a chunk of that says I should act asap to stamp on the EA.
This is true. If it's confirmed (and it sounds like it is) then yes. How you handle it is the important part. So gather the evidence and then make sure it's water tight. Note, a WW will spew and scream because 'They are just friends' and 'There is nothing going on' Etc. Be careful of how you play this because if she's ever accused you of being controlling or manipulating then this will get thrown back in your face. So be like Clint and make sure she can't deny it.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
This is true. If it's confirmed (and it sounds like it is) then yes. How you handle it is the important part. So gather the evidence and then make sure it's water tight. Note, a WW will spew and scream because 'They are just friends' and 'There is nothing going on' Etc. Be careful of how you play this because if she's ever accused you of being controlling or manipulating then this will get thrown back in your face. So be like Clint and make sure she can't deny it.
Can't be any more clear when she said "missing you." I would be willing to bet hard money that at minimum it is an EA. And the fact that she is belittling (even if indirectly) you with him is enough to say f*** this. As everyone said, gather, gather, and gather. Confront ONLY when there is proof.
I am not sure on contacting the OM's W. That could get dicey real quick and if you aren't ready for a physical confrontation then you may want to think twice. Little story - I have a friend whose ex got involved with a married man. When he found out, he didn't hit the roof but gathered intel. And a lot of it. He found the guy's FB account (through snooping his W's) and found the guy's W's name. Then he created a fake FB account and send the guy's W screenshot after screenshot. Want to guess what happened? The shite hit the fan but they didn't know who it was from. Both were busted. My friend's W went all sorts of crazy and scared about it. Good stuff.
If you feel you must contact the OM's W, then do it anonymously... Just sayin...
Last edited by Spiff69; 11/25/1501:44 PM.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Thanks to Spiff, NDY,Huddy,Roiste and others for your replies.
This board keeps my sanity.
It seems you are asking me to collect evidence which contains sexual content or words of affection etc to confirm the EA and give myself more proof before confronting.
Stuff like 'ILY'. Illicit meet ups etc, not just the goofball convos they have and a solitary 'Missing You' from W. Correct?? I suspect they will flirt and he will be throwing himself at her, and W deflecting.
I can only record conversations from now on and the only two-way convo will be in her car.
Her smartphone is protected by fingerprint and her Ipad is always locked with a keycode when she is away from it. She never uses the PC to logon to FB.
So the cold war continues.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Think about this for a minute - are you OK with those types of conversations your W is having? You may never see the extent of it, but then again, you may discover something. Either way, even what you do know is inappropriate contact.
Her phone may be protected by fingerprint, but it can be accessed by a code (usually 4 digit), too. Just sayin...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Yes the phone is protected by passcode as well but I dont know it and have tried several codes like birthdays etc. W also keeps it well guarded, the only place she doesnt take it is the shower!
NB I can find the home address of OM next week, I just need to visit the local library to get access to electoral roll.
This is what I want to say to W:
W: Are you coming to watch TV M: Im not comfortable with that. W: Why not? M: Because I'm not comfortable with you texting OM while we watch TV W: But you said I could call and Text him M: Yes, but would you be comfortable showing me the content of all those texts and showing them to J****** (OM Partner) W: silence M: If you are not comfortable with showing me the content then you are having an inappropriate R with OM.
W can not deny an EA IF she will not show me her phone text convos with OM - to me its that simple.
What does this achieve?
A boundary for a start - she will stop texting him in front of me. It should make her think of the consequences of me telling J****** or J****** finding out. She will probably show anger and resentment but F*** it - its about time I grew some balls
Last edited by isittoolate; 11/25/1503:23 PM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Hmmm.... I don't think you should have that convo until you have really hard evidence. I think that's got problems written all over it. I see where you're coming from, but, be careful.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
NDY - just read all your thread - and its inspiring, your were so strong, and committed to doing it right all the way.
Unfortunately the thread locks out on 31/05 - access denied?
Huddy - going to read yours from the start as well.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
I like the thought behind what you want to say and you want it to go, but as they say in war - once the fighting starts the battle plan goes out the window.
I will agree with the others, I don't think its wise just yet. Let her hang herself. Others may know more, though.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Spiff - i know...its like a film script in my head
Huddy - we all are wrecks at the start...its the growth I like to read about.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
