Vise, GAL, well i have been playing a little rugby, gym 4 times a week, golf here and there, and heading out with friends here and there. Now that W moved even though we are on day 2, i have had the kids the past two days I am busy nonstop! Trying to juggle work and their schedules and everything else will be my new GAL!
Little update Usual monday morning routine as i always did so it was no big deal wife want there. Got kids off to school and went to work. Had to pick up S4 at preschool around 1130 and take home to work with me for a while. Had some errands to get done and then get D7 from bus stop and then get dinner stuff and head home.
Tried to do some at home exercises since gym did not fit in schedule. Cooked dinner and cleaned house, folded laundry etc.. W called s4 after school and had a quick talk. She facetimed the kids after dinner and D7 was giving her the business about going to her house in a few days and there are no toys there and asking w if she bought anything for her etc...My D can really pour on the temper tantrum and was doing it big time. W was getting very angry, but i just walked away and was taking care of stuff. No interference from me. They ended call and we got ready for bed.
Kids have no school today as it is parent conference day. Both are with me at office right now before we head out to schools. Will see W there. Funny story, tried to make sure dinner was in the crock pot before leaving the house this morning. Well, no crockpot! W decided to take it without me knowing. Off to walmart real quick for a new one!.
Tomorrow will be difficult as after kids go to school i wont have them again until friday. I do have some items for the house coming and need to get some things done so I should stay busy, but a big house all empty will be weird.
Will see how the interaction with W goes today. We did speak yesterday to sort out the difference in the child support that she flipped about. Was a decent conversation. I may have been too easy, but i really do not want a long drawn out battle.
UNtil next time.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Well juggling the kids with no school and me working yesterday was interesting. I felt bad for them having to just go along with me, but they did well. Saw W at S4 conference at his preschool. Kids didnt act to crazy about seeing her, they were happy since it has been 2 days but nothing out of ordinary. Conference went fine. S needs to tighten up some things but he is a boy and just wants to play.
Had about an hour before D7 conference so we all went to eat lunch together. Both kids decided to ride with me. Seemed strange as i even asked if they wanted to ride with W since they havent seen her. Lunch went fine, kids acting up a little and W and I both had to reprimand.
Left for D school, both rode with me again. XConference went well. D7 is a very good student. Teacher did mention that she spoke about the change at home. It hurt me a little as I hope she is not too affected. I spoke with her about it later and she seems ok. Walking out kids gave W a quick hug and we left. I looked at W and she at me as she was going to her truck, she didnt look too happy to me. I could be wrong. I think she was hoping for more love from the kids. Who knows.
Kids and i went about our day of my work, we went to the gym and then home for dinner. We ate, cleaned up, took baths, and then watched some tv and popcorn. W called to speak to the kids. Whenever she calls i get the kids to answer and then put on speaker for them, or i just answer and say hang on to get them. The phone conversations do not seem to be going well for her and them. D is always asking what is she going to do while she is with her and S4 is saying he is not staying there and he is staying with me. I know this must be hard on her because it is hard on me.
Usual morning routine this morning. Except i was a little down as putting daughter on the bus knowing i wont see her until friday morning. I may go to her school for lunch tomorrow though. Took S4 to school and felt the effect as well because he is so attached to me. Difficult day for me.
Besides the first day after W left I really have had no contact or communication with her. We did have lunch with kids yesterday, but her and i had no real talks. I have not spoke to her on the phone or anything. This is really hard. Even during the time we were in house together but apart we have conversations or interaction. I really miss her and I am lonely in that kind of companionship area. I know it is just the beginning and will get easier, but just where i am right now.
Will be busy with work and a bunch of items showing up for the house today. Will hit the gym and take care of a bunch of chores etc...real GAL activities!
I am looking forward to weekend with the kids.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I really do not know that answer. There were times when i thought things were getting better but it was just us being nice to each other. To see the mission she was on when taking on the move solidified that for me. I know your situation that W wont leave and makes me wonder why. If she was so miserable with you then why really stick around.
I think my wife felt she had to move because 1. she knew i wouldnt, 2. I think she associated me with her not being happy. By her doing that she first said she needed space, that didnt cure her happiness, then she said I think we need to separate, still no cure, then she figured the next step is separate living. If this doesnt cure her happiness then she will either determine she needs a divorce or maybe realized she either needs me or someone else.
then you can look at the complete other side of this and say she found so much happiness with the in house break and separation that she needed to make it permanent with the move.
I dont buy the last one. I know many of the other stories where things have either worked out or they tried that the living separated and there was a period of darkness before anything came about. I am not looking for too much on that rather than just getting through the initial mourning of the relationship and then carrying on with my life.
all the best bud.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I know my wife told me she felt I thought we were not equal and I was above her. That I was controlling over finances. That I would do what I wanted and she couldn't.
I have thought about all of this a lot. I see her point in certain areas. It also no the financial are came out of necessity to help her get out of debt and just ended up carrying on. Bad move but happened.
Here is the question. I see all of these inspirational posts etc stating that if you have a good woman that you protect her, take care of her in all ways , and don't let her worry about anything.
Now I know I was selfish and immature but I always put her first as far as her needs and have her everything. I know she wanted to be able to make those decisions on her own but do women really want to be taken care of or spoiled for that matter or does it just sound good?
I do know a lot of women that have been through a divorce or are older say they are looking for this and they are mature and know what is important. Their kids taken care of and a stable life with a man that cares.
I find myself wondering is this actually wrong?
I know I may be rambling but it is my first night alone in my house without my kids. Wife left 3 days ago but I had them. Had to deal with S4 crying on FaceTime asking me to come get him. Ripped me art so my mind is in overdrive now.
Thanks for the input.
Last edited by otw; 11/05/1502:08 AM.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
So the past day and today have been difficult. The kids were gone yesterday and slept at W house. I was ok for most of the night as i had a few items delivered and was cleaning up all evening. It started going down hill when i went to grab the IPad my daughter uses as she has an alarm set to get her up for school. I went to turn the alarm off and when you press the button a certain way to get all open apps up it will show you recent contacts linked to my W phone. great. Saw a name i did not recognize and discovered it was a guy from where she grew up. could be absolutely nothing but i never heard her mention him or communicate with him. I quickly deleted the setting to be linked to her phone which can not be reversed without her signing into it. this kind of set me on a little spin. Then factimed the kids and it was difficult to have them showing me the house where my family is and i am not with them. To to it off S4 started crying asking me to come pick him up. I was a mess getting off of the phone.
Spoke to the kids this morning and S4 was still asking me to come pick him up. I know i will see them in the morning but it is hard from everyday of there lives to 2 days without them.
Went to D7 school today for lunch. At least i got to see her for 30 minutes there.
Still no real contact with W. Today will be day 3.
I have more stuff coming to the house today and i put a deposit on some awesome handmade bedroom furniture from two guys that are just starting out. They used reclaimed wood and make everything by hand. Same price as i would buy in a store, but 10x better quality and all solid wood.
I have contemplated going to a local establishment that has a national country singer performing tonight but i may skip as i want to get up early and be ready for when kids get there for me to get them to school. Prob make a last minute decision.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Headed home yesterday to take care of some things, laundry and cleaning etc.. Spoke to the kids while i was folding clothes. Had to work in the evening but took a break to call them before bed. S4 was asking me to come get him again. I was trying to get him excited that he was coming to my house in the morning. W teaches a dance class early friday mornings and she would have to drop them off at school really early. I told her earlier in the week to just bring them to me and i will get them to school. I know this may be helping her, but I would rather do this for the kids instead of making them be at school so early. Plus i get time with them.
W dropped kids off and they were very happy to see me, not as happy as I was to see them. They kind of gave her a quick goodbye and ran off. I kind of feel bad for her with this, but not my prob. I had some mail and paperwork for her, asked how she was and she replied good. She seemed ok, not overly happy but not too down either. I was happy as a clam. I had some new things in the house and am sure she noticed. She had to get going and i told her have a good one and closed the door behind her. No talks about anything.
Started getting daughter to bus and she had been acting a little down. I am not sure if this is affecting her or she was just having a down day. She kept telling me she just wanted to stay home and not go to school. I think she actually missed her toys as she was wanting to play Barbies.
Got son to preschool and he had more of a meltdown than usual as i was trying to leave. I know he misses me so much and doesnt want me leaving his side. I dont think he trusts that i will be back to pick him up. I kept telling me he will be with me all weekend after school. Not sure he belives it. I know he just wants to stay with me all the time.
This part is so hard.
I am kind of leaving the day to them. If they want to stay home and play and just be there then that is what we are going to do. If they want to go somewhere then we will.
I realized i am very happy today. It is because i have the kids. I am still thinking about W but it isnt as bad as the first few days.
Baby steps
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
Otw, sounds like you are doing well. You are so well in tune with your children, they are lucky to have you. I hope you have a great weekend. Stay positive.
W called me and started by sking how the kids were getting to school I told her the truth and told her i dont think S4 trusts that i was going to get him and he would be with me.
She then started asking questions about the separation agreement i gave her this morning. She was pointing out a few errors, and i calmly told her no problem just let me know and i will have fixed or we can just write on the form ourselves and initial. She kept going on some things in there and i finally told her I am not trying to pull anything on her and if we need to change something then we do. We planned to sign it together sunday. She then asked when i was giving her the money. I told her once it is signed i will give it to her. she seemed like she wanted it right away.
after that she started talking to me about some things about the kids and her house I really didnt engage in the conversation and just tried to get off the phone.
so NC was broken, but it was just logistical stuff. When she tried to engage more i kind of backed off. I know at some point i will start engaging some more but right now it is too fresh for me. I need more time to detach and wrap my head around everything. I am not looking to be friends right now.
So back to NC and see how this plays out.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
