We got back together a year after we divorced. Did not do counseling which we should have. We've been together 20 yrs total. I have the kids, 1 in college and 1 is 15. He was introduced to the ow last night without me knowing that was going to happen. If he comes back I would insist on counseling. I just want to try to stop the obsessive thoughts I have about what he's doing etc.
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
Most of our problems were financial issues, irresponsibility and unreliable. I'm the main breadwinner.
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
Sotto is right about your H and cake eating. Are you willing to be in an open relationship? There is much that can be done right now.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
I read the book constantly and I don't want to be in an open relationship. I wanna be strong and detach. If he calls which I doubt he will do I answer? Do I act nice or what? Aloof? Ignore the call?
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
He is cake eating when he is able to take what he wants from you without having to give in return. Sleeping with you, but hiding it from OW is classic cake eating.
You need to lovingly set boundaries. Like while he is with OW, he cannot share your life or bed. You are not being mean. You will not push him into her arms, even though it may feel like it.
Just start building yourself up in any way you can. Take the focus away from them and only on you. It is so hard, but if you work hard you can do it.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Tam, you are right to want to detach and stop obsessing. That is the goal. But the reality is that it takes time, and it is very hard to do. So my advice to you is to take it in small steps. Set some small goals for yourself.
For example- walk 20 minutes a day, call a friend each day, take a shower
Once you are at a basic level of functioning- increase the goals- walk 2 miles, of out with a friend, etc.
Gradually increase your goals, with the intent of the goals being self care, nutrition, sleep, exercise, avoiding being alone too much, then as that gets easier start finding ways to have fun or develop new skills. Baby steps, it takes a while. But your focus needs to be on yourself as much as possible.
If he calls, do not answer. Let him leave a message, and you can get back to him at your discretion, I'd only get back to him with logistical issues and childcare related topics. Do not initiate conversations, and be the first to get off the phone.
T-20 yrs M- 7yrs Me-46 XH- 44 S15, S21 1yr separation and divorce, my decision-07 1yr separation, my decision-2012 His PA started Aug 2016 I moved out Sept/16 He's been with OW ever since
