O, I am probably too late, but if you want to be there for swim lessons then stay. If you need the "break" then don't. I would try not to worry about what is going on in her mind. Certain kids activities I love going to and others are a chore. So you decide. Try not to worry about what is going on in W's head, just do what you want. And if you do stay for swimming, and she sees you there, focus on your kids and having fun with them, try not to be looking at her from across the pool with puppy dog eyes. You are there for your kids, and for yourself. Not her.
As far as Thanksgiving goes, I would not invite her. She moved out. She is the one that is "breaking up the family"- so let her feel what that feels like. Enjoy your Thanksgiving, enjoy your mom, be surrounded by the people who want to be with you and have no doubt in their love for you.
Sometimes I feel like I am journaling here too. And then other times I get so much feedback that I can't keep up with it, and have to go back a day or two later and process it. Its all ok. Keep posting.
What are you doing today? Is there a GAL activity- big or small- something you can do today that will help you? Something that can get you "out of your own head" about this? Give yourself a chance today to just be O, even just for a few minutes.
Azz This is really what I needed. You make total sense to me. We were together for 13 years. I am not afraid to be alone. I think the missing companionship of a woman is what I am meaning. But then you hit it on the head again. I can and will put that off to protect the relationship
I did end up staying at the swim lessons. The kids wanted me there. It was a little awkward. I spoke to her about the class quickly then kind of watched and hung with kids. She eventually did start asking me my opinion on some work stuff she was looking at. I just made sure I validated her choices. She also told me about something she has going on this weekend with her gym for charity and how exhausted she is going to be. I just listened and was positive with her.
I had PMA the entire time and then unfortunately S melted down when it was time to leave with her.
Azz I do really appreciate the talk. I need hearing these things.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
O, I am probably too late, but if you want to be there for swim lessons then stay. If you need the "break" then don't. I would try not to worry about what is going on in her mind. Certain kids activities I love going to and others are a chore. So you decide. Try not to worry about what is going on in W's head, just do what you want. And if you do stay for swimming, and she sees you there, focus on your kids and having fun with them, try not to be looking at her from across the pool with puppy dog eyes. You are there for your kids, and for yourself. Not her.
As far as Thanksgiving goes, I would not invite her. She moved out. She is the one that is "breaking up the family"- so let her feel what that feels like. Enjoy your Thanksgiving, enjoy your mom, be surrounded by the people who want to be with you and have no doubt in their love for you.
Sometimes I feel like I am journaling here too. And then other times I get so much feedback that I can't keep up with it, and have to go back a day or two later and process it. Its all ok. Keep posting.
What are you doing today? Is there a GAL activity- big or small- something you can do today that will help you? Something that can get you "out of your own head" about this? Give yourself a chance today to just be O, even just for a few minutes.
Thanks Pho. I agree with every hung you said. I responded to Azz and explained how everything went down.
My GAL is pretty decent. My job let's me think to much though and bedtime is really awful!
I have been keeping up with you as well. It's funny. I wish I had more to tell people but I feel the more I learn is from experiences that aren't what we want! Lol.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
So just had an interesting encounter. I have mentioned before that W best friend is going through divorce. I actually thought she already was but apparently it is not complete yet. Still think she is not a great influence. Anyway, she is a notary and was the one notarizing our agreement. I needed to initial a new spot and so our kids go to the same preschool so i was meeting her there to do this. So i get there and she says to me how come you cant be my ex husband. I did not know what to say to that so I said nothing. Apparently he is dragging things out and wants to go back about the kids situation again.
She then asks me about how the kids are dealing with everything. Now understand that her and W TM or talk about 1000 times a day. So i kind just paused and thought for a second and then asked dont you and W talk about it. She said well yeah but....I said look I am not going to say something that is against what she is telling you and seem like i am trying to make up a story or pull a guilt card. She said no, that they dont discuss it that much. So i told her how i think it is for them from my experiences. She said she knows and she can tell from how the kids are and has seen it herself. She tried to tell me that she told W that if kids wanted to go with her ex more she would not stop them. I didnt respond.
we kept talking about a few things and then she brings up that she still thinks it will work out for us. I was kind of shocked. I was very careful about how i responded. All i said is you never know with life. I said a year ago i never thought i be like this, who knows what will be a year from now. She agreed and said she was floored when she found out. She then again said she thinks it will work out and she will think differently. I said who knows, but i cant hang my hat on that and just sit around waiting. She agreed.
Not sure what to think of all of that, actually I do. I am going to think nothing of it. I just know I was careful what to say as I am sure everything will get back to her.
anyway, time to keep moving.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
O, another interesting thought, in the few months leading up to BD one of H's good friend's W filed for D. My H was a big part of his support system, multiple calls/texts per day. I think oftentimes people going through a D influence the people around them.
O, another interesting thought, in the few months leading up to BD one of H's good friend's W filed for D. My H was a big part of his support system, multiple calls/texts per day. I think oftentimes people going through a D influence the people around them.
I strongly second this. My W's sister started her divorce stuff a few months before my W's BD. And they are closer than close. I have no doubt there is influencing going on...
That leads me to this question - how does one, if they can, overcome this?
Last edited by Spiff69; 11/20/1505:52 PM.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
yes, i have stated in earlier posts that this friends life prob looks good. She just bought a new house, new car, etc..but her father is bank rolling everything and she is wild. I think W thought well if she can do it then i will be great too.
W's father doesnt bankroll her though and that is where reality will start hitting.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
It's funny how they seem to always think the grass is always greener. Take my SIL for instance. She is always going to concerts and stuff - things she never did when married. And she asks my W to come to a lot, too, even though she lives almost 10 hours from us, but will be a lot closer once the W moves to her new base. So, this past weekend the W mentioned something about her sister wants her to go to another concert with her when we go down there for Christmas. So, the devil got into me and I said she sure is living it up, eh? I don't think the W knew what to say but eventually said something to the effect of she only is doing that for me. I just said uh huh and left it at that, when I really wanted to say the truth. How bad would that have been?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
