no clue where Wife is, cant see past the FOG

[Delboy]

Hi Irish M, To me it sounds has though your estranged wife has some serious unresolved issues from long ago.



Love

Delboy

[AJM]

I agree with Delboy. I don't have any experience with the quarter life stuff, but it does sound like she is a restless soul and has been.

If I'm honest, I remember on my wedding night thinking this could be great or this could hell on earth. Chalked it up to nerves, but looking back, I do wonder about that moment

You take your chances. Sometimes it works out as you want it to. Others, it works out a different way.

AJ

[job]

If your wife didn't complete the "quarter life" crisis, she will revisit it at mid-life. Apparently she didn't do the necessary work at that time and it has come back to bite her.

[Irish M]

Delboy, AJ and JOB

I hear you...

I can say it came back to bite her hard.

I had to message my STBXW information on my buying her out.
I need to draft a letter and have her sign it for the agreement of buyout.

I also sent her the form where she can buy the school pictures of the D's.

She replied.
Oh the gilrs are so pretty. I miss them everyday and it hurts so much not seeing them. Tell them I love them please.
Also asked if I would but extra pictures for her and her mother. She would pay me back.
No answer about the buyout. No future date on mediation.

I replied;
I think you should order your pictures yourself.
Things are complicated as they can be already without small exchanges in money. I will pass on your message to the girls. They are doing so good in school and great friends.


I told the girls .... They both looked at me with an empty glance. D'13 says ok.
D15 says.. I have email and a phone.. She can't message me directly??

I reminded both of them that they can message her any time. No comment.

Later at night I get a call from my FIL girlfriend . She was asking how are the girls. That my W was asking her for news about the D's a couple of days ago..
I told her they are great. Doing homework and that I messages W this afternoon about them.
Weird getting this call. They never call. I shouldnt put to much thought in it.

She also said W had her mother over to OM place. Can't get over the fact that MIL is supportive of that relationship. Then again MIL is still in the fog. Blood is thicker than water so I won't waste energie on it.

Hopefully W can agree to the letter and I can move on with the buyout. I feel I'm standing still until this is done.

[peacetoday]

I do believe blood is thicker

at first MY xh family were by his side but after time they saw stuff

I never said anything to them about him,,just wished him the best-

They came to their own conclusions over time..they don't like his new wife

at this point they will have no contact with him until he dumps her

it takes a lot of time-

[Irish M]

Update... I got the ok for the letter at the bank. W will sign it tomorrow.

The rest of her message was all about money. Said her OM makes less than her and they are struggling. Guess the money she will get from me buying the house will go far. Or wasted .. What a shame.

She finished her message about the girls . How she knows they are safe and I am taking care of them. Also if they want to see her they can message her.

Again no interest or effort in seeing them.

Early this evening a call from FIL girlfriend.
She asks me if I am the one preventing the girls from seeing their mom.
???? I'm like what .
She says W told her she emailed the girls 200 times to see them. And it's me preventing them from seeing her.
???? I'm like really
She has messaged the girls a total of 8 times in the last 3 months.
3 of those messages were just hi, I miss you and we will see each other soon.
5 of those messages were I want to see you and you have to respect me.. Me .. Me and me

UnbelievabLe the lies and making me look like the bad guy

I told the girlfriend that I will not prevent the D's from seeing their mom.
I am not forcing them either. It is between the D's and their mom.

Really puts me off seeing her family at all.
When I do see them it's for the D's , I don't even talk about W.

Thursday I'll be at the bank. Just want this step over with. Hopefully no surprises on my credit rating due to W.

[kml]

Please make sure you are getting good legal advice. I understand wanting to strike while the iron is hot re: her agreeing to reasonable terms on the buyout, but if the rest of the divorce agreement is not settled too, you could be shooting yourself in the foot by doing this too early. What if she spends all the money, the divorce drags on, you've lost your leverage over her to get it done?

Just make sure you've run everything by a GOOD divorce attorney before you cut any checks.

[peacetoday]

yup

I don't know your full situation

but my xh spent and spent
he put himself in debt and I had to drag our business out of the grave

KML is right..a good attorney to make sure everything is covered

[Irish M]

It's been a while since I posted.
Still no contact from W to me or the D's
100 days + not seeing them
Close to 60 days no email to them

She has stopped messaging me about money and divorce.

I'm still going forward to buying her out of the house though.

Last night I was watching tv with the D's
A show that had a girlfriend questioning her identity , that she's lost in the relationship , doesnt know who she is bla bla

The D's got upset . These are things W told them before she left.

Only difference , this TV show girlfriend had a mother who guided her not to throw away a strong relationship . That she was who she was and he is who he is because of the relationship . Many couples don't have that and would die for it. Why throw it away...


My D's said " you see , that's what W mother should of done instead of pulling her away to lala land. "

They were so upset .. Angry .. Then started thinking that W would get pregnant .,,,

It's tough sometimes to keep them from venting and creating scenarios .

I listen , keep them stable and love them . Can't do much more than that.
Oh and hug them everyday . Something W is missing out on.

The longest W has been without the D's was our honeymoon. 10days
She went nuts
at 100 days , I don't know how she can do it.

Keep the light on ,, door ajar,,, let the rest happen by itself

[peacetoday]

sorry Irish

I know how hard it is especially in the start

My kids have gotten used to it over time

I always said good words about XH..(when his name used to come up)
In my situation after 9 years of MLC, and no contact for so long-His name does not come up often anymore

I would usually say - He is not well- he loves them but he can't be there , not their fault..maybe it is for the best because he is in crises, we can pray for him, forgive him, but we can't help him
he has to figure it out on his own and we have to move forward in our lives with out him

In my situation it seems to work as both my kids now 20 and 14 seem stable, and grounded..no trouble from either of them so far