Update Picked up S4 fro school yesterday. Grabbed some lunch and we went to my office so I could get some stuff done. Finally got to leave and he has been bugging me about a new character for one of his video games. We stopped to get this. Headed home to get it all working. I was getting things set up for him and he is just sitting there wrapped around my arm kissing me. He is so sweet and I feel so bad making him go through this and not being able to see me some days.
D7 got home off the bus and ran up and hugged me. We had a really nice day here yesterday so I went out to cut the grass and clean up some stuff outside. Kids played with friends and just let them do whatever. W called to speak to them in the evening while D was playing at friends house. S didn't really want to speak to her, actually told me not to answer. He was really brief and just stopped talking.
Got D from friends house so we could get some dinner. Figured that out and we planned on camping out in the living room watching movies. I think we all got tired and wanted to get comfortable so we headed up to my big bed and cuddled and fell asleep.
Now being it was W first weekend on her own and no kids I knew she would be going out. No word if she was or not but she didn't even call the kids to say goodnight. Just shows me she is still so focused on herself. I am documenting all of this. I feel bad for all of them, she doesn't see the damage she does by doing these things but wonders why they act different towards me.
W wants to get together Sunday when she gets kids to sign the sep agreement and then go through some pictures and see who will take what. I am going to sign the papers but think I will be busy and need to get somewhere instead of doing the pictures. I do not feel ready for thatyet. I have avoided looking through them as they are sitting out, just don't want the memories flooding right now. I also want her to know all of this is not her show and it will go as she plans.
That is all for now, going to take advantage of the weather before rain comes.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
O, I agree that sitting together and going through the pictures would not be good for you right now. Are your pictures not digital? I am assuming you are talking about photos? You can always get them scanned and copied and then you don't have to sort them with her, you each get a complete set. You can take them somewhere or probably rent a scanner. No sorting or discussion necessary.
So kids and i had fun out at the park before the rain came in. We had a few errands to run before we went home and got caught in a heavy downpour. Went home and ate some lunch. Kids played for a little bit while i did a few chores around the house.
W called kids in late afternoon, they had a quick conversation. didnt seem like either side had much to say. Kids and i decided to head out to Dave and Busters, a big game styke restaurant, we had a blast and started heading home. W still hadnt called to say good night to kids even as it was getting late. When we got home D7 asked to call her since she hadnt yet. I let her call, w did not answer then called back. She was out somewhere again, D7 started asking her why she doesnt call to say good night and where is she and where was she last night. W laughed it off, but doesnt get that she sees W acting like going out is more important. S4 didnt really talk, but when he did he kept telling her he wasnt staying at her house.
So Sunday came and i wasnt looking forward to kids going back. W called kids and i informed her that I could not go through the pictures today as i had somewhere to be and asked she meet us somewhere to exchange. She seemed a little annoyed by this. As expected the exchange was terrible, S4 through himslef on the ground crying and i had to just let her hold onto him and leave. I drove around the corner to watch and make sure he calmed down. After 10 minutes she finally got him to go. This is killing me.
Facetimed them at bedtime and this morning and more of the same, him asking me to come pick him up and crying then being very upset.
I am looking for some advice from those with experience here. I need to speak with W about him. I do not want ot be causing any damage to him. I want to let him be with me when he wants, even if it means me going and getting him just for bedtime etc..I think the amount of time between seeing me is too much for him.
I know i dont know until i talk to W, but her past attitude towards this type of thing is that he will get over it eventually. I do not share the same view, I fear we are going to have some problems with him because of this. Anyone have any thoughts on this?
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Meant to also add that I felt anger for the first time yesterday dealing with S4. I almost said to myself that I hate her for making him go through this pain.
Still really could use some input on the above
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I think you should follow what agreement you have with your wife regarding when you have the kids, trying to get more time with him because that is what he is asking might look bad on your part like you are trying to keep him away from his mother.
Her time with the kids is her time and your time is yours, how the kids are during that time or how they act isn't a factor, unless there is abuse.
Thats just my input
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
I understand but I am looking at it in terms of his mental health. He is an immature 4 and as he gets older he will learn to understand more and make it easier but right now I feel I shouldn't rattle him so much. Maybe I am speaking this way because his pain is hurting me as well. But I grew up this way and it hurt so bad being away from my father.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
What would your W say about this arrangement? If she disagrees I don't think there is anything you could do anyway. If she agrees then there you go , your the parents, and an agreement between the both of you will work.
But I think this crying will pass as this becomes the normal, you have to expect a transition period.
Maybe keep notes on it, if a couple weeks later he is still upset, you there maybe a problem. Then with that past history of crying, you could talk to your W.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
You may be right. I think I feel I am failing him. I tried to make him feel I will always be there when he needs me and now that he feels he does I can't be there. I known he is too young to understand this but I guess looking to make sure he knows he can always count on me.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
So not much to update. I had to communicate with wife regarding a few kid logistics for the next few days. I also let her know i am concerned about S4 and she responded as i thought. Saying he is only this way when he talks to you. I get that but the stress he goes through concerns me. I dont want this to shape his character in the future. We both expressed our views. I felt very dismissed as to my feelings on the situation and this has been going on a lot lately. I feel everytime we have to discuss something my view is the most crazy thing she has ever heard and I feel she just wishes i wouldnt speak. I expressed this to her and told her this is how every conversation comes across, like she is rolling her eyes that i am speaking. She apologized and said she does not mean it to come across that way. She also expressed her thoughts on some of the items and I thanked her for letting me know as I do not see the interaction she does have with the kids.
She did mention that she believes S4 gets so upset because I get emotional when he does. I admit that i do now and then when he is crying and clinging on to me, but i hide it through sunglasses etc.. so i do not agree, but i will make much more of a concious effort. Do i believe this is why he gets upset..no, I held strong the past two conversations and he is till begging me to come get him. I will monitor for the next week or two as this is new but I will not just sweep it under the rug.
D7 is so strong and so smart as well. She sends me texts on her ipod and lets me know what is going on. she also texts me in the morning when she gets up. She does not do that with W.
For me, I am busy doing things around the house to put my own touch on things. went and watched football with some friends the other night. I am having some upgrades done to my truck that I have wanted. I know i need to tighten up with money as i am now going to be paying a hefty support each month. This will be an interesting time getting used to the money situation.
I have also created a list of things i am going to start doing for myself, but honestly i feel i am occupied trying to get a handle on schedules and handling everything with the household i have not started yet. I am going to make a better effort after i get back from the weeding this weekend. I have mixed feelings about this wedding. He is one of my best friends. He was the best man in my wedding, now i am going there without my W. feels wrong.
I ma having a difficult time keeping her off my mind lately. It isnt as painful as seeing her everyday and wondering what is going on, but now i am wondering what is going on now that she does not have to worry about me watching over things or being around. I know this will get easier. I am going to really limit the interaction for a while as i feel the conversation regarding the kids wasnt the most positive, not that it was bad, but it wasnt the best.
I need to get out of her mind for a while. Wish i knew what she actually was thinking though.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
