Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
So, I wanted to take my D to a fireworks evening tonight. I have been planning it all week. Amazingly, this morning, my W says she is planning on doing the same thing. Would you believe it, never has she shown any enthusiasm for taking any of the kids to a bonfire night, but as soon as I say I'm taking my D, she's off like a whippet.
Now, this obviously caused some friction, as my W says she is taking her. I don't want to fight about it, but I did reaffirm that it was my plan and that was what I was going to do. This then turns in to an argument about visitation when we go to separate houses in four weeks time.
My W says she is going to work during the week, so she can have weekends with the kids. I told her that plan was unacceptable and that I would be having the kids at weekends, and if that she wasn't going to be reasonable, we'd have to let a court decide.
W then laid in to me to suggest it wasn't fair because she wouldn't really see the kids during the week, because they'd be at school. I then reminded her it was her who was causing the problem. W then tried to argue some more and brought up the fact I went on a small GAL activity last night (a leaving do at work - I was back in the house for 1940hrs) saying that 'you won't want the kids when you want to go out'. I told her my priority was the children.
I can still see the rebellion in her eyes. She has no feelings of loss (how can she really, we're still in the same house) and I don't think she can comprehend the sh1tstorm that is going to come her way when she finally has to cope on her own.
The most comforting part, for me, was that I felt absoloutely no needyness, no begging, no pleading. I don't know if that makes me some kind of monster, but I didn't feel anything really. I did have a nightmare during the night about being on my own, but I didn't feel any sadness this morning during the exchange. I don't know if I should still be feeling this or not?
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
It seems to me that you have fully accepted the reality of your situation. That you are coming from a place where there are no delusions and that you are grounded in the "what is". This make you a formidable force in the marriage.
No, you're not a monster. You've gained control over you and what you can influence. Be firm about the kids. Your WAS, like all of them are still in entitlement mode and don't like it when things don't go their way. Stay strong mate.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Thanks for dropping by. No, she doesn't like it when Huddy says he's doing something that will alter her plans. When she got back, she told me to stop playing 'good cop, bad cop', to stop being 'nice to her' and then being 'nasty when I want to talk about what to do with the kids'. Classic manipulation in action. Only a WAW/WW would think actually wanting to be with your kids/be M'd was being nasty.
I told her that I was being myself and I am going to protect my interests. She told me to be quiet whist she talked. I listened to the spew, then said nothing. I got criticism for that as well, because I was getting my S his food.
I've also been packing some stuff and got around to DVD's today. My W said 'don't take all the DVD's' (i'm only taking mine), I said I wasn't. Then she went on to say 'you know, all the joint ones'. I reaffirmed that I was only taking mine. What are we going to do, share custody of the DVD's, switching them weekly!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
In the end, I took my D to the fireworks display. I don't think W had any plans to do it all. I think it was all for show, just because I'd suggested doing it and she felt her nose was being pushed out of joint.
Really quite proud of my S. She's only five and managed the three mile round trip, walking, without any complaint. Time for a nice relaxing bath!
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Huddy, sounds like you're doing really well and processing this in a healthy manner.
I would think of it as the kids' rights instead of your and her rights - and maybe suggest that you both attend a class for divorcing parents to handle this without high conflict.
Best wishes! Do you have a moving date set?
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
That's an interesting perspective. I did try some mediation, but W claimed that the counsellor was 'fawning' over me and would always side with me, despite having never met before.
I pick up my keys on 2 December and we have to be out of the house on 4 December. Merry Christmas......
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Surprise Huddy! Just checking in.