EA is confirmed ....don't ask how but I have seen FB messenger stuff and I know they also text and phone each other.
Advice needed.
Do I confront her...she will want to know how I know...I got access to her FB? Do I kick her out of MBR? Do I confront OM?
Help needed.
Last edited by isittoolate; 11/23/1506:35 PM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Read Sandi2's threads on the WW. All the advice you need is in there.
Again. Sorry. I feel your pain.
Peace
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Dang, Isit! I know the feeling on the EA stuff. I wouldn't confront until you have sufficient proof - as in screenshots, etc., that are all saved somewhere. Get as much as you can, because as others will attest - they will go underground, fast. I wouldn't necessarily tell her how you found out, just that you know. But get as much as you can, first.
Sandi will give you some excellent advice on what to do. Take it to heart - it took me way too long to realize what she was saying.
As far as the OM is concerned, don't do it. I don't recall the poster who said it on here, but that will put your spouse in the position of defending the affair partner. Not a good idea - what good would it do?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
So what did it say? Sorry man. It really [censored]. We're you jealous before? In my case I was real passive previously so me going batshit crazy was a good 180.
On the previous thread you spoke about your pessimism. IMHO THAT should be a 180. Running is good GAL but "seeing" things differently is a 180. Invite the friends-ABSOLUTELY should be your answer. Go find the lost item? ABSOLUTELY you're confident you'll find it.
I accessed the account through a joint email account and reset her password.
I have a few screenshots but she has changed the password now and I doubt I will be able to access again as I think she has set higher security level.
They were mocking me through some exchanges, saying how OM was now my FB friend.
I don't think they are PA , and no sexting. He is living with a partner and has a D11, I can use it as leverage.
I want to kick her out of MBR
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
It's so ironic because you posted on another thread calling my "wonky" or whatever so I thought I'd read through your thread this morning and try to help you.
I was waiting for you to start a new thread to tell you.
Based upon my experience with lots of situations, I am pretty sure you wife is having an affair. It's probably more a lot more than a EA and has probably been going on since 2012. All the classic nuanced signs are there. In particular, I noticed how she was always keep tabs on your work schedule and when you'd be leaving - coming and going. Calling you an hour after you left (to double check you were actually on your way) and being all happy the day you were going into London for a couple nights. I also took note that she was upset when you shortened one work trip a night (which obviously messed with her plans with an OM).
I was going to tell you that and BEG you to get a voice activated recording device and hide it in her car just to rule out that all your marital problems aren't simply (mostly) due to the fact there is another man in your marriage.
Now, reading this thread and your discovery it is all the more important for you to think rationally right now and develop a plan.
First - Don't confront until you have all the facts. There is a debate on DB about snooping but I don't think this is the unhealthy kind of obsessive snooping that MWD is talking about. You need to, BEFORE your wife catches on to the fact you are really suspicious and spying on her thoroughly, step up your snooping game by buying a voice activated voice recorder and hiding it in her car to capture her cell phone conversations with OM (or her best girlfriend that knows the whole story). The reason this is important is that in order to save your marriage and family (or your sanity should you divorce) is by YOU getting all the pertinent facts up front. You can't HOPE she'll tell you the truth and if you confront without the facts - she'll just lie and they will take everything underground. The best way to get the FULL truth is get it yourself NOW.
2. The accumulate your evidence and sit down with your wife and confront her with all of it at once. You have to overcome the wall of denial you are about to face (especially if you confront with little evidence - because then it becomes all about you snooping on her and her "friend" and this is why she must divorce you). You need to break it down and put all the truth out there at once.
*sidenote - use the recording to get facts but NEVER mention the recording device. It's legal in my state but you're in a different country and I have no idea if you could get in trouble for such. Being a religious zealot and all (lol), neither my wife and I believe there is total privacy in marriage. Snooping to get the truth about YOUR life is perfectly fine AND it might give you the opportunity to actually SAVE your wife from continuing to make the biggest mistake of her life.
3. Are you sure your wife doesn't know about your posting here on DB. If she's reading along you are so busted already. Get Cadet to hide this thread and hope she hasn't seen it yet.
Be back later for more
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
I accessed the account through a joint email account and reset her password.
I have a few screenshots but she has changed the password now and I doubt I will be able to access again as I think she has set higher security level.
They were mocking me through some exchanges, saying how OM was now my FB friend.
I don't think they are PA , and no sexting. He is living with a partner and has a D11, I can use it as leverage.
I want to kick her out of MBR
If she asks you if you did this....deny it. Don't give away that you are suspicious. Let them try to figure out what happened to her account while being relieved that it wasn't you.
As far as kicking her out of MBR...that's just a silly battle right now. You need to quickly realize you are in a war for your family. Let the battle rest for now and focus on planing to win the war.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
