Dealing with the Holidays

[gonegrl]

Yeah more and more as this day is going along, I'm dreading tomorrow well except for training Jiu Jitsu in the morning and football... and the wine. Putting the face on and pretending I'm "OK" and being the usual "Happy KTFO"... KTFO=Knocked The F*K Out.. which is how I feel.. LOL Put a stupid face on and work on a bottle of wine LOL .. I may even eat! ahhaa

KTFO- wow, about your name. I hope you know that at some point you will need to change your name because you will feel better. I will be on here checking in, hope you can log in and we can all toast each other.

[vise82]

About the holidays,

I have a question about gifts, my W and I usually gave gifts with both our names on the gift. Now I will be going to the IL because the kids don't know about S and we will be giving the kids gifts together. DO I give my own gift for everyone or do I talk to my W and ask what she thinks about it. Then there is the W gift, does she get one?

What is a good plan for gifts?

[ktfo]

Yeah more and more as this day is going along, I'm dreading tomorrow well except for training Jiu Jitsu in the morning and football... and the wine. Putting the face on and pretending I'm "OK" and being the usual "Happy KTFO"... KTFO=Knocked The F*K Out.. which is how I feel.. LOL Put a stupid face on and work on a bottle of wine LOL .. I may even eat! ahhaa

KTFO- wow, about your name. I hope you know that at some point you will need to change your name because you will feel better. I will be on here checking in, hope you can log in and we can all toast each other.

LOL No worries pho, it was an MMA Brand I use to wear anyways.. LOL
it's funny I've been feeling human lately which is awesome, but the thoughts keep creeping in which is the hardest part. Loving someone so much [censored] .. and I'll checkin!
The only place I seem to NOT have this albatross over my head is when I'm on the mat, teaching or training Jiu Jitsu.. LOL I want to be at the Academy all day and not be home... but I love my kids so I go home. Cheers to all of us!!!!! Strength in numbers and tons of support .. thanks!

[gs9]

WW and D4 are headed to her brothers about 6 hours away today for Thanksgiving. They'll return on Saturday. Lots of alone time. I'm not looking forward to it. I have plenty of work that has to get done but I'm having a really hard time concentrating on it. I'm usually really good at putting things aside and completing tasks but honestly I'm a mess right now.

[ktfo]

WW and D4 are headed to her brothers about 6 hours away today for Thanksgiving. They'll return on Saturday. Lots of alone time. I'm not looking forward to it. I have plenty of work that has to get done but I'm having a really hard time concentrating on it. I'm usually really good at putting things aside and completing tasks but honestly I'm a mess right now.

gs9, I feel your pain! I've found find distractions, let be music or just doing stuff for ME is best. I don't know if you workout but DO IT! I train ALOT and have for a while but now my training has alot more purpose... BEING A BETTER ME FOR ME! To hell with the stuff around the house that won't go anywhere, find something FOR YOU YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!!! That's what I've been doing and saying. I always tried to do the right things for HER and it wasn't enough for her to think of me in this situation. Find something Man!!! Really, I train jiu jitsu, do kickboxing 3 days a week, I lift when I can and try to run at lunch.. and I feel better about me!!! I'm 46, and in the best shape of my life and I'm getting in better shape everyday.. FOR ME!!!! Not to be a braggart because that's not me, but I'm better.. I deal with the mental pain and the pieces of my heart trying to piece them together and at the same time I'M DOING FOR ME!!! Be positive! Realize you deserve to be happy! You didn't ask for it and should be treated better... Be strong man! Be strong for you! think of YOU!

[Ancaire]

I will be spending T-Day (tomorrow) with my kids at one of my daughter's homes. We're starting new traditions. We will all ignore the elephant in the room; that Dad is with OW by himself (she told us so, on her Facebook page.)

I think it's going to be up to me to lead the way here. So, no crying, pouting, sighing, or even any mention of H. I will be thankful for the kids and just enjoy the fact I'm with them. I CAN and WILL be able to do that, because they need me to. Being a parent never really stops being hard work for those of us who care, does it?

[ktfo]

Good for you Ancaire! Do for you kids! he messed up and deserves to be without you all. I wish the best and all the blessings i can share for you and your family!

[gs9]

Thanks KTFO
Great reminders. I do workout and have upped the intensity since her first A. I lost about 25lbs and then put 10 or so back on. The weight sits different than it did 6 months ago. I've always been an athlete and actually ran health clubs for 10 years so I know how to do it and the benefits. I'll be hitting the gym tonight and probably tomorrow morning too.
You're right. I didn't ask for this. It's not my fault and I don't deserve to be treated like this. My dad keeps telling me to be strong and even mean if I have to be. Being mean just isn't in my nature. I'm definitely not giving into her but I do still love her. I have to keep reminding myself that sometimes love is showed through conflict and discipline. Sometimes love is shown through creating and maintaining healthy boundaries. I've done these things but it doesn't make it any easier knowing its the right thing to do.
The last couple days I've been having a bit of a pity party and I'm having trouble getting out of the funk

[ktfo]

gs9, I'm not being mean either, I don't see the benefit to doing that. I'm a nice guy and it's GD shame but "nice guys do finish last"..

I'm trying to make my thing here workout, and I'm surprised by it, I don't know if I'll ever be able to look at her the same way again. Someone whom I trusted with everything every part of me and my being took advantage of that.. I mean I've started to look at it in black and white: She says she loves me, yet she didn't think of me when she did this. How am I supposed to accept that? I'm trying to reason with myself as far how... but at this point I'm more concerned with me. The waves of emotions and pain and the visions in my head haunt me. I'm going to do right by me and my kids, I'll do my best with us but if I can't get through it it'll be time to say I'm done, I tapout!
Good luck man! I wish the best for you and hope you get whole again... cause I hate feeling emasculated and less than sh*t.

[gs9]

Wow! I have felt so much the same way. Not sure I'll be able to look at her again the same way and I don't know if she'll look at me the same either. That's a big part of why she started cheating. At least her excuse. I do know love is a choice. It is actions and choosing to take action. She told me a week ago that she loves me more than anything in the world. My thought on this is....well you don't love me enough to stop talking to other men and to fight for our M.

Got to be the best me I can be with or with out her

Good luck to you too