.
As you can see her friends think i am a Richard (d1ck) but because they don't know me nor the situation. The best part is I dont care.
To set the story straight would mean involving people into a personal and delicate matter that I do not care about the least. it would also mean degrading the W and me as well. Those people are not worth it. As my dad used to say... if you dont pay my bills you have no say in my life.
Family... grr.. thats another story. The day her parents found out they were in denial until W admitted. They agree it was wrong, i was right to get pi$$ed but ... they are family and no matter how many aces you have, they will never be in your corner, barring exceptions from what I have seen here.
Children ... keep them out as much as possible but depending on age they will find out. Just try to keep out gory details. I think one of the things that hit W hard was S's reaction and rejection to her actions. He took sides but not with her. One of the problems with children is they are used as leverage or pawns. Dont do that. some will get hurt, some will live your problems on top of theirs and some will lose respect for you both as you involve them in your slugging match. If things then do work out you now have the S and children needing piecing to become a family once again. its not worth it.
In short, dont worry about what other people think, even if they are close. On top of the problems you already have you dont need to defend yourself, who you are or what you do. Anyone with a brain knows there are 2 sides to every story and if they dont then scr3w them. Be true to yourself.
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