Don't be self deprecating in front of her. Stop it. She doesn't respect that. Trust me. One of my first boundaries was no making jokes about me. They just don't seem so funny from a woman who's been bopping someone else right? And how can I expect her to respect that boundary while I made jokes about myself?
Thanks man! Yeah, I'm getting ready to set forth on a serious journey mentally and physically. I'm preparing to compete at a world level competition in March/april and I need my mind and body right.
I supported my wife through all the stuff she wanted to do, and I AM a good Father, Husband and man. If her mind/eyes are clouded I can't change that it's her who has to live with her choices and inability to ackowledge what everyone around says. NOT ME, they say it... I take pride in being good! I want to be great! I try to walk the path and walk the walk. I love life! I love my family and I need to love ME again.
Don't be self deprecating in front of her. Stop it. She doesn't respect that. Trust me. One of my first boundaries was no making jokes about me. They just don't seem so funny from a woman who's been bopping someone else right? And how can I expect her to respect that boundary while I made jokes about myself?
I know. And so begins the process. The hard part is going to be the validating, holding your tongue, keeping happy etc. Also, and this is big, figuring out what you did or didn't do in your m that contributed to it not being healthy. I mean, I think about the kissing part a lot. Personally. It was telling me something. You don't want to be the guy that that would ever happen to again. You need to make those changes, but not for her, for you, or they won't stick. Need to start doing the opposite. Think about the stuff she made fun of you for or yelled at you for or mentioned positively about others. You can figure it out.
I feel good, I really do right now.. just feel like I know my path and such. It's good to know, walking this path with a positive attitude and good thoughts. I know ups and downs, but I hope this is the start.
Now she on the other hand is saying nothing really, nothing especially about the A or us. No apologies no nothing. I'm not contacting her, I answer but don't initiate. No I love you's no nothing. I can't do anything for her at this point... she's not my priority and obviously I'm not her's because she's obviously not doing anything to make things better. As was said earlier, I thin she's waiting it out.. yet she doesn't think that this is not something you just push under the carpet.
I wonder what happened? I feel like I've found the inner thoughts and phrases I keep repeating to myself, and the realization that 'HEY! I AM A GOOD MAN! I AM A GOOD FATHER! I AM MORE THAN A SAFETY BLANKET! MORE THAN HER CHEARLEADER! I DESERVE TO BE LOVED THE WAY I LOVE!"
It's like BAM! Either I started believing it or I just realized this! no more being codependent! No more being the door mat wanting to be loved.. My kids love me and respect me and know what a great father i am! That's what counts!
She needs to win me back, and she's not showing me anything. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!
She chose another person over me, an schemed for a couple months to go and be with this guy, and never thought of me! Never thought of what I would feel or how betrayed and hurt I am! And didn't think of what it would do to our family! This is now OUR AFFAIR, and WE have to deal with it and not just brush it under the carpet.
I can tell you the fact that I'm not initiating texts, talk or hugs etc, she is taking notice.
Good man, but you still got a lot of work and a lot of bad feelings to work through. And they are going to hit you hard. And they will hit her hard. Why do you think she stopped kissing you? Had the affair? What was she feeling? What was she lacking? What did she want from you that she wasn't getting? This is also stuff you need to know and it will make you sick and hate her and you will need to let her get it out. It will try you, trust me. You should try a db coach here to help you too.
I know... but she won't say or do anything right now. I mean, look I know and have known I've been an oversite to her for a few years now... it just came to a head and man now, I'm like forget that! I deserve so much better, I do! I'm ok if it doesn't work sadly.. she's not willing to work on us after I'm willing to try an move on after this crap? Then we have a major issue and i will not stand for it.
I'm already just blown up by her actions... I don't know that I'll love again really, and never as much as I loved her. and I know trusting someone the way I trusted her prior to her A will never happen again. I have to work through all of this, and have to work through alot, but that's fine! I'll be an EVEN BETTER MAN in the end.
I'm already just blown up by her actions... I don't know that I'll love again really, and never as much as I loved her. and I know trusting someone the way I trusted her prior to her A will never happen again. I have to work through all of this, and have to work through alot, but that's fine! I'll be an EVEN BETTER MAN in the end.
Try not to think of future love stuff, because that is far, far down the road. Get yourself straight first. It may take a long time just to be in the right place to date again. I know that if my W goes ahead with the divorce, I won't be ready. I am just now learning to walk again.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I'm already just blown up by her actions... I don't know that I'll love again really, and never as much as I loved her. and I know trusting someone the way I trusted her prior to her A will never happen again. I have to work through all of this, and have to work through alot, but that's fine! I'll be an EVEN BETTER MAN in the end.
Try not to think of future love stuff, because that is far, far down the road. Get yourself straight first. It may take a long time just to be in the right place to date again. I know that if my W goes ahead with the divorce, I won't be ready. I am just now learning to walk again.
I'm not looking past right now! I'm realizing that I AM WORTHY OF MORE! Loving someone so much and they take you for granted and then totally defies you and just looks at you as an afterthought, just makes me open my eyes. I need to be good for me for my kids!
I'm training hard, and reading a couple books "5 love languages" and "the power of positive thinking", and I've gone back to Church.. strong mind strong body strong soul.
