as_it_is - my advanture continues (part 5)

[PigPen]

We have similarities As, definitely getting mixed messages. Spoke to a woman tonight who told me during her D she saw her H with another woman and immediately spent the evening with him. She told me she had a lot of her own conflict around "I don't want him, but no one else can have him".

Does seem like your W is either more comfortable with you, less angry at you, or relaxing a bit from what you've posted. Maybe it is the pursuit of the negotiations that's letting her let her guard down a bit.

Like you've said, it's a long game. Keep doing what's leading you to these little wins and hopefully they'll keep adding up.

How's your meditation practice?

PP

[mutatio]

Asitis, You are on the right path, the only path that may get you to the destination your looking for.
Is your wife sending you mixed messages?
If so, do you think it's at a conscious or unconscious level ?

[Uphill]

As, I have got the same kind of "tease" a few weeks back. Came out of the shower when I arrived to pick up S4 wearing nothing but a towel! I felt like a 12 year old boy looking at a playboy! I don't know if it was on purpose or just how it happened but it messed with me for days!

Pigpen, I have heard the same things about the walk away being territorial. I could definatly see it happen in my sitch, but she would only be back because of jealousy and not because she wants ME. Believe me, the thought has crossed my mind to play that card. That was very early on and before I found this website and gained the knowledge of how things actually play out. It may work for a few week or few month "fling" but it will solve nothing long term.

[gonegrl]

As, maybe moving through the legal proceedings is making her "relax" a little, and feel like the pressure is off, so she isn't in "fighting" mode any more, if that makes sense at all?

My primary love language is touch too, so I get it, just the touch on my arm or back when he walks by would mean so much to me, but he gives me so much space when we walk past each other in the house, obvious he is going out of his way to NOT touch me.

[asitis]

Yes. DB Coach & I are both in agreement that moving forward to settlement is the best path. A lot of WAWs can't allow themselves to relax until they have that control and the stress of the negotiations are behind them.

Not surprisingly, W has been more her usual chilly self the last couple days. Doesn't phase me, as I was expecting it. She's also got a cold. I asked her if she wanted to be involved w/ the trick-or-treating, as Halloween is my night w/ the boys. She did make some nice puma costumes for them, which they look very cute in. I told her how much I appreciated what she did, how I still look back on the Halloween my mom made us tiger costumes & I'm sure the boys would too, and thanked her for going the the effort for them.

Not much to report. I'll try to drop in on others' threads over the next couple days.

[mutatio]

Your a good man Asitis, doing a good job.

[asitis]

Thanks mutatio. There is a good person in all of us. Even our WASs. We like to think, if I just knew this earlier. We didn't, and neither did our WASs. I can see why for my W,it may be too late for us. I can see that she is hurting. I know that some of this is self-inflicted, externalizing blame and redirecting harm inflicted on her by others onto me. I can see just how "unfair" it is that my W doesn't get that my seeing all this means I am the H she shouldn't run from. But, I also see that we don't have the luxury of "if I only knew this earlier." That is the way life works. We know what we know now. We do the best we can with that imperfect, limited, flawed, impartial, incomplete information we have, but we can't change the "if I only knew" by some slight of hand.

Sad, but liberating/healing at the same time.

[Ancaire]

The above rings so true. In spite of current behavior, there is a truly wonderful person buried somewhere in my H. I wish I could help him, but realize I need to get out of the way for now so that his focus on me as the reason for his unhappiness is able to fade. It just breaks my heart. If I ever want him to have a chance to heal, though, I need to let go.

I love your wisdom and willingness to share it. Thank you so much.

[asitis]

Extra strong longing and horniness seems to be running strong the last few days on the forum. I'm right there with you. Really, really want a bed mate,and given that I'd still be uncomfortable with someone else, I'm struggling to resist the temptation to invite W over tonight. I just want to bed that woman very, very badly. Not anything else really. It's not just horniness, but an intense desire to lose myself in lovemaking with her for a night.

A well, this too shall pass.

[mutatio]

Missing you Asitis. I hope this post finds you well.