Yup, reality is starting to set in now. I think what helped me greatly in my situation was that as soon as I was out of the house I told W that I would pay for nothing. I obviously gave money to support my D, but that was it. Could be part of the reason for the relatively short time frame of my ordeal. Stick to the path you're on my friend. She needs to put in the work to get you back at this point, if its still a possibility in your heart.
separated since 9/01/13 M-31 W-36 D-4 Move back home 12/26/13 3 months of tough times Finally in a happy M
I won't rule anything out but I will say the road is harder for her now. I guess I should say for "us". But she had a fairly easy pass until this past weekend... I do still care about the girl, I prolly always will. But my respect for her hit an all time low now.
I see that life without her, even though I don't like to admit it, is very possible. I have opened my eyes to that possibility and am ok with it. At this point she is nothing but a "prospect" mixed in the field. She does stand out a bit in that field because she is the mother of my child, but she doesn't stand on a pedistool now.
Last edited by Uphill; 11/19/1501:34 PM.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I won't rule anything out but I will say the road is harder for her now. I guess I should say for "us". But she had a fairly easy pass until this past weekend... I do still care about the girl, I prolly always will. But my respect for her hit an all time low now.
I see that life without her, even though I don't like to admit it, is very possible. I have opened my eyes to that possibility and am ok with it. At this point she is nothing but a "prospect" mixed in the field. She does stand out a bit in that field because she is the mother of my child, but she doesn't stand on a pedistool now.
Uphill, my friend, I think you made it. They will always stand out in the field just because. You are at a place where maybe one day I can get to - I am just learning to walk without stumbling all over the place. Hats off to you!
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Spiff, it has been a tough, bumpy, long road. I don't envy anybody just starting this journey. I'm not out of the woods yet, I feel my next "signpost" on healing will be when I can go a full 24 hours without thinking anything about XF. No what ifs. No I wish she were here. No I wish she would call. Nothing at all. I am a far way from that yet, or I wouldn't be looking at a phone call and analyzing it...
I have made some big progress over the past week and a half. Mon, tues, wed last week I honestly thought she came around. I saw the old XF in every interaction. She would reach out to see how my day was. Opened up more than the past 6 months combined. It was a huge "up". Then Thursday came and she put her walls back up. Huge "down". I feel as if the rollercoaster got to wild for me and I stepped off. I can stomach a lot but that one isn't for me buddy.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Indigo, you actually got me thinking a bit into my reason for paying for as much as I have been so long. The problem I had (internally) was if I took the car back, XF had no transportation to go to and from work. Also S4 swaps would have been 100% on me for the traveling. She honestly doesn't have the means to buy a car... Same with the insurance on the car. Now she's driving it. Do I drop it, then if something happens it is my car on the road without insurance. That was to cover me for letting her have the car. Cell phones, there again, S4 played a big part of that. It was my only way to contact him when he is not with me.
I guess I was in a tough spot and now I am standing up on 2 of the 3 fronts...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I dont have much to add. Ive been reading along for a while, but Im not sure exactly how to contribute.
In the last couple of pages, I notice you really looking and focusing on every one of her actions again. How will you get yourself back to that stable point of focusing on you?
Also, you gave an ultimatum, I suppose, but what does it really mean? It certainly doesnt seem like you are "done" with her...
Azz, I admit, that phone call did send me spinning. A few things actually have since last weeks events. The difference now seems to be inside me. I'm more at peace. I honestly feel like a different person. I can see, I do still look into things too much at times. The thoughts aren't like they were before though... It may be a habit I have to break, the looking into things. I feel like that kinda wired itself into my brain over the past months?
As far as being "done", that is where my heart sits now. I'm sure she could convince me otherwise yet. I know I have back peddled on a lot of things through this past year but this line I drew isn't any easy one for me to slide to the "next line" if you know what I mean? For this one to move, it would definatly take a very big effort on her part.
My eyes are very open to any possibility now. I have not begun dating but I won't be sitting back anymore either. She has made her choice and I respect that. It doesn't mean I agree with it, but I can move forward without her and not feel guilt at this point.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Also azz, I just looked back through this thread, and I'm just looking for your input here. Up until the phone call last night I think most of the XF talk was more to relay where I am? Responding to other posts not nessisarily "dwelling" or "pinning" on her? If I am reading it wrong please let me know so I can get my head on straight and keep walking forward. Most of Yesterday was about S4 and my movie party and milkshakes. Monday I did mention that OM dumped her because I found the irony in it.
Just looking for your opinion buddy.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Azzork, are you around buddy? Anxiously waiting to see what I'm missing haha
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Azzork, are you around buddy? Anxiously waiting to see what I'm missing haha
Ha. Sorry. Sometimes I have to actually work! I know...it's kinda rare.
I didnt just mean this thread, I guess. Im looking back most of last week and into this week. I hadnt really posted on your thread much lately, so the details were a little bit vague in my head. But most of what Im thinking of is in build up and let down from your "talk" on Saturday.
Im glad to hear that you are starting to refocus. Just want to help make sure it's aimed in the right spot.
